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Original poster

What nail colour is suitable for a funeral?

228 replies

ApolloandDaphne · 13/08/2021 09:49

I have to attend a family funeral soon and plan to go and get my current colour (bright pink) changed to a more suitable colour. I mentioned it to my DM yesterday and she asked what I would have to changed to. She was aghast when I said probably a dark, muted red. She thought I would go for a natural/nude type colour. These colours look terrible on me. Is dark red so bad?

OP posts:

Thread gallery

HoikingUpMyBigGirlPantss · 13/08/2021 10:13

The only person who mourners focus on at a funeral is the main mourner/ vicar/ priest/ celebrant/ reader up the front. French nail polish or nude (anything subdued is ok) - unless maybe the deceased had asked mourners to wear bright colours as a celebration of their life. My DGM requested that family wore pink at her funeral as it was her fave colour.
However I do think worrying about the minutiae of nail polish at a funeral where you're there to show support is a little self absorbed.

brittleheadgirl · 13/08/2021 10:14

@SoupDragon

He's lost his father and has a wife who seemingly is just completely preoccupied with herself and the colour of her nails.

And you can tell all that about the OP from a single thread on MN?

Isn't that how it works? We make a judgment from what a person has written?

Op has mentioned nothing but her nails in relation to the death of her fil. She sounds utterly self obsessed, particularly as she's complaining about lighter colours not suiting her, most people would be able to overlook this for a funeral!

On the basis of what she has written and her replies, I'd say it's fair of anyone to assume she's more than a tad self obsessed and maybe needs to reassess her priorities in this sad situation?

Original poster

ApolloandDaphne · 13/08/2021 10:16

@PleasantBirthday

Don't you have anything more to do for your own father in law's funeral than get your nails done? How do you have time for that? Or time to even think about that?

The funeral isn't for another two weeks or so. There is plenty of time. DH and his siblings are still at work. Life is going on. He was an elderly man of 93. We are sad but it wasn't unexpected.

OP posts:

user16395699 · 13/08/2021 10:16

I cannot remember anything about what any of the people at my mum's funeral wore - except the person who was late.

Behaviour is more important.

ExpressDelivery · 13/08/2021 10:17

How can light polish not suit anyone? Presumably OP's natural nails are light in colour.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 13/08/2021 10:17

I do t think anyone will give a shit what colour your nails are. They will probably be a bit busy grieving for the loved one that has died.

Original poster

ApolloandDaphne · 13/08/2021 10:18

I'm not self obsessed at all. It was just this remark from my DM which took me a bit by surprise. The reason I met my DM was so we could go and scout locations for the wake. I was being helpful and supportive!

OP posts:

Ninkanink · 13/08/2021 10:18

It’s very different if the individual or family has requested colours or themes or happy clothing etc, or if you know that the person wouldn’t have minded.

Barring that, it’s really disrespectful to show up with what some might consider ostentatious choices which do not show requisite respect to the deceased and his/her family.

Is your MIL still alive, because it’s quite likely she’ll have a similar perspective to your mum. In which case it’d be correct to aim your attire to what she would expect.

sunglassesonthetable · 13/08/2021 10:19

I don't think I've really noticed nails at a funeral.

Smart, neat is more to the point really.

i'm sure dark red will be fine.

Original poster

ApolloandDaphne · 13/08/2021 10:20

@Ninkanink

It’s very different if the individual or family has requested colours or themes or happy clothing etc, or if you know that the person wouldn’t have minded.

Barring that, it’s really disrespectful to show up with what some might consider ostentatious choices which do not show requisite respect to the deceased and his/her family.

Is your MIL still alive, because it’s quite likely she’ll have a similar perspective to your mum. In which case it’d be correct to aim your attire to what she would expect.

MIL is deceased. I think my nails at her funeral were coral coloured. I didn't even think about it then. As I said it just came up as a thought because I mentioned it to my DM yesterday.

OP posts:

StarDrawers · 13/08/2021 10:21

If your DM isn't happy with your idea then I would tone it down for her sake. Either get it taken off and wait until after or go for a muted colour. Put her first not your vanity. Deliberately going for a dark gothicish colour is a bit like playing fancy dress rather than paying your respects.

SoupDragon · 13/08/2021 10:22

On the basis of what she has written and her replies, I'd say it's fair of anyone to assume she's more than a tad self obsessed and maybe needs to reassess her priorities in this sad situation?

No, it is a ridiculous assumption to make. Should she have given a little list of everything else for the hard of thinking?

HappyTimeTunnelDinosaur · 13/08/2021 10:22

Personally I wouldn't notice, and I doubt others will really, as long as you are dressed appropriately I think it will be fine.

StarDrawers · 13/08/2021 10:23

Oh I see, its not your mum's husband sorry my mistake. Still if she's had that reaction you don't know what the grieving family's will be so just tone it down.

MaMelon · 13/08/2021 10:24

I didn't notice what anyone had on their nails at either of my parent's funerals - I had other things on my mind.

I think I might have been a bit surprised after the event if I knew someone had got their nails done for them though, esp if they had these gems or fancy nail art things. If it's something that's on your mind then I'm sure dark red will be just fine.

Does anyone else ever wonder if they perhaps don't pay enough attention to the minutiae of life?

brittleheadgirl · 13/08/2021 10:25

@SoupDragon

On the basis of what she has written and her replies, I'd say it's fair of anyone to assume she's more than a tad self obsessed and maybe needs to reassess her priorities in this sad situation?

No, it is a ridiculous assumption to make. Should she have given a little list of everything else for the hard of thinking?

No, she doesn't need to at all. Everything written in the op and replies is enough thanks.

The fact that op is against wearing a more muted colour because they 'don't suit her'
is enough for me.
It's a funeral, not a bloody party.

MistySkiesAfterRain · 13/08/2021 10:25

Red flowers at a funeral mean courage, love, respect. Wear a nice flower brooch with it.

HallieHufflepuff · 13/08/2021 10:29

As you are unsure and might feel uncomfortable, I would postpone getting a colour until after the funeral and just have bare nails for the funeral.
I wouldn't want to feel anxious about it and would want to focus on what is important on such a sad day.

Notagain20 · 13/08/2021 10:30

I'm chuckling at the idea of natural coloured nails not suiting someone. They're literally the colour of, erm, nails. On the hands of humans. I can't imagine being so brain washed by fashion and beauty marketing that I would come to believe that my actual body parts don't suit me.

The power of marketing!

StarDrawers · 13/08/2021 10:31

Or wear gloves?

Antsinyourpanta · 13/08/2021 10:32

Don't you have anything more to do for your own father in law's funeral than get your nails done? How do you have time for that? Or time to even think about that?

I had almost nothing to do with the arranging of my MILs funeral and wouldnt have cancelled an arranged appointment.(if I had had one) DH had 1 day off work but preferred to keep busy. As it happens I'm not into getting my nails done but I did get DS hair cut as it was literally the week after lockdown finished.
DH had almost nothing to do with either of my parents funerals, I think it's a bit strange to think a funeral should be all consuming for weeks for the whole family. My parents died when my DC were fairly young and on both occasions I had to arrange one of their birthday parties in the same week!

NotQuiteUsual · 13/08/2021 10:32

I'd probably get the favourite colour of the family member who died as a little tribute. I painted my nails dark blue for my Grandma's funeral because she almost always wore it. Basically what would your FIL of wanted? Would he even have been bothered? Was he quite traditional? I always think your funeral is the last chance people have to honour you, so you need to dress with their likes and wants in mind.

HannaHat · 13/08/2021 10:32

Does anyone else ever wonder if they perhaps don't pay enough attention to the minutiae of life?

I wouldn’t have noticed at my dad’s funeral what anyone had on their nails. I’d be happy someone came to pay their respects rather than be concerned with what colour nail varnish they had on.

SunShinesBrightly · 13/08/2021 10:37

This is the strangest thread.
I didn’t realise that people critiqued nail colour at funerals.

Vitallyli · 13/08/2021 10:38

No manicure would be best let you nails rest a bit and then do a colour that you like. If needed nude

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