What nail colour is suitable for a funeral?

[ApolloandDaphne]

I have to attend a family funeral soon and plan to go and get my current colour (bright pink) changed to a more suitable colour. I mentioned it to my DM yesterday and she asked what I would have to changed to. She was aghast when I said probably a dark, muted red. She thought I would go for a natural/nude type colour. These colours look terrible on me. Is dark red so bad?

Last week I went to DH’s aunt’s funeral with neon orange nails. I was due to have them done that day, obviously had to cancel my appointment.

I wore black, I poured tea, I stood outside so DH could be in the service with his mum. I find it hard to believe that anyone would have thought I was disrespectful.

It's reminding me of the bizarre /depressing thread about what thr royal women wore at Prince Philip's funeral.

If only women gave as few fks about all this stuff as men do. Think of the extra money and time they could have! And power, of course.

I wore black nail varnish to my DM’s funeral as did my DSIS’s.

Nobody batted an eyelid.

@SunShinesBrightly

This is the strangest thread. I didn’t realise that people critiqued nail colour at funerals.

Most people couldn't care less, thank god!

I'd just leave them bare till after the funeral too, I think it's more respectful to not wear anything that draws attention like coloured nails.

@SunShinesBrightly

This is the strangest thread. I didn’t realise that people critiqued nail colour at funerals.

I don't think they do tbh. I just wondered what people's thoughts were. I am sorry started it now as it seems I am nothing but a thoughtless harlot who cares more about their nails than their deceased FIL. In reality I am a fat woman of almost 60 who has been supporting DH and his family with the funeral plans. This was just a random musing in the midst of all this.

OP dark red would be absolutely fine. I can’t believe people are looking into this so much! As long as you’re dressed respectfully I can’t imagine nails matter that much at all! Just another stick to beat women with.

I didn't look at anyones nails at my Dad's funeral so no clue what anyone wore .
Gloves probably , it was bloody freezing !

Though if someone came to his funeral in dark red nails , my Dad would've said "Have you jammed your fingers in the door "?

Jesus, the nastiness on this thread 🙄 OP, my FIL died recently and in preparing for his funeral I've been thinking about similar things - what to wear, make up, nail colour, jewellery. It's part of wanting to look smart and appropriately dressed. Thinking about such things does no make you self absorbed or shallow. I'm sure you've had plenty of other things on your mind too.

I'm sorry for your loss. I think you should wear whatever nail colour YOU feel is appropriate, and never mind anyone else. I'm planning to go with burgundy myself

I'd not wear dark red to a funeral.
I remember my dm wearing red polish to match the red in her red and black dress to my Grandfather's funeral and tbh I didn't like it.
It was like she cared more about how she looked that day than anything else.
Do grieving people really use headspace to match their nails to their outfits?
Indeed, what she was going to wear was the main topic of conversation leading up to the funeral.
Pretty sure I wasn't the only one who noticed.

I wore red nails to my fil's funeral a couple of months ago. The only reason I remember is because my dn was admiring the pink with flowers I had on the previous couple of days when he was being waked. Only changed it as it was starting to peel. Never dawned on me that there was a colour code for nails for funerals.

Mind you, the only person who wore black was one of his dil's. Everyone else wore colours of varying degrees of brightness, including mil. Black seems to be a thing of the past at funerals where I live now (Ireland) so my opinion is probably not very relevant to you.

Goodness me. I have been to three funerals, of three parents, in the past year, we all just wore nice smart clothes. No discussion or angst about make-up or hair, or nails, or shoes. Really, I think, and of course this is just personal, that it doesn't matter. Most people just wear what they want now, there is no right or wrong. The dead obviously don't care, if you are unsure, ask the relative organising, but honestly, I think most would just say "come as you are, be comfortable".

DM funeral this year held outside in wind and several inches of snow. We were all covered head to foot in snow boots, puffy coats, scarves and wooly hats.

@ApolloandDaphne ah ok fair enough. I suppose it might be a little different then.

If your DH doesn’t mind either way then I think you’ll be okay with what you feel is best. If MIL was still alive I would probably advise going by what your mum said but as she’s not that does change things a bit.

Is this really a thing?

Noshowwithoutpunch, dressing well and coordinating etc is second nature to a lot of people when dressing for a gathering. Caring about how she looked was likely your DM's way of showing respect.

I am actually a little amused that in my 10 years on MN this is the most contentious thread I have ever started. Hey ho. That's MN for you!

Had mine done black for the last funeral. Well that’s not true I’d had them done black and then went to a funeral. Nail places look aghast when you ask for black I find . Are you sure - yes it will match my mood…..,

Just dont wear nail polish. On the other hand give the funeral a miss and get your nails done in the colour of your choice.

This thread is indeed odd. Seems it’s disgraceful and thoughtless to think about what your nails look like if they are dark red, or match your outfit. But is respectful and good and demure if you expend exactly the same amount of time and thought in choosing a suitable nude colour.

@ExpressDelivery

I can't imagine a world where spending time thinking about your nail colour for a funeral happens Sometimes I think I live in an alternate reality.

If you did ask me what's appropriate (you did) I'd say none, but I can't really imagine anyone cares.

This

Only on MN could nail colour for a funeral be so much of an issue! As long as you don’t have flamingos and suns painted on your nails, I would say you’re fine.

For my Nan’s funeral, I discussed my outfit with my mum. I wanted to know if it was appropriate as this was the first funeral I had been to. I put make up on in the morning but took it off soon after as I was just smearing it around my face whilst crying. I have no idea what anyone else wore or if they had their nails done. I was just so pleased to see so many people who had all loved my Nan as much as me.

Only on MN indeed. Bizarre here at times.

'dressing well and coordinating etc is second nature to a lot of people when dressing for a gathering. '

Absolutely, and it can be a very comforting thing to focus on at an upsetting time. It doesn't mean that your appearance is all you ever think about 🙄

In reality I am a fat woman of almost 60 who has been supporting DH and his family with the funeral plans. This was just a random musing in the midst of all this.

In that case, muse away!
Hair, nails, clothes are distractions in life.
I remember my friend getting her hair and nails done the day before her DH’s funeral. It was a distraction and made her feel better about herself on the day. The reality is that she’d been living in leggings, T-shirts and barely showering in the weeks beforehand.

I think it’s the idea that people would criticise/comment on other’s choices that is odd. Not the actual painting of nails.

I don’t think red is appropriate for a funeral. It has an association with blood that makes it weird.
It should be something subdued like clear polish.