Did you have a 'mumsy mum', if so, what was it like?!

[Toffeepie123]

I'm currently pregnant with my first baby and just musing over mums in general really.

My mum was anything BUT a 'mumsy' mum. She drove sports cars that were unpractical, smoked dope on occasion and was a free spirited hippy in many ways. Very disorganised and if she did pick up from school (not often) she would rock up in her leather jacket and red lipstick in her low down sports car.
She also worked full time so we usually went to childminders.

I absolutely hated this and would envy my friends with mumsy mums sooo bad!!
Many of my friends mums worked part time or not at all to fit around the kids. They'd bake with them, help out school PTA and go all out on fancy dress days!! They'd have packed lunches with their favourite things in such as frubes, babybels, homemade brownies etc.

My mum on the other hand would forget and scrabble around last minute to find an outfit so they were always crap! Packed lunch would be a sandwich with whatever was in the cupboard. Adequate but not really thought out compared. I'd have loved to have had a baking afternoon with her or had her take part in the school activities with the other mums.

Looking back my mum was a young mum and very much her own person and I appreciate that now, however I still think I'd have preferred a mum 'dedicated' fully to her kids as opposed to making their kids fit into their lives.

It was very clear that as much as we were loved, my mum also had a life outside of the family too. Whereas my friends mums were very much child focused. Their social circle was other mums and they'd make all choices around small kids such as choice of car. My mum would never dare be seen in a people carrier!!

As an adult my mum is a better parent as her free thinking and non judgemental attitude is fab to be around. But even now, she would rather be at a festival getting pissed than at a garden centre having lunch like my friends mums, despite being being a grandmother of several kids. She also still smokes pot.

I can laugh now but it really did bother me when younger!!

So I am intrigued to know.

Did you have a mumsy mum? What was it like?

I imagine it to have been very comforting and must have made you feel very secure.

If you are a mum, are you 'mumsy'? Does it come natural or is it an effort to be that way?

I am currently looking for a family car and can't bring myself to buy a people carrier so I am sympathising for the first time with my mother's dilemma..

I think you can be a 'mumsy mum' and still very much have a life outside of the family.

Also you won't transform into someone who wears linen trousers and loves bake sales, unless you're already that person. You'll be you, but with a baby!

I had a wonderful mumsey mum. We came first always. She baked and gardened (grew a lot of our veg) and there was never anything processed in our house. Both my sister and I have remained a healthy weight our whole lives and I think mum is to thank for that. We were in bed at a good hour, other than occasional fun times for whatever reason. We were read to, cuddled, not allowed too much TV. Shed get cross when we really pushed her buttons but I never once remember feeling scared or humiliated or confused or unloved.

I think I'm shit compared to her! I do cuddles and they are always fed and I do what I can to make them happy and secure but I feel like healthy eating and screens and my temper are a battle!

Yeah, mine was a SAHM, lots of baking.

It means I'm quite a good baker.

I used to spend a lot of time with her. Just watching TV. She was always around. We talked a lot. We became good pals. We remained close until she passed away.

She had time, and she had sympathy, and she had hugs. All I ever wanted in a Mum.

And yes, I model my parenting on her, 100%.

@miltonj

I think you can be a 'mumsy mum' and still very much have a life outside of the family.

Also you won't transform into someone who wears linen trousers and loves bake sales, unless you're already that person. You'll be you, but with a baby!

Yess you are probably right and it's about getting that balance I suppose!

@Imcatmum she sounds fantastic!! I bet that was so comforting to have and come home too!
Do you know if she was always that way or became that way through having children?

I had a mumsy mum. She worked part time and baked brownies for my lunch box. I felt very loved and secure. However she has been a little too controlling as an adult. I think she has found it hard to let go of me, and finds it difficult when I have opinions that differ to hers. I still know she loves me deeply, and would do anything for me. I appreciate how much she did for me a lot and in my childhood I couldn’t have asked for a better mother. I’m in my early twenties so I think as time goes on she will be letting go slowly, as she has already. It’s just taking longer than I would like it to! The boundaries that helped me when I was younger, have come between us as I have needed to grow up.

@ElspethFlashman

Yeah, mine was a SAHM, lots of baking.

It means I'm quite a good baker.

I used to spend a lot of time with her. Just watching TV. She was always around. We talked a lot. We became good pals. We remained close until she passed away.

She had time, and she had sympathy, and she had hugs. All I ever wanted in a Mum.

And yes, I model my parenting on her, 100%.

She also sounds lovely!! Great role model

OP Your mum sounds a bit like Georgia in Georgia and Ginny.

My mum was in-between the two types you were describing. My aunt was a mumsy mum though...she used to bake a lot and when we used to go round it would blow my mind when she'd offer us drinks ..my mum was like, if you want a drink, get it yourself!

I’d say my mum was, like most mums, somewhere between your two extremes. She was pretty young and cool - and still is at 65! She worked and was passionate about her work, had hobbies and grown up friends and outside interests. But she also prioritised picking us up throughout primary school, came to school events, spent a lot of time with us. Time together was a mix of baking and reading and activities but she was also often busy getting on with stuff. We got bored and played and used our imaginations and only bothered her if we really needed something. She home cooked meals and taught us to cook and supported our schooling. She listened to our problems but was never over invested in our lives or achievements as she had her own. I strive for that balance in my own life. Not there yet as kids are so small but I don’t ever want to be ‘just’ mum.

@ikeepseeingit awwh another lovely post! Nice to see.

Question for you all. Did having a mumsy mum stop you being able to have open conversations?

My mum was more friend than mum in many ways which had more down sides that positive. But one positive was I could tell her anything. Anything about boys, sex, friends, one night stand etc.
So in those tricky departments there's never been any secrets. Infact I would say that I am the sensible one and she would be encouraging me to be more reckless

I totally get what you are saying and from a child's point of view, you want to be your mother's entire world but as adult women we can surely see that women subjugating themselves completely is at best a step back for equality and at worst a total nightmare. It's not that we shouldn't be doing all the baking/ reading etc but that it should be shared between men and women. Any pressure needs to be shared. You see so many posts on here where women have no pension and no earning power, have waited on their families hand and foot and then their marriages end and they're left in an incredibly difficult position.

My mum wasn’t mumsy. As a child I wanted mumsy. Despite trying to be mumsy, it’s a struggle for me and I’m more like my mum than I want to admit. I think balance is the goal. Poor women are so judged whatever they do. Notice how there is no word for dadsy.

My mum was mumsy and wonderful. I don’t recall baking (I’m sure we did), but lots of love and hugs and home cooked food around the dinner table.

I’m a hybrid. Danced down the main road in a sequined bikini and feathers last Saturday, drinking vodka and dancing to soca music, and then came home, watched a movie with my kids and tucked them into bed.

You don't mention your Dad. It takes two parents to produce a child. Doesn't have to be Mum who compromises on career vs. kids.

Your mum sounds like a chaotic unfit parent, sorry OP. Plenty of women have successful careers and work full time and are good parents.

No,, I told her little about boys. And nothing about sex. She's be half scandalised and half just plain worried about me. I didn't want to deal with any hand wringing or fretting. I lived in a different city so she had no way of knowing anyway.

But I didn't mind, its not actually necessary when you're talking endlessly to your girlfriends about boys and sex anyway. We talked about everything else.

My mother was a very loving mother. My sis and I always knew we were wanted and loved and cared for. The security of our childhood has gone through our lives and given us a confidence and firm base in adulthood.

Our mother never let us down. She did work part time, but we knew if she said she would do something or meet us somewhere she would do it / be there. My mother cooked and baked and gardened and knitted and decorated. My sis and I have learnt so many skills just helping from when we were tiny. My mother was interested in us and she truly cared and loved us. We both feel very fortunate.

My mum sounds similar to yours but with the added “I have my own life to live you know” as she partied hard from when I was the age of 11 until I left home. My mother was self centred. She met our basic needs but nothing more. I’d have loved a mumsy mum sometimes. Even just some boundaries would’ve been nice

@Miseryl

Your mum sounds like a chaotic unfit parent, sorry OP. Plenty of women have successful careers and work full time and are good parents.

What nonsense. We have no information about childcare arrangements. OP's dad or grandparents or a ft nanny/au pair/mother's help may have been putting in the hours with OP and siblings while her mother was working.

Mine is a "mumsy mum." She did go back to work but it was never a career. She'd bake with me and she'd also stay up super late baking on her own. She'd sew and sit on the floor and color.

She's a bit of a perfectionist and didn't let anyone do laundry as she didn't like how we did it (or how we made her sandwich).

My dad offered to "help" with dinner if she told him what to do. I now realise about mental load and understand why it wasn't worth it for her to manage him and listen to him complain.

My mum has a big heart and she's the best but if I could change one thing it would be that she kept some of her own life. She gave us so much and friends and social life went to the way side. I wish she had more for herself.

Caring about what a practical appropriate car might look like means the marketers have won!
All cars carry people

I would have like a mum, full stop.

[quote Toffeepie123]@ikeepseeingit awwh another lovely post! Nice to see.

Question for you all. Did having a mumsy mum stop you being able to have open conversations?

My mum was more friend than mum in many ways which had more down sides that positive. But one positive was I could tell her anything. Anything about boys, sex, friends, one night stand etc.
So in those tricky departments there's never been any secrets. Infact I would say that I am the sensible one and she would be encouraging me to be more reckless[/quote]
Nope, not at all. But we had them best after I left for uni. Then again when I found out my parents had sex on their first date I had to keep up my end of the convo and not retch! 😬

I had/have a mumsy mum. She's great, she loved doing crafts with us, we always had nice costumes for non uniform days, and she was always around to give us lifts to stuff. We had a family dinner altogether most nights (not if DBro and I were doing clubs) and she wasn't OTT strict when we were teens. Now she looks after my youngest most days while I work, and regularly feeds us all in the evenings.

(I am fully planning to repay DM by running around after her when she gets older and doing all her shopping/taking her to appointments and letting her live with us if she wants).

She felt a bit sad when we got to our late teens and needed her less she'd not had a career - but that was circumstance based, she moved to the UK when we were small, and by the time her English had improved/my DBro went to secondary school she got breast cancer, by the time she got better she was late 50s.

I'm not sure if I'm a mumsy mum or not - I coslept with both DC for ages and bake regularly with DS1 but otoh I've always worked/studied since having the DC and am permanently flustered. I do very little crafts/messy play. We also eat too much beige oven food.

Smoked weed, disorganised, bad outfits, crap food? Yep, parent of the year.