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Original poster

Absolutely SICK of men leering at my 14 year old!

212 replies

MakeminealargeSauvignon · 04/07/2021 19:00

Hi,

I know I'm far from alone and it's nothing new, depressingly, but after having dinner out tonight, quite honestly, I have absolutely had enough of leery fucking perverts staring at my child. This has been going on for probably the last 4 or so years.....so since she was about 10! It's absolutely disgusting!

She is clearly still a child. Not a 14 year old who looks like a 17/18 year old. Not that it's ever ok to be leered at at any age, but seriously, are there really this many disgusting paedophiles out there?!

Tonight, out of 4 tables of men with their families, 3 of them gawped and I mean gawped at my dd. She didn't notice the first 2, but the last she did and it made her so uncomfortable she was almost in tears and asked if we could go. The first 2 I gave a knowing icy glare and they quite quickly stopped, but the last was the worst and I actually said on the way out after my dd had gone, "she's 14 btw!" And he didn't looked shocked at all, just mildly embarrassed. I didn't want to say anything, because they were with their families, but that one was particularly bad and I just couldn't ignore.

As I say, this is nothing new. I remember exactly the same when I was her age and younger, 20 plus years ago and it would have been the same 20 plus years before that.

How is this still going on?!

Depressing, disturbing and an accepted part of our society, it seems.

When will this stop?

OP posts:
Graphista · 06/07/2021 10:48

This will only change when men start calling it out, stepping in when a girl is being hassled, saying to their friends that was a shit thing to do. Etc.

I agree - that's what needs to happen, more other men calling the creeps out on their shitty behaviour

I'm short, I was very slim until my 30's and I looked a lot younger than I was (I was still getting asked for ID to get into nightclubs at 32 and train and bus tickets were often automatically made to be child ones - must admit I took advantage of that!)

So for me the attention from paedos carried on well into adulthood.

Another reason why I believe there IS one on every corner

@TheSockMonster I'm not surprised you've not been back since!

Don't beat yourself up about how you reacted it can be difficult to explain these things.

Plus we all have l'esprit de l'escalier moments with these incidents.

Very upsetting behaviour by that employee.

I recently had a telephone encounter with a sexist twat and complained, the difficulty was it was his tone of voice and when and how he was talking to me rather than what he said. Luckily the woman I spoke with about said complaint totally understood what I meant. One aspect that I could identify was his weird use of my first name (which he was using way more than is normal in a conversation and was using in such a way as to silence me, he was raising his voice each time he used it, plus he hadn't asked if he could call me that rather than miss x). Totally the kind of guy that got a kick out of bullying women.

mbosnz · 06/07/2021 11:07

In one situation, we were in a pub as a family, and got chatting with another family, the man who was obviously taken with my youngest - but only just on the right side of what I'd accept, said something that made it clear that he thought she was 21. I corrected him, letting him know she was 14. She wasn't wearing revealing clothes, or an over abundance of make up. The look of horror on that guys face, his bumbling, incoherent apologies. I think he learned an important lesson that day.

yourestandingonmyneck · 06/07/2021 15:16

This is terrifying.

It's not something I have any experience of. I didn't notice any attention like this growing up, but I was quite a plain, gangly child. I don't really remember this happening to me at all.

The fact that these men are opening staring is disgusting. And somebody commenting on dads doing it out their car window even with their families in the car Sad

I feel very despondent. This seems too horribly ingrained to change. My husband is 42. I have never noticed him doing this (if i did I would be horrified) but I'm now thinking what if he's thinking it but is just better at hiding it than some men? Sad

Not that it's about me or my husband, obviously. Poor girls having to deal with this. Glad to hear so many of these girls have mums looking out for them and standing up to these men, but my heart is breaking for those poor souls who don't.

Conchitastrawberry · 06/07/2021 15:21

It is awful. I have a 15 year old.

My sister was sexually abused age 12 by a family friend. At the weekend whilst clearing out my fathers house we found the newspaper report. The last line says. “ Mr pervert was anxious to point out the girl did nothing to lead him on”. I was gobsmacked that needed pointing out!

NiceGerbil · 06/07/2021 22:23

'I feel very despondent. This seems too horribly ingrained to change. My husband is 42. I have never noticed him doing this (if i did I would be horrified) but I'm now thinking what if he's thinking it but is just better at hiding it than some men?'

It's not all men! It is a significant minority who do this/ worse stuff.

Thing is if they do it every day to a couple of girls, that's an awfully lot of girls on the receiving end.

Many I'm sure notice - less maybe than notice the younger ones. But most, like women, are capable of glancing that isn't noticed/ is a passing look. All men are capable of that. Plenty choose to stare, look slowly up and down etc.

There's no need to think your DH is s secret lech :)

grey12 · 06/07/2021 22:47

Oh my...... very concerning......

I had breasts very early so got all the looks, all the comments very early but don't remember EVER getting them when I was out with my parents.

I have 3 DDs and this scares me. Looks like there horrible disgusting men are getting bolder Confused

yourestandingonmyneck · 06/07/2021 23:44

@NiceGerbil

'I feel very despondent. This seems too horribly ingrained to change. My husband is 42. I have never noticed him doing this (if i did I would be horrified) but I'm now thinking what if he's thinking it but is just better at hiding it than some men?'

It's not all men! It is a significant minority who do this/ worse stuff.

Thing is if they do it every day to a couple of girls, that's an awfully lot of girls on the receiving end.

Many I'm sure notice - less maybe than notice the younger ones. But most, like women, are capable of glancing that isn't noticed/ is a passing look. All men are capable of that. Plenty choose to stare, look slowly up and down etc.

There's no need to think your DH is s secret lech :)

Thank you - I think I did need that reminder that it's not all men!

I think this thread just came as quite a shock to me. As I say, I wasn't a particularly attractive youngster so I didn't really get any attention like this.

I have a daughter and two nieces but the eldest of them is 6 so this hasn't come up yet. Isn't really something I had thought about before, certainly not from such a young age, so seeing so many people on this thread having encountered it came as a bit of a shock.

These men definitely need to be called out on it.

It is a tough one though. I take OP's point about the man in the restaurant having kids young kids with him. It could be very upsetting for them to witness any sort of confrontation. It's really difficult.

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 06/07/2021 23:51

Many many many years ago when this happened to me I piped up rather loudly and said "ooh Mum I think those men fancy you" they stopped the leering and jeering as a middle-aged mother wasn't quite the same target.

NiceGerbil · 06/07/2021 23:52

IMO any and all girls can get this sort of thing.

I do think that some things make you more of a target though.

From threads on here I've come to the conclusion that how prevalent this is, really varies depending on where you live.

NiceGerbil · 06/07/2021 23:55

Plenty of men just like upsetting/ embarrassing/ unsettling/ intimidating girls esp when on their own.

That's got nothing to do with what you look like.

All of this is the fault of the men. Nothing at all to do with the girls. However much society bangs on about skirts and makeup. Like that's going to change anything! And it puts the blame entirely on the girls for asking for it. Fuck that.

NiceGerbil · 06/07/2021 23:56

The fact it happens to girls no matter what they're wearing etc is ignored because then the excuses wouldn't work and that would mean facing up to it and that's just unthinkable really.

Maireas · 07/07/2021 08:22

@NiceGerbil

Plenty of men just like upsetting/ embarrassing/ unsettling/ intimidating girls esp when on their own.

That's got nothing to do with what you look like.

All of this is the fault of the men. Nothing at all to do with the girls. However much society bangs on about skirts and makeup. Like that's going to change anything! And it puts the blame entirely on the girls for asking for it. Fuck that.

This. Absolutely.
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