Come and play my made-up game

[UnlimitedChipsAndSalsa]

I will ask for advice, and you have to answer using only a quote from somewhere else on Mumsnet. Then you can ask for the next piece of advice. (best to quote the advice question you're answering in case there's cross-posting)

Okay, first question: What should I wear to my cousin's wedding?

(hard TO shop for)

What do you think my father would like as a birthday gift? He's so hard to shop for.

an engorged pink balloon phallus, complete with bellend, hefty bollocks and a long white jizz "garnish" (see picture 2).

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What would you do with an unexpected day off work?

What would you do with an unexpected day off work?
Just spend the week wearing two pairs of knickers, wash them in the bathroom sink each night, preferably with a tiny bar of over perfumed soap then drape to dry on the back of a white plastic patio chair in the garden.

What's your favourite item of clothing?

What's your favourite item of clothing?

'a fabulous hand embroidered tablecloth that my great grandmother made - some people might think it's hideous, but I treasure it'

How can I save time in my morning routine?

How can I save time in my morning routine?

Can you get a couple of those inflatable horse things that you wear and do jousting?

How can I help DD3 relax and get ready for bed?

How can I help DD3 relax and get ready for bed?

Hold her under water for 10 minutes - that should quiet her down

What should I do if my NDN knocks on the wall when my DD cries?

What should I do if my NDN knocks on the wall when my DD cries?
we can take out the wall

How can I improve my dog's recall when off the lead?

How can I improve my dog's recall when off the lead?

'it sounds like:

1. He's ashamed to be seen with you.
2. That he wants to have his options open to do stuff he couldn't with you there.
3. That you will cramp his style (basically a combo of 2 and 3)'

Any good ideas for hen night activities?

Any good ideas for hen night activities?

cheek kissing in France

Who will be the next Prime Minister?

Who will be the next Prime Minister?

Sir Peter Bazalgette, the brains behind Love Island forerunner Big Brother, is a descendant of Joseph Bazalgette, the Victorian civil engineer. While Joseph pioneered the London sewage system, so the joke goes, his great-great-grandson has specialised in pumping metaphorical excrement into the public sphere."

Is this chicken cooked?

Is this chicken cooked?
Sounds like it could be but definitely go and see the Dr to confirm.

What do you recommend I try from Aldi?

Any good ideas for hen night activities?
a Twiglet jousting tournament.

What do you recommend I try from Aldi?

What do you recommend I try from Aldi?

'why not find a local dry slope here and do a few lessons to learn the basics so you can practice on the nursery slopes once you get there - might give you a bit more confidence.'

Why is my toddler in such a bad mood?

Why is my toddler in such a bad mood?
Alcohol left in the fridge would suggest they were having a good time....

My husband wants to take up cycling. Should I encourage him?

My husband wants to take up cycling. Should I encourage him?

Even if he's not cheating on you this is a very very unhealthy relationship.

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Who should I choose as my child's Godparents?

Who should I choose as my child's Godparents?

Delboy, Rodney, Boyce, Marlene. Hyacinth Bucket, Bob from the Likely Lads, Bev from Abigail’s party.

What gift should I get for my friend's baby shower?

What gift should I get for my friend's baby shower?
The four cheese ravioli ready meal.

Have you or anyone you know been on tv?

Have you or anyone you know been on tv?

Dennis Skinner, Ian Lavery, Jon Trickett. But also some others - Vince Cable as I said and even some Tories like Kenneth Clarke or John Bercow (ex-Tory now, but precisely because it wasn't possible for him to remain one while also remaining honest).

I wouldn't personally include Keir Starmer

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Tell me about Agas - should I install one?

Tell me about Agas - should I install one?

they are impossible to enjoy IMV.

So I don't partake anymore. Ugh. It is manufactured and so I avoid like the plague/Covid. Sorry now.

Did you ever go on any memorable school trips as a child?

Did you ever go on any memorable school trips as a child?

'an Asda, a Sainsbury's, a Morrison's, a Lidl, and an Aldi, all within the same one square mile'

My friend never returns anything she borrows. What should I do?

Charge her £1 per day interest

How can I politely refuse an excuse to be a maid of honour?

excuse = invitation

How can I politely refuse an excuse to be a maid of honour?

'You may have already tried some of these, but I would recommend getting a books from Kaplan/practice UKCAT questions.'

What can I do to make my home more inviting?

Oops! I also forgot to change it to 'invitation'!

What can I do to make my home more inviting?

Alexa fart noises.

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How can I get rid of my husband's annoying friend?