Life.Is.Shit - and I don't think I'm depressed - maybe it just is?

[doesparentingsuck]

I honestly can't work out if I'm depressed or not. I frequently just don't believe life is that hard work it is, I've quite simply had enough.

This isn't a suicidal post - I have no intention of ending my life but just don't get enjoyment out of it that I would want/expect to make it worthwhile.

It's boring AF. From the outside looking in you would think I'm ungrateful for making this post. There's nothing in my life that's an issue really.

Hate my work, too much responsibility and also boring but aside from this it earns me incredible income and I have freedoms to do what a want.

So why do I still come to this conclusion?

Id love to hear other experiences.

@FatJan thank you, a very thought provoking post.

I have had lots of therapy to date. I have never specifically done CBT therapy.

You've inspired me to do that.

I regularly keep fit and guess that's something I enjoy

What would happen at work if you ended up in a coma tomorrow?

@TheFoundations

*D'you see what I mean? I'm wondering if the problem is more to do with feeling that nobody understands that you need things to be different, rather than your actual need for things to be different.

Who understands you? I mean, properly understands you?*

This is a very key point and I agree. DH doesn't properly understand me and I don't think anyone does. I feel like my situation is unique in that not many would understand it

Or certainly no one in my circles

I tho got I was depressed for decades - antidepressants and years of therapy. Still felt like you describe. Turns out I have ADHD. I am late 50s.

[quote doesparentingsuck]@Gatehouse77 DH things I'm depressed and should go on anti depressants but I can't as TTC [/quote]
Going on medication is not up to your DH but maybe it’s worth talking to your GP and see what they think.
They may feel counselling or talking therapy will help you over this hurdle.

Oh come on. No else in the world, can do your job? You can't hire anyone, to at least take on parts of it? Really? Me thinks not.

I've had enough too OP. I work 40 hours a week on a good wage but jesus, there are more important things in the world and I feel like I am just working my life away. By the time I retire, having saved to travel and have a nice house I will be too old to actually enjoy any of it.

What's the point?

[quote doesparentingsuck]@sunshinepunch other than shopping and spending time with DH and sometimes family - nothing.

Oh, meals out. But there is nothing I enjoy that doesn't either involve money or spending time with other people.

Nothing I can think of that I enjoy doing for free, alone.

Makes me sound pathetic but the truth[/quote]
@doesparentingsuck I hear you. I thought I had nothing either.

There will be something. You just haven't found it.

It's hard to explore new interests in today's world but don't give up. Life isn't shit.... you've just lost your mojo.

Do you read?

[quote doesparentingsuck]@Gatehouse77 DH things I'm depressed and should go on anti depressants but I can't as TTC [/quote]
To be honest OP I think a lot of people have kids to break up the monotony of life, so you may find you find life more bearable once you have kids to distract you!

OK. Then I think there are 2 things. The need to be understood by others is an absolutely fundamental human need. We are tribal creatures. If we feel different in some way from everybody else, that's a primal threat. Creatures who are different from the pack get ostracised, and then a predator eats them. I hope you don't live near lions. Or, more seriously, I think that if you 'find your people', you will start approaching a more contented mindset. If your husband is dealing with this issue by saying 'You need medication', then that's enough to make anybody feel rubbish, on it's own, to be frank.

The other thing is the need to be understood by yourself. This could be interpreted as the need to be accepted by yourself. Your whole point of view seems to be 'I should be happy, but I'm not', which is a negative judgment of yourself, as if you are failing to meet a need that the world/other people has/have of you. Are you able to stop thinking about how you fail to feel as you should feel, and just say 'Hm. My life isn't making me happy, and that's how I am, and that's up to me.'? There's nothing worse than somebody telling you to magically be happy when you're not, other than telling yourself that.

@CrazyNeighbour he loves spending time with other people- which I find annoying. He's more sociable than I am. I used to be a lot more but the last few years I just cba with anyone other than DH and family

@CrazyNeighbour I he got hit by a bus I'd walk away from my work (or make some serious changes) and would also probably relocate somewhere else.

Probably end up kore depressed but my life would not resemble what it is now.

Even the Queen can leave her job! You're delusional if you think you can't.

Use your excessive salary to enjoy life more. Money makes boring more bearable.

@CyberGhost

I've had enough too OP. I work 40 hours a week on a good wage but jesus, there are more important things in the world and I feel like I am just working my life away. By the time I retire, having saved to travel and have a nice house I will be too old to actually enjoy any of it.

What's the point?

Exactly. Sucks doesn't it

"To be honest OP I think a lot of people have kids to break up the monotony of life, so you may find you find life more bearable once you have kids to distract you!"

Really?
I completely disagree and think you're on a hide to nothing with that mindset.

Before kids I went travelling for a year pre uni. Dh and I went travelling, out to dinner, stayed in bed all day .....

then comes breastfeeding, taking 20 minutes to get pram and bag ready in order to leave the house.....
Endless washing of school uniforms,

The epitome of monotony. Monotony in abundance for primary sports days, mufti days .....

Washing football kits ..... standing In the middle of Sainsbury's thinking to myself Christ I have no idea what to buy for the next three or four dinners and if I have to be another spaghetti and meatballs I'm going to top myself ......

That's monotony. To get rid of it?

I don't recommend having kids if that's your objective!

Believe me, sucks more to work 50+ hours a week in a shit job on min wage and have no way out, no savings, no chance of retirement.

You have money, so you have more choice in what than a lot of people. For many, an afternoon of shopping and coffee is an extravagance.

Learn to enjoy what you have. Start to appreciate the little things.

And of course you can leave your job. The world won’t implode.

'People have it worse than you' is not helpful, @Arsebucket

OP has made it clear that she knows that. She's also made it clear why it's very difficult for her to leave her job. Telling her to start enjoying what she doesn't enjoy is simply minimising her feelings.

Maybe you’re just really bored!! A great film with a similar problem is Hector goes in search of happiness with Simon Pegg!!

Maybe start counting happiness in your life rather than negatives? Mind set makes a lot of difference ime. My life isn't oh so great compared to many, I'm sure, but I think I am quite happy about it most of the time.

Are you sure it's not partly your relationship that's making you unhappy? Although you say you enjoy spending time with him, he seems to be standing in the way of other things that do make you happy.

I feel the same way. I’m sure everyone I know would think my life is pretty perfect but I feel so unhappy all the time. I’ve had cbt and been on anti depressants but nothing ever makes a difference.

To be honest OP I think a lot of people have kids to break up the monotony of life, so you may find you find life more bearable once you have kids to distract you!

Completely agree with this. Every time I mention it IRL or on MN I her shot down! So it's nice to hear from someone else too

[quote doesparentingsuck]@Baystard that's a good point you make. I would say I flit between sadness, unhappiness and nothingness.

I'm truly happy usually on a saturday when I have no obligations, can enjoy the day have fun without worrying about anyone or anything - the other six days are bleak [/quote]
I totally understand the feeling you describe in your OP. It is pointless. Once you realise that there's no going back from it.

So, I think it's about filling as much time as possible with things which brings you contentment. I'm wondering what the other six days are like and if you're overloaded in general. You've money, so would hiring eg a cleaner and a nanny help you have time to yourself?

I'm also wondering if your job is making you so unhappy that the only way you're getting through the day is by shutting down your emotions and only the ones you're feeling strongest are breaking through that barrier. Does your employer allow you to take a sabbatical? Could you afford to volunteer part time or study for six months (who cares if you pass or fail) and give yourself time to just be you? Maybe by the end of that period you'd have figured out what to do next.

Two things that I can't remember where I read them:

#1 Life is a journey not a destination.

So could you afford go part time and spend the remaining time experimenting with other part time jobs, either paid or voluntary, just for the experience of seeing what you discover during the process?

#2 take an ice lolly for a walk.

Sounds stupid but makes sense to me. And it's a pandemic friendly activity. It just means that if you're home and feeling down/stuck/bored/whatever, you fetch an ice lolly from the freezer and go for a walk in your local area, from your front door, as many times as you want/need to during the day, even just for 10min. I'm unsure what the ice lolly is for, to make it feel less pointless perhaps or to make it a more pleasant experience. I can see the benefits in getting outside and feeling a greater connection to the world, not staying home with your thoughts in these moments. Maybe it works as a reminder that you can change your life any time you want, even if it's just for 10min.