Absolutely SICK of men leering at my 14 year old!

[MakeminealargeSauvignon]

Hi,

I know I'm far from alone and it's nothing new, depressingly, but after having dinner out tonight, quite honestly, I have absolutely had enough of leery fucking perverts staring at my child. This has been going on for probably the last 4 or so years.....so since she was about 10! It's absolutely disgusting!

She is clearly still a child. Not a 14 year old who looks like a 17/18 year old. Not that it's ever ok to be leered at at any age, but seriously, are there really this many disgusting paedophiles out there?!

Tonight, out of 4 tables of men with their families, 3 of them gawped and I mean gawped at my dd. She didn't notice the first 2, but the last she did and it made her so uncomfortable she was almost in tears and asked if we could go. The first 2 I gave a knowing icy glare and they quite quickly stopped, but the last was the worst and I actually said on the way out after my dd had gone, "she's 14 btw!" And he didn't looked shocked at all, just mildly embarrassed. I didn't want to say anything, because they were with their families, but that one was particularly bad and I just couldn't ignore.

As I say, this is nothing new. I remember exactly the same when I was her age and younger, 20 plus years ago and it would have been the same 20 plus years before that.

How is this still going on?!

Depressing, disturbing and an accepted part of our society, it seems.

When will this stop?

@VexedofVirginiaWater... and women (on MN) yet again refusing the idea that any woman or mother can have any blame or fault whatsoever for anything.

If you want a decent, non-pervy respectful adult son then both his mother - and his father - have just got to put the groundwork in.

Oh god, yes. Did anyone else think about this when faced with the recent media storm over Prof Whitty being "molested" by a pair of happy drunks wanting a selfie with a famous man? That every female everywhere gets properly molested far more, on a daily basis, and all the big men at the top give no shits?
Of course the recent court judgement over transgender MtF in women's prisons confirms that men's every whims are more important than girls and women in law. I am sick of it, beyond sick.

@gamerchick that hand thing, I didn't know about that until I met DH and he commented on me idly tickling his palm when holding his hand. He said it was a well known code for wanting sex (we were engaged by then, it wasn't him being a creep). Is this a really well known thing?

I don't think it's as bad as it was for our generation (I'm almost 50) I think it's worse!

A few years back I had a tradesman come to do a job, think he was early to mid 20's. Dd was 15 at the time and was hanging about the house but was appropriately dressed and it was winter so hardly revealing clothing. The next day he somehow found her on sm and tried chatting her up! She blocked him after me texting him that if he bothered her again I'd be involving the police - and yes he DID know how old she was as his younger cousin was in the same class as her and this came up in conversation!

Disgusting behaviour.

Perhaps previously I'd have "not wanted to make a fuss" but I don't gaf these days.

I'd temper my exact language in front of other kids but I think I would have gone up to them and said something like

"It is totally inappropriate and offensive to stare at underage GIRLS the way you do, it's harassment and you need to STOP doing it EVER"

I agree - in most cases they're well aware the target is underage! They don't need it pointed out to them.

And then if needed THEY can explain to their family what was meant!

Totally agree that unusual features - eg very blonde hair - seems to be like a fucking beacon to these creeps!

I was very very pale strawberry blonde when younger, white blonde when born.

Dd has had more issues than others her age because she is tall, slim, "exotic" looking (dark almost black naturally curly hair, olive skin, almond eyes), and then we had issues because she developed very young and as she is also extremely slim this was very noticeable

Even at school - the constant bra strap snapping! Which the teachers (male and female) did fuck all about!

what the hell kind of woman dragged them up?

Again we need to stop blaming women for men's behaviour - what the hell kind of MEN dragged them up?

@IHateCoronavirus the school should have dealt with this photo issue and encouraged the girls to also be photographed participating in school activities

@Talkwhilstyouwalk there's NEVER an excuse for leering whatever the age of the target, but it's especially heinous when it's girls - and if they have dc of their own they should know a rough age or at the very least that they're a good 20 years younger than them! From the way you're posting you're either oddly oblivious to the issue, or possibly make

@Allhallowseve genuine question - how are you (plural if dad still around) tackling this with your boys in terms of teaching them NOT to do this?

More likely to get a reaction of discomfort, embarrassment, fear, upset, obvious anger. Which is what s good portion of them enjoy.

Yep!

There are some posters on here get very eye rolly and say "there's not a paedo on every corner you know!"

Well based on not only personal experience but also from talking about this with my brother and others who are police officers...actually there is!

My father was one of them.

Every other week on the local Facebook there's outrage at yet another recently released from prison after a paltry sentence and locals complaining they shouldn't be allowed to live near schools etc - and that's just the ones that have been caught and convicted and we all know how rare that is!

would you be happy if my partner were ogling your children the way you are leering at mine?'

I like that response

@PartridgeFeather I sincerely hope you sacked that lawyer and told her AND her firm AND the SRA?

@CrazyNeighbour love that video and love the mamas treating into their no good sons! We need more of that kind of thing Showing men how disgusting and embarrassing they are (as in their parents would be mortified!)

• The amount of DADs who look out there windows at young girls walking along is sickening. I notice it all the time. Their wife / kids even in the car but their eyes go to the teenage child walking along.

'Or maybe the blame should go on the adult males choosing to behave in this way.'*

.. that's exactly what I meant. Even with their own family in the car, men are still happy to stare at a child. So brazen. Disgusting.

[quote TartanDMs]@gamerchick that hand thing, I didn't know about that until I met DH and he commented on me idly tickling his palm when holding his hand. He said it was a well known code for wanting sex (we were engaged by then, it wasn't him being a creep). Is this a really well known thing?[/quote]
I didn't know until on a thread on here one day. I remember it happening when I was a young teen and some bloke older than my dad shook my hand. Gave me the heebies when I read what it meant. I remember feeling uncomfortable at the time though.

@Graphista yes indeed, what kind of men dragged them up but, as they've been treating women like shit for centuries, I hold out more hope for the female parent to educate the male child about respect for women. And as the mum of a teenage boy who has seen the effect of all this on his sister, I guess I find it hard to understand other women who don't stamp out sexism at home.

Unfortunately the perv-enabling lawyer is not in the UK so can't report. I currently live in a misogynist's paradise, although judging by this thread the UK is not far behind.

@Graphista I agree there is never an excuse for leering. However there is a fine line between leering and simply looking.

If a man knows that he is looking at a 14 year old then I totally agree he is a disgusting perv.

However, if he thinks he's looking woman or perhaps hasn't seen the girls face then it's human nature to look (NOT LEER) at somebody you find attractive.

Just saying there is a fine line between being a perv and misjudging a persons age.

Just saying there is a fine line between being a perv and misjudging a persons age.

So adult women are fair game? As long as children are left alone then adult women are just collateral damage I guess

They're not misjudging age. I was a tall 12 year old but I was very fucking obviously 12 when this started for me. Funny how women don't seem to struggle with judging a child's age.

I held my mum and dads hand in public for years to 'help' men age me appropriately as a child but I shouldn't have had to (and it didn't always help either) they KNEW I was under 16 - they knew and they didn't care.

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

Just saying there is a fine line between being a perv and misjudging a persons age.

So adult women are fair game? As long as children are left alone then adult women are just collateral damage I guess

Of course not. Leering is never acceptable. But if you see an attractive male do you not ever have a quick glance? Surely it's human nature to do so? If I initially saw an attractive man with a six pack and then realised as I got closer that I'd been looking at a 14 year old I would feel mortified, but it wouldn't make me a perv as clearly I would have totally misjudged his age!

Just saying it's not always as black and white as it seems. Of course it's not acceptable for older men to leer at teenage girls, or any woman for that matter. But what if they are just having a quick look at someone who at first glance looks like an attractive woman? You can't always tell how old people are!

[quote PartridgeFeather]@VexedofVirginiaWater... and women (on MN) yet again refusing the idea that any woman or mother can have any blame or fault whatsoever for anything.

If you want a decent, non-pervy respectful adult son then both his mother - and his father - have just got to put the groundwork in.
[/quote]
Exactly - BOTH his mother and his father - not just the mother which the first poster I quoted did.

I don't think anyone is complaining about the quick looks .. personally I'm complaining about grown men shouting to me that they wanted to fuck me, that I had a nice arse and (memorably) that they wanted to "lick my sweet pussy" when I was 12 or 13. I have photos from that time, Im pretty, I'm tall but I'm OBVIOUSLY under age. Please don't make excuses for this, it's bad enough that it happens without others trying to make it ok

@MakeminealargeSauvignon

It's beyond depressing how common this is.

I have spent the past hour trying to reassure dd that it had nothing to do with her dress or her make up or how she had done her hair! She genuinely blames herself and thinks that it wouldn't have happened if she was wearing joggers. Honestly, my heart breaks that she is blaming herself for these perverts disgusting behaviour. They might think it's 'just looking' but there is absolutely no "just" about it.

She's even questioning all the men in our family now "What if dad/grandad does it too?" It's obviously been bothering her for a long time.

I'm so angry.

OP you need to address this ASAP.

Show her the posts on this thread.

That's there are women of 60, 40, saying it happened when they were young and they hated it.

Show her the rage the vast majority of women feel.

Make her understand that lecherous men will ogle whoever catches their eye. They are scumbags. Nothing to do with her.

Remind her that men like this often target girls in school uniform. Properly worn uniform with skirt below the knee, blazer. Clunky shoes.

Tell her it's fine to be upset because a horrible man did something wrong. What a bastard to do that. And with his family! Most men aren't like that but s sadly large minority are. They are not worth her upset anger etc. They are sexist, objectifying scumbags.

And buy her some good books about feminism

[quote TartanDMs]@gamerchick that hand thing, I didn't know about that until I met DH and he commented on me idly tickling his palm when holding his hand. He said it was a well known code for wanting sex (we were engaged by then, it wasn't him being a creep). Is this a really well known thing?[/quote]
No.

!

Oh fuck! Copy paste on phone went mad.

Will get it deleted and try again!

[quote Talkwhilstyouwalk]@Graphista I agree there is never an excuse for leering. However there is a fine line between leering and simply looking.

If a man knows that he is looking at a 14 year old then I totally agree he is a disgusting perv.

However, if he thinks he's looking woman or perhaps hasn't seen the girls face then it's human nature to look (NOT LEER) at somebody you find attractive.

Just saying there is a fine line between being a perv and misjudging a persons age.[/quote]
No.

Girls have been 'looking older' since forever.

It's an excuse.

The fact is that the men who do this know they can do it with impunity. They also like to do it to girls who are younger as they are less likely to blank them/ threaten police or whatever. More likely to get a reaction of discomfort, embarrassment, fear, upset, obvious anger. Which is what s good portion of them enjoy.

For the rest. They aren't giving a second thought to age. If there's some height boobs bum then fair game. Girls in school uniform get this stuff.

So no. They are not confused. Misled by what the girl looks like.

And men shouldn't be openly staring at, ogling, saying stuff etc to women of any age.

At DD primary there were 2 girls well over 5 foot and with very developed breasts and bums. Year 6. Children.

So no. I thought she looked older is about society not wanting to challenge men on this.

In all honesty I'm glad I don't have a daughter when I think back it's how I was treated from around 14..I was young looking for my age too it was disgusting. I agree if call them out on it, tough if they are with their families. Dirty pigs

You only know age if you ask.

(School uniform is a clue though? And DD has had looks while holding my hand on the high street and once she was carrying s cuddly toy FFS).

Anyway.

So if a girl s man wants to eyeball is there. He should go and ask how old she is. And then proceed accordingly?

That's a terrible plan.

You need to show her you've got her back. If men are staring in public I would make a point of saying loud and clear "Is there a reason you're staring at my daughter?" And then state her age. Call it out every time. You are the adult and you need to make it very clear that you see this and it's unacceptable. Give her the reassurance that she's done nothing to attract this unwanted attention and call out the dickhead. Men can be so fucking disgusting.

Yes, it happens with my teenage daughters a lot.
I called the men out in one situation and they were very physically threatening and abusive towards me.
Grown men perving over girls in school uniform is a problem all of society needs to deal with.

My fourteen year old mouths 'nonce' at them. It's very sad.

Yanbu my dd 14 was recently walking to school so obviously in uniform and man in a car slowed down whilst driving past her so he could gawp