Life.Is.Shit - and I don't think I'm depressed - maybe it just is?

[doesparentingsuck]

I honestly can't work out if I'm depressed or not. I frequently just don't believe life is that hard work it is, I've quite simply had enough.

This isn't a suicidal post - I have no intention of ending my life but just don't get enjoyment out of it that I would want/expect to make it worthwhile.

It's boring AF. From the outside looking in you would think I'm ungrateful for making this post. There's nothing in my life that's an issue really.

Hate my work, too much responsibility and also boring but aside from this it earns me incredible income and I have freedoms to do what a want.

So why do I still come to this conclusion?

Id love to hear other experiences.

[quote doesparentingsuck]@CrazyNeighbour I he got hit by a bus I'd walk away from my work (or make some serious changes) and would also probably relocate somewhere else.

Probably end up kore depressed but my life would not resemble what it is now. [/quote]
This is interesting. No problem walking away or relocating if DH wasn't there. So WTF is this tie between DH and your job? Is this a relationship/DH problem rather than a life/job problem?

@SadRainbow sorry you feel this way too and hope you find the answers you're looking for too.

I don't know what the answers are - as an earlier poster suggested I'm hoping I can find a way to mentally trick myself that it's all fun and fine.

It's funny because I think many people feel like this and use coping mechanisms - my DH one of his relatives always drinks after work which I found odd but him and his partner seem like the happiest people.

I then discovered recently he hates his job and wants out so you just never know what's going on for other people either

@AmberIsACertainty our work relies on each other. We are almost suppliers in similar industries and one giving up leave the other in the shit so to speak

It would be like breaking a pact - one that shouldn't be 'broken'

We’re just mammals like any other.

[quote doesparentingsuck]@TheFoundations the latter - the job couldn't be done by anyone else.

It's irreplaceable and would leave people I love in the shit by walking away and put a strain on relationships. So therefore I carry on. [/quote]
But it's ok for an overwhelming strain to be put on your mental health and overall well-being? By the same person/people who you don't want to let down?

So we've heard what happens if DH is squashed by a bus. Hypothetically, what would happen if you divorced?

After you've answered that, this is next: which life would you pick if your choices were between being divorced and having your new life or staying as you are forever?

Maybe it's your DH who needs to wake up and realise what he's at risk of losing if he doesn't start treating you like a person in your own right, instead of an extension of himself.

No holidays because he doesn't like/need it? And what about you and your needs (which, by the way, are equal to his)? Can't leave your job because of some unspecified connection to him or without his permission perhaps? Who made him the boss of you? And put him in charge of your life (an illusion, by the way, he isn't)?

I don't believe the answer to your miserable life is to cope better with your feelings (eg the ADs he suggested) but to change your life so your needs are met. If you need antidepressants to give you the get-up-and-go to make those changes, fair enough. If you need them after having made changes, fair enough. But taking medication just to enable you to cope with and accept a shitty life where your needs are seen as lesser than everyone else's? No way.

Thank you doesparentingsuck.

One thing I find slightly comforting is the fact that we don't know life is pointless, that there is nothing else. Even the cleverest people out there barely know anything about the universe. So maybe there really is more to it but maybe we don't find out until we die, or maybe we never find out but maybe we can trust there is possibly more anyway.

Problem is there just isn't many things I enjoy that are things that can be done repeatedly without indulging/spending money which has its own issues

But you say you have tonnes of money. So spend some, and stop moping.

I know sounds selfish but 'giving back' just isn't really me. I'd be doing it for selfish reasons and it wouldn't excite me

It's not meant to excite you and the people on the other side of it don't care why you're doing it. I suspect you might be a but less unhappy if you looked outside yourself a little bit and were a little less self-absorbed. Some Good Deeds might be a start on that. And if not, you could be miserable as usual but other people would be less so.

It does seem like you are somewhat trapped in your job, and this is contributing to your unhappiness. No matter how well paid or prestigious it is, surely it's not worth you being miserable.

You said that if you left the job you would leave your husband up sh!t creek, but what happens when you go on maternity leave? Won't you be taking a break then? Or will you be able to?

You may find your priorities change immensely after children, have you thought about how your husband will deal with that?

Look, no one can change things but you. Your DH doesn't want to because it seems to suit him. You are the one suffering here.

Thus us getting very weird.OP you are the only person who can do your job and your hobby is potentially outing

The giving back idea,can gain momentum.It is so satisfying to make a difference. Removes the focus from me me me.

Sorry op I don't understand why you're the only person in the world who can do your job. I could be off here but I wonder in part if you insisting you can't give details is because people would find options for you and actually you don't want change. You want o8to tell you how stuck you are and it's ok to not enjoy your life.

Well obviously if bad things happen it's ok to feel shit. But honestly life is so short and we get one go. So it's on you not to spend it being unhappy. There are ways around it especially if you have money.

But without knowing what keeps you in your situation, posters can't really help you work out what to do.

Also, and I don't mean to sound harsh, but do you actually have any interests? As often other careers can come from them. If not I'd start by finding those.

Are you like....Royalty or something?

Or eg a leader in government that's been elected for however many years.

Those are literally the only people I can think of who would struggle to change what they're doing/ would let people down.

Otherwise, people who think themselves indispensable at work are invariably not.

Why aren't you taking your annual leave? It's literally time to do what interests you.

[quote doesparentingsuck]@Juliecloud the anti depressants did help me but came off then as TTC.

Did you try different ones or higher dose perhaps that would help?

Are you unable to pin point the exact issue too like me?[/quote]
I don’t know, I feel like it’s everything for me. I relocated several years ago but have never settled here but my family are very happy here. I don’t like my job but it is convenient and fits in with my life, I have looked for other jobs but none can match this job in terms of perks. I read books often, I craft at home, I go for walks all the time with friends, but nothing provides me with any joy/happiness.

It sounds to me as though you feel trapped OP.
Do you feel your living your life to please others?
You say your TTC, is your heart really in it ?
In my opinion we are not naturally wired to feel happiness for long periods. I think neutral is our natural state where we just feel ok. Life without a hobby or passion can feel quite dead and empty, like all work and no play. I have hobbies but the most important thing l have done for myself over the past several years is to encounter the spiritual path. Not religious, but to turn inwards and rediscover my authentic self, stripping away all the years of conditioning, people p!easing, and changing my thought patterns. It's worthwhile path, very interesting and rewarding.

Chum

I've been bored and self pitying lately - some much desired plans to emigrate have been scuppered by Covid and now age. I am tired of some aspects of my job, enjoy others, but no real option to move as my industry is quite stagnant just now. My hobbies need enthusiasm that just wasn't there and the kids were beginning to get to me - the sheer relentlessness of uniform and homework and organisation. DH stuck. Bereavements. Honestly, just low level ongoing suckiness of life.

On a whim I started to use the Fabulous App. It a given me a real wake up about not wasting time (I have habits to perform morning and night) and some meditation and activities that are taking me out of my own head. It's helping me feel more positive and active rather than passive.

I could have done most of it on my own but the motivation just wasn't there. The self pity would have gradually worn away at it too - I think that's an almost genetic/inherited way of looking at life. So I needed a kicker to just... kick me up the arse and stop telling myself life was a bit shit all the time.

It's not shit. It's my state of mind.

OP I don't know if you are depressed or just in a real funk/ennui. But acting like your life is unchangeable isn't helping you.

It is totally possible for you to change your attitude to your life. Do the things you enjoy. Take your annual leave and go and do stuff by yourself. Take control because nobody else is going to tell you what you want.

@ParishSpinster, there is some truth in what you say.

I think of depression like an octopus , it wraps itself around you.
If you can get away from those suckers and do something it helps.
I had yoga booked this morning...I tried every damn trick in the book to avoid going, including convincing myself I was ill.
I am the oldest, the fattest , the crappest in the group but hey ho, I did it.
It definately fires up something in ones head.

@sadperson16 well done on doing the yoga! I've been doing some form of yoga or a 4 minute ab routine every morning for the last 3 weeks. It's made me feel like I've accomplished something even before I brush my teeth. And brushing my teeth is another habit so that's two things ticked off early on making me feel good.

It's also freeing up time. I don't have to think of everything I should do, or waste time beating myself up for not doing them or heating myself up for not being happy all the time. I do my habits and do my routines and tick them off and can then spend half an hour reading or an hour walking or 20 minutes planning my hobby.

The biggest thing for me was just sinking into self pity. Poor me. Woe is me. Isn't it all just so unfair and sad for me. It isn't and wasn't - I was just stuck in that thought process.

It's early days but I like the changes I've been making.

I’m sorry that you feel this way OP. I think you need to find your “why” in life. Perhaps this would change your perspective too.
You might find the following two books helpful:
Not a life coach by James Smith (good to listen to as an audio book)
The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris.
It is absolutely within you to change your current situation. Is it worth spending time trying to understand your own personality? Are you an introvert who feels drained after spending time with lots of people? The book Quiet by Susan Cain might be interesting plus Surrounded by Idiots by Thomas Edison.
Good luck OP - I hope things improve for you.

I appreciate your posts - I really do thank you,

Some posters have said without knowing what I do for work it's hard to help - but the post wasn't supposed to be about my job!

And I appreciate what you're saying, but please just take my word for it when I say I can't just change Job like that. It is not something where someone else could do it and get the results I do. Please just accept what I'm saying and work with that.

I am trapped. But even if I wasn't doing what im doing I still have no idea what I would do for a living!

I posted really to hear other people's experiences if they feel the same and have found a way out or not. It wasn't really for solutions (as much as they'd be great but right now I don't think there are any!)

@Whatliesbeneath707 thanks I have read the happiness trap already I'll check the other suggestion out too :)

You are her Maj aren't you? The hobby is the corgis.

@MrsPsmalls your description is exactly right. Honestly I don't get why people are so happy about that?!

If I even approach this discussion with anyone IRL they turn very quickly down the depression route and almost look offended bu what I'm saying so hence why I started the thread.

IRL people just don't understand

@sadperson16 😂😂 I can promise, I'm not her maj

@Mulletsaremisunderstood I'd imagine I'd be taking a very short maternity leave is the reality and would still be fielding calls/email etc through most of it