Life.Is.Shit - and I don't think I'm depressed - maybe it just is?

[doesparentingsuck]

I honestly can't work out if I'm depressed or not. I frequently just don't believe life is that hard work it is, I've quite simply had enough.

This isn't a suicidal post - I have no intention of ending my life but just don't get enjoyment out of it that I would want/expect to make it worthwhile.

It's boring AF. From the outside looking in you would think I'm ungrateful for making this post. There's nothing in my life that's an issue really.

Hate my work, too much responsibility and also boring but aside from this it earns me incredible income and I have freedoms to do what a want.

So why do I still come to this conclusion?

Id love to hear other experiences.

@Cloverleaf20

Maybe you’re just really bored!! A great film with a similar problem is Hector goes in search of happiness with Simon Pegg!!

Yes entirely possible! But I don't want to live a life of boredom ideally

@AmberIsACertainty thank you, I like the ice lolly suggestion!

I have a cleaner already to help as you say and it really does, don't have kids but if/when I do I would also follow that suggestion of childcare.

Part time is something that maybe I could do. We discuss this and still just carry on plodding it's like nothing changes

@AmberIsACertainty when I say we I mean me and DH discuss part time and I think he says he wants it because he thinks it's what I want to hear. Then it's as if the conversation never happened

@Juliecloud the anti depressants did help me but came off then as TTC.

Did you try different ones or higher dose perhaps that would help?

Are you unable to pin point the exact issue too like me?

Arsebucket .Sorry to hear your life has been so hard .I think we are all fed a daily diet of "Instagrammers" media types and so on and many peoples life is way way off that .We have a nice home near the SC and have managed holidays away UK and abroad most years .Somehow though I think many of us feel there "has to be more" whatever our circumstances . Often we will take a flask or sandwiches out ,and dont forget trips to Museums are often free as well.You dont have to spend bundles of cash!

Ah a good old existential crisis. I constantly feel like this. The more responsibility I get, the more I realise how shit life is. Having children made this feeling even worse. I used to try and fix this feeling but came to the conclusion that this just caused me more anxiety and so it was better to just accept it. Now I strive to look for the small moments of joy in each day. Some days are mundane and boring and some days are amazing and thrilling, that's just the way life is.

@dottiedodah that's one I thing a like doing for free actually! I do go to and enjoy museums ☺️

Maybe if DH is ambivilant about weekends away ,maybe ask a friend /DM or sister to go with you? Its not all about him you know ,you need to feel happy as well! If you are TTC then I would maybe hold off ATM as you need to feel as well as possible first .Him saying you should go on AD is not helpful .Maybe sit down with him and have a frank discussion?Your job sounds stressful .Whatever you think about letting others down you need to put your needs out as well! No one is indespensable !

[quote doesparentingsuck]@Twilow I can't. I know people must be reading this thinking what do you mean you can't lol!

Issue is if I explain I'm worried it's outing - but just take my word for it, I can't walk away from my work. [/quote]
If you could, would you want to? If there were no negative consequences for anyone, would you walk away tomorrow?

I'm wondering if you need therapy to get you to a place where you realise it's ok to put your own needs first. Something I realise will feel like an alien concept to you if you're currently completely and utterly convinced that others needs come before your own. ie you say you "can't leave" perhaps because you believe it to be irrefutably true, but feelings aren't facts and it's possible you're wrong.

It's possible to walk away from something by means of a long term extrication process. Not replacing committments when they end, gradual reduction of workload and hours, all carried out during a suitable notice period to your employer. Perhaps switching from a permanent contract to a fixed term contract, by means of getting a new job in the industry or a secondment to another branch/department, so there's a natural end to your employment period.

Completely with you, OP. I have a lot - a little house, nice furniture, a steady job, money, a wonderful boyfriend. Everything ive ever wanted. But I'm so bored. Life is so pointless. I genuinely don't know what would make me truly happy. I wish I could be content.

The other thing that struck me is not taking annual leave. It's there for a reason, your wellbeing, it's yours so why won't you take it. Not taking annual leave is the same as if you worked the equivalent time for free. Not taking proper rest breaks is unhealthy. So I ask, why this reluctance to look after yourself? You could be experiencing a mental burnout due to not taking sufficient breaks. If you continue to not take breaks you could become more seriously unwell.

I am fascinated to know what job you have that means you are the only person in the world who can do it. I can’t think of a single person who is irreplaceable in their post. Not one.

doesparentingsuck .Yes I love the British Museum ,dont live in London any more but love it .Due to go on hols to Kent and looked up train times to London BM already! Some here as well ,love the history and "feel" of this sort of time capsule . Also some virtual tours available online as well .The Mummys and Egyptian rooms

Im recommending a book: how to do everything and be happy by peter jones. Changed my life.

@doesparentingsuck

I honestly can't work out if I'm depressed or not. I frequently just don't believe life is that hard work it is, I've quite simply had enough.

This isn't a suicidal post - I have no intention of ending my life but just don't get enjoyment out of it that I would want/expect to make it worthwhile.

It's boring AF. From the outside looking in you would think I'm ungrateful for making this post. There's nothing in my life that's an issue really.

Hate my work, too much responsibility and also boring but aside from this it earns me incredible income and I have freedoms to do what a want.

So why do I still come to this conclusion?

Id love to hear other experiences.

Do something about it!!!!

[quote doesparentingsuck]@AmberIsACertainty when I say we I mean me and DH discuss part time and I think he says he wants it because he thinks it's what I want to hear. Then it's as if the conversation never happened [/quote]
Why are you waiting for your DH to change your working conditions? Even if you work for him, give your notice period and then be rehired on a part time contract (or however such employment changes work). Be proactive, I realise that's hard for you in your current passive state, but make a list of every tiny step that needs to happen for you to go part time then start working your way through the list, even if it's just one tiny step per month and takes you two years to achieve. If you can't even do that then consider antidepressants, therapy or a life coach maybe, to help give you the impetus to do it.

I don't mean this to be rude, but you're very passive, excessively so and it concerns me that it's happened as a survival mechanism, which means that something somewhere is very wrong and you need to wake up to that.

It's not down to your partner to diagnose depression, that's a doctor's job.There are many meds which can help.

Probably get it in the neck now.....but have you ever considered giving back to a community project perhaps?

@sadperson16 it's ok! I've looked at it and I have...no interest in it!!!

I started a hobby during lockdown - I won't say what it was as it's outing but loved it at first then the reality of it sunk in and couldn't find the time to juggle everything and it was making me tired

Z@sadperson16 I know sounds selfish but 'giving back' just isn't really me. I'd be doing it for selfish reasons and it wouldn't excite me

@AmberIsACertainty passiveness is a survival mechanism definitely.

Probably encouraged by DH - you just suck things up and get on with them

Life is indeed shit and pointless. Our consciousness is a curse. We're biological creatures with a survival instinct and a drive to reproduce but we're also able to understand and think about more than other animals. I'm in the midst of a deep depression right now and seem to have an existential crisis every day. I have a four year old daughter so I keep trying to get better for her sake (antidepressants and counselling currently) but I feel guilty for creating her because I worry about her having similar struggles one day. I've had these depressing thoughts about existence since childhood but it used to be balanced out by the good stuff. I know I am very fortunate to exist, and that I have a pretty good life really... I need to find my way back to the good things again. Being creative, spending time with people I enjoy, travelling, enjoying nature, seeing beauty... We have to find things that make it feel worthwhile, because life is precious and I still believe that even though I don't think I have ever felt lower in my life than I do right now. I really hope you find your way through this.

@Oblomov21

"To be honest OP I think a lot of people have kids to break up the monotony of life, so you may find you find life more bearable once you have kids to distract you!"

Really?
I completely disagree and think you're on a hide to nothing with that mindset.

Before kids I went travelling for a year pre uni. Dh and I went travelling, out to dinner, stayed in bed all day .....

then comes breastfeeding, taking 20 minutes to get pram and bag ready in order to leave the house.....
Endless washing of school uniforms,

The epitome of monotony. Monotony in abundance for primary sports days, mufti days .....

Washing football kits ..... standing In the middle of Sainsbury's thinking to myself Christ I have no idea what to buy for the next three or four dinners and if I have to be another spaghetti and meatballs I'm going to top myself ......

That's monotony. To get rid of it?

I don't recommend having kids if that's your objective!

I'd also travelled lots, had all the material things I could have possibly wanted before one day I just kind of thought 'now what?' I'd done everything I'd wanted to with life and could see the next 50 years stretching before me, and this is when we decided to start a family! And I love the monotony of it all :)

@doesparentingsuck

To be honest OP I think a lot of people have kids to break up the monotony of life, so you may find you find life more bearable once you have kids to distract you!

Completely agree with this. Every time I mention it IRL or on MN I her shot down! So it's nice to hear from someone else too

I'm not depressed at all and have quite a nice time often, but fundamentally it's all bollocks really isn't big? Everyone you love gets old, suffers and dies. As will you , as will your children. The stuff that we enjoy is just a distraction from this reality. Getting a manicure /England winning a game/ buying a sofa/getting drunk...all just a temporary distraction. And the amount of time filling crap we all force ourselves to do, ironing, eating healthily, studying for exams, none if it matters in the slightest and in 100 years no one will remember our names. And that is the truth. We are all entirely pointless so just enjoy the craic if you can. And no - pretty sure there is no afterlife either.