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Original poster

Absolutely SICK of men leering at my 14 year old!

212 replies

MakeminealargeSauvignon · 04/07/2021 19:00

Hi,

I know I'm far from alone and it's nothing new, depressingly, but after having dinner out tonight, quite honestly, I have absolutely had enough of leery fucking perverts staring at my child. This has been going on for probably the last 4 or so years.....so since she was about 10! It's absolutely disgusting!

She is clearly still a child. Not a 14 year old who looks like a 17/18 year old. Not that it's ever ok to be leered at at any age, but seriously, are there really this many disgusting paedophiles out there?!

Tonight, out of 4 tables of men with their families, 3 of them gawped and I mean gawped at my dd. She didn't notice the first 2, but the last she did and it made her so uncomfortable she was almost in tears and asked if we could go. The first 2 I gave a knowing icy glare and they quite quickly stopped, but the last was the worst and I actually said on the way out after my dd had gone, "she's 14 btw!" And he didn't looked shocked at all, just mildly embarrassed. I didn't want to say anything, because they were with their families, but that one was particularly bad and I just couldn't ignore.

As I say, this is nothing new. I remember exactly the same when I was her age and younger, 20 plus years ago and it would have been the same 20 plus years before that.

How is this still going on?!

Depressing, disturbing and an accepted part of our society, it seems.

When will this stop?

OP posts:
Wishmeluck99 · 05/07/2021 09:22

And, I really hope the Daily Mail picks up on this....

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 05/07/2021 09:32

@Wishmeluck99

And, I really hope the Daily Mail picks up on this....
It would be an incredibly powerful thrust to the cause, wouldn't it? I think we'll see snow in Egypt before that happens though. They're fondness is for silly puff pieces that really don't matter. This one does.
Youdiditanyway · 05/07/2021 09:44

Gosh, I haven’t noticed this just yet with my DD’s but they’re still young (9 and 10) and in the very early stages of puberty so only breast buds so far. I don’t know how I’ll deal with it but would like to think I’d call them out. It’s completely vile and if I caught DH doing anything so disgusting, I’d have to leave him. I can’t understand the mentality of men who do this at all, they must realise it’s so very wrong.

yomommasmomma · 05/07/2021 10:04

@Talkwhilstyouwalk

Horrible for the 14 year old, and for a mother to see as well.

However, it can be difficult to age young people, perhaps they think she's a lot older than she is?

Did you copy this directly from the 'Victim Blaming' handbook??
igelkott2021 · 05/07/2021 10:14

However, it can be difficult to age young people, perhaps they think she's a lot older than she is

I am not clear why it is ok to leer at women whatever their age? But being younger clearly makes it all the more unpleasant.

igelkott2021 · 05/07/2021 10:18

I agree there is never an excuse for leering. However there is a fine line between leering and simply looking

There is a massive gulf between looking (man notices pretty girl, maybe does a double take and smiles and then, significantly LOKS AWAY) and leering (man notices girl, stares, looks her up and down with stupid leery look on face and fixates on breasts or bottom).

Anyway, a grown man doesn't look at 14 year olds. Even if you think they are older, eg 18, if you are 30 plus, you don't look.

Wishmeluck99 · 05/07/2021 10:31

I agree there is never an excuse for leering. However there is a fine line between leering and simply looking

rolls eyes Hmm

PartridgeFeather · 05/07/2021 10:35

@Wishmeluck99

And, I really hope the Daily Mail picks up on this....
The same DM that bombards us with articles about the paedo prince and his perv-enabling parents?

Instead I hope the DM loses all its "readers".

Keep being lured in by the dross and clickbait MN, that way nothing will ever change.

BrilliantBetty · 05/07/2021 10:45

I overheard my own father talking about my breasts to his pals, I was 13 at the time, was not old enough to understand back then, but this has been going on for years.

That must have been horrible for you. How uncomfortable it must have made you feel even if you didn't fully understand. Sorry for you. I remember my father making a comment about one of my friends once, about 16 at the time, it wasn't particularly unsavoury but it still made me feel awkward and uncomfortable at the time and still now when it comes in the my mind. Even though it wasn't something awful I thought of him differently from that day on.

BringBackThinEyebrows · 05/07/2021 10:48

@Wishmeluck99

What can we do about this? Other than call these men out on it.

For example, I strongly believe girls / teachers / witnesses should be reporting men who slow down and gawp while driving by school children. The police should take a record of it and speak to the man in question. There is far too much child abuse, child grooming, child harassment going on, for us to continue to take no action against it.

What else?

Give age-appropriate guidance to girls. Believe them. Reassure them it's not their fault. Understand that it's because the pervert knows she's a child, not because the child is 'tall'/'attractive'/'well-developed'. Challenge ridiculous views such as, 'if you witness a man ogling a child, blame his mum'.
Siblingquandary · 05/07/2021 10:51

Give age-appropriate guidance to girls.

And maybe, I don't know... To boys as well?

SassyGirl79 · 05/07/2021 10:58

This has never happened to my daughter who’s 16, she’s slim big busted, latest trend but her style of dress doesn’t show anything, I think her friends may suffer from this as they look a lot older with make up, style of dress etc.. it’s wrong that men do this and it’s totally unacceptable but so many young girls look older but it’s still not right.

LuluJakey1 · 05/07/2021 11:09

I lived in London when I was in my 20s and there were men on the tube who were disgusting- pressing themselves against women, sometimes with erections, leering down tops, touching. They were often very respectable looking older men in business clothes.

I used to say loudly, ' Please don't stand so close to me. Do not touch me, ' or something similar and look disgusted. Mostly they looked embarrassed and moved away. I noticed they targeted women of almost all ages from about 14+.

Once, I saw a teenager say very loudly to a man who looked about 30 'Fuck off touching me - pervert! Get your cock off my bum!' He went very red and tried to move away. A space opened up around him as people stared at him. A middle-aged woman asked the teenager if she was ok and stood next to her. Two younger men moved nearer to him and stared him out. I hoped someone was going to punch him but it was just chillingly quiet. He got off at the next stop.

BringBackThinEyebrows · 05/07/2021 11:09

@Siblingquandary

Give age-appropriate guidance to girls.

And maybe, I don't know... To boys as well?

Sure, though this thread is specifically about girls. As a child, I would have appreciated guidance on what to do when men approach me, when they kept walking beside me and won't leave etc. My friend's mum was a social worker and gave us advice that I'm really grateful for.

If you're making a different point about teaching boys that it's rude to stare, respect boundaries etc. then yes, that should be standard.

Siblingquandary · 05/07/2021 11:18

@SassyGirl79

This has never happened to my daughter who’s 16, she’s slim big busted, latest trend but her style of dress doesn’t show anything, I think her friends may suffer from this as they look a lot older with make up, style of dress etc.. it’s wrong that men do this and it’s totally unacceptable but so many young girls look older but it’s still not right.
Maybe you should read back over the posts which recount being leered at while wearing baggy t-shirts etc?

It's fuck all to do with how much skin a girl is showing and everything to do with men being grubby little shits.

CBroads · 05/07/2021 11:18

This happened to my younger sister while we were in a train station, two 40 odd year old foreign guys, making lewid gestures and comments. I saw red, couldn't control myself and ended up giving one of them a good hiding, they deserved it, I felt good about it and my sister knows no to take shit now.

TheSockMonster · 05/07/2021 11:36

@SassyGirl79

This has never happened to my daughter who’s 16, she’s slim big busted, latest trend but her style of dress doesn’t show anything, I think her friends may suffer from this as they look a lot older with make up, style of dress etc.. it’s wrong that men do this and it’s totally unacceptable but so many young girls look older but it’s still not right.
Oh well that clears it up then, I guess my 11 year old DD is just being a slut?!

No make up. Baggy tops. Tall but obviously pre-pubescent figure. Very shy and avoids eye contact.

Her crime as far as I can tell is being pretty and female in public.

You DD may be (1) lucky, (2) particularly feisty looking (men tend to target quieter looking girls who won’t fight back) or (3) minimising.

TheSockMonster · 05/07/2021 11:39

Look at the TikTok videos linked in this article. Baggy T-shirt, no make up and very young/vulnerable looking.

This is not about men being tricked into thinking girls are older than they are.

knackeredcat · 05/07/2021 11:55

Yep, first happened in 1989 when I was 13, carried on for years. Soldiers, builders, random pervs. Flashed at. I was under 5 feet tall and wearing my very modest school uniform (old fashioned Catholic grammar school). I was usually alone as I was very shy and unpopular plus I was well developed, so to these creeps I was fair game. Hardly a great beauty but that's not the point. They were playing to an audience and enjoying intimidating a lone girl.

Nothing ever changes Angry

Katkinsgreyy · 05/07/2021 11:58

It is disgusting and unfortunately I just don't think it is something that will ever stop. Some men are just vile creatures and have no respect for girls/women.

I remember being groped on a bus when I was 15 in a hoodie and jeans (not that it matters what I was wearing).

ElephantMoth · 05/07/2021 12:01

@Wishmeluck99

And, I really hope the Daily Mail picks up on this....
Well I know The Guardian has a journalist on here as a article about Sarah Grove was out at the weekend and mentioned a thread about Martha Hancock that a few of us commented on printed in the article. I hope they do pick up on this as this behaviour goes on within the education setting where girls get told off wearing 'provocative' skirts etc, yet the teachers say nothing to the boys leering at them?
VexedofVirginiaWater · 05/07/2021 12:16

@LuluJakey1

I lived in London when I was in my 20s and there were men on the tube who were disgusting- pressing themselves against women, sometimes with erections, leering down tops, touching. They were often very respectable looking older men in business clothes.

I used to say loudly, ' Please don't stand so close to me. Do not touch me, ' or something similar and look disgusted. Mostly they looked embarrassed and moved away. I noticed they targeted women of almost all ages from about 14+.

Once, I saw a teenager say very loudly to a man who looked about 30 'Fuck off touching me - pervert! Get your cock off my bum!' He went very red and tried to move away. A space opened up around him as people stared at him. A middle-aged woman asked the teenager if she was ok and stood next to her. Two younger men moved nearer to him and stared him out. I hoped someone was going to punch him but it was just chillingly quiet. He got off at the next stop.

Oh this is such an encouraging story!
Graphista · 05/07/2021 13:23

@Allhallowseve thank you for answering. I think you're right. The difficulty comes from home can only influence so much.

The men in that video where their mothers were disguised and they were caught out and their mums were all "i did not raise you to behave like this!" Is what's worrying - how does a parent counteract the influence of wider society? Especially in teen years when they are pulling away from parental control?

I too recall the skirt lifting stage at school and how teachers not only did sod all but laughed about it

@Youdiditanyway sadly based on mine and others' experiences they're not too young - perhaps you need to consider you haven't noticed yet because you didn't think you needed to? Understandable but worth a thought?

@LuluJakey1 that should be happening every time there's such an incident on the tube, I know tfl and transport police have been trying for a long time to address this I'm just not sure how hard they're really trying and how much they can achieve without wider societal change

I too used to live in London and it's a long long standing issue

My friend's mum was a social worker and gave us advice that I'm really grateful for.

Interested to know what she advised

SassyGirl79 · 05/07/2021 14:52

@TheSockMonster
I hope I’ve done this reply right, I’m definitely not saying your daughters a slut and I can’t believe you’ve used this term for an 11 year old 🥺 and my daughter is quiet, timid and very child like for her age, her attending local youth/dance theatre groups has helped thankfully but obviously the pandemic hasn’t helped.
I don’t understand how males can tell by looking that someone is quiet.
I said it’s totally wrong that men do this and I’d never even think a 11 year old could be a slut that’s crazy, they’re innocent children who shouldn’t be experiencing this.

LemonDrizzles · 05/07/2021 18:24

@brilliantbetty

I'd love to know what you think you were told from so young to help you deal with such gross attention?

I had the same (even groped on public transport multiple times). I always used to freeze up. Now at over 35 I could speak up but..... I'm raising a dd. Just so so worried for her. I would appreciate any advice......

Thank you in advance...