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Original poster

Absolutely SICK of men leering at my 14 year old!

212 replies

MakeminealargeSauvignon · 04/07/2021 19:00

Hi,

I know I'm far from alone and it's nothing new, depressingly, but after having dinner out tonight, quite honestly, I have absolutely had enough of leery fucking perverts staring at my child. This has been going on for probably the last 4 or so years.....so since she was about 10! It's absolutely disgusting!

She is clearly still a child. Not a 14 year old who looks like a 17/18 year old. Not that it's ever ok to be leered at at any age, but seriously, are there really this many disgusting paedophiles out there?!

Tonight, out of 4 tables of men with their families, 3 of them gawped and I mean gawped at my dd. She didn't notice the first 2, but the last she did and it made her so uncomfortable she was almost in tears and asked if we could go. The first 2 I gave a knowing icy glare and they quite quickly stopped, but the last was the worst and I actually said on the way out after my dd had gone, "she's 14 btw!" And he didn't looked shocked at all, just mildly embarrassed. I didn't want to say anything, because they were with their families, but that one was particularly bad and I just couldn't ignore.

As I say, this is nothing new. I remember exactly the same when I was her age and younger, 20 plus years ago and it would have been the same 20 plus years before that.

How is this still going on?!

Depressing, disturbing and an accepted part of our society, it seems.

When will this stop?

OP posts:
IHateCoronavirus · 04/07/2021 19:37

It is disgusting. I wish it was different for our daughters.
My DC’s high school has recently sent out profiles of the potential head boy/girl candidates (all made by the kids themselves). The boys pictures are all natural photos of them doing some sort of activity or comedy shots of them with a prop etc. Out of the girls there is only one photograph like this, the rest of them have all opted for pouting faces and filters. Why? What message are we sending our girls that THIS is what we value about them? That they feel the only way to get votes is by pouting! Sad

Antiquestuff · 04/07/2021 19:38

@rossloass wtf?! Angry

Wearywithteens · 04/07/2021 19:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 04/07/2021 19:40

Horrible for the 14 year old, and for a mother to see as well.

However, it can be difficult to age young people, perhaps they think she's a lot older than she is?

Allhallowseve · 04/07/2021 19:40

Lovely story about the mum on the building site ! I want to be that mum !
I have three boys so have a lot of teaching to do in a different way . However was leered at also from age 9-10 and it's despicable to even think about it now. I think we all need to speak up call it out if we see it this needs to change.

Sloaneslone · 04/07/2021 19:41

@Wearywithteens

My dd - who gets harassed by males wherever she goes, said that depressingly it was far worse when she was in her school uniform. It’s a very serious societal issue that isn’t even on the radar of being taken seriously. Sad
This is so true.

I wouldn't ever go into town on my way from school. It was terrifying.

In fact, it happenednto me so much through my teens I had a beast reduction at 23. Hoping that would stop it.

Its didn't. But not it feels like a very expensive form of self harm.

IWishIWasABaller · 04/07/2021 19:42

With my eldest I used to correct it loudly everytime , withering look and "she is a child" said nice and loud to attract the attention of those around us. I wouldn't care who they were with to be honest , they are the ones being disgusting perverts and they need to be called out. My youngest daughter is almost ten now and I know I'll probably have to dust off the look and loud voice again soon

TheCanyon · 04/07/2021 19:43

My 12yo has a dd cup, the gawping is horrendous. She's really aware of it and really quite self conscious. I would really lose my shit at someone staring it saying anything to her but I'm a gobby wee shite with no fear filter.

Antiquestuff · 04/07/2021 19:43

@Talkwhilstyouwalk it’s nasty to leer anyway so even if they think she’s older there’s no need for it.

KaptainKaveman · 04/07/2021 19:44

Some workmen did similar when I walked past with my then 14byear old dd. I told her to walk on and I'd catch her up.

I then went over to them and told them she was 14 which made them paedophiles. I said that word several times and reinforced - several times - that they presented as men who want to have sex with children. I then told them I would call the head of the building company, the name of which was on their van and warn him he was employing child sex predators. I also told them I would get the Police to check if they were on the sex offenders register. I was calm but loud and very stern. I finished off by telling them that I would go into every single local cafe and shop and warn them not to serve the paedophile builders from XXX ( name of building company). Then I said goodbye and left.

LavenderAskew · 04/07/2021 19:44

I didn't want to say anything, because they were with their families, but that one was particularly bad and I just couldn't ignore.
In reality not saying anything an excuse to avoid confronting them. They are there perving a child in front of their families.

Shouldershrugger · 04/07/2021 19:45

I have many a time embarrassed the paedos myself. I had one guy try and touch my dd's hand and I went off. She was very nonchalant about it and said it happened often. It enrages me. These men are disgusting.

NiceGerbil · 04/07/2021 19:51

@Talkwhilstyouwalk

Horrible for the 14 year old, and for a mother to see as well.

However, it can be difficult to age young people, perhaps they think she's a lot older than she is?

No.

Girls have been 'looking older' since forever.

It's an excuse.

The fact is that the men who do this know they can do it with impunity. They also like to do it to girls who are younger as they are less likely to blank them/ threaten police or whatever. More likely to get a reaction of discomfort, embarrassment, fear, upset, obvious anger. Which is what s good portion of them enjoy.

For the rest. They aren't giving a second thought to age. If there's some height boobs bum then fair game. Girls in school uniform get this stuff.

So no. They are not confused. Misled by what the girl looks like.

And men shouldn't be openly staring at, ogling, saying stuff etc to women of any age.

At DD primary there were 2 girls well over 5 foot and with very developed breasts and bums. Year 6. Children.

So no. I thought she looked older is about society not wanting to challenge men on this.

MondayYogurt · 04/07/2021 19:51

And we wonder why girls want to be NB or boys.

DunnerRunner · 04/07/2021 19:55

My girls ate in thier early 20s now but we had this from.age 11 inwards.
Absolutely vile.
Quite a few times I retorted " like 14yos do you? You paedo".

"She's 14 ffs you paedo".

It did tend to embarrass them and at least get them to lift thuer bottom jaw up yo meet thier upper jaw.

It is absolutely vile.

FictionalCharacter · 04/07/2021 19:55

@PartridgeFeather “what the hell kind of woman dragged them up?” Don’t blame women for this! They get it from their peers, not their mothers. Women really do get blamed for everything.

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop "can you please stop staring at the child please". That’s a good one - better than calling them paedos because you’re calling out what they’re actually doing, rather than accusing them of something serious, and it’s a fact that they were staring at a child.

MimiSunshine · 04/07/2021 19:58

@MakeminealargeSauvignon

Actually I meant to *@MimiSunshine* too.

Agree with you both. I wish I'd been braver.

You did great. It’s easy for me to say ‘calm them out’ but when you’re in the situation it’s so shocking you se of guess yourself. Next time just know you wouldn’t be the one in the wrong to say something.
minatrina · 04/07/2021 20:03

This thread has upset me. Like a pp, I naively thought this kind of thing didn't happen as much as it did when I was a child.

I was in a DD cup bra in year 6. Carried on growing and I ended up in an F cup by the time I was in year 8, and I was also very skinny everywhere else so it was very noticeable. I was routinely harassed by random grown men in all kinds of ways, and at the time I assumed they all thought I was older than I was and this was just how men treated women.

I was an awkward-looking child and didn't get any interest at all from boys my own age. But I did blossom somewhat at age 18 and suddenly the boys my age were interested. One day, when I was 18 and going to clubs, I realised that the creepy older men didn't harass me any near as much anymore. I was only getting interest from people my own age. That's when I realised, they old men weren't harassing me because they thought I looked older; it must have been specifically because they knew I was a child. Made me feel sick and still does to this day tbh.

I agree with a previous poster that they get off on making children uncomfortable and scared. They like the power of it I think. I often think I hope my next baby is a girl but the idea of having to worry about them dealing with this makes me feel sick.

Whingey · 04/07/2021 20:03

Got a paedophile touched me at 10 years old and asked me if I liked it. Wish I told the police

Usual2usual · 04/07/2021 20:04

I remember this from young. What is even worse is I remember my mum pointing out 'oh he thinks you're pretty' like I should be proud of being perved over (she is like that though, womens only value is their looks - how I ended up a feminist I've no idea).

I dread this happening to my DD. I like to think I will be brave enough to call these men out on it.

NiceGerbil · 04/07/2021 20:07

This is a societal issue.

It's been going on forever I'm sure.

If society in general saw it as a problem it would soon reduce. Because people around would react etc. It would be socially unacceptable. And that would stop a lot of it.

The levels of street harassment etc in different countries/ areas shows this is a social issue.

Why when it comes to dodgy behaviour from men to women and girls is it not seen as important, it's up to girls and women to 'deal with it'. It's shit.

fantastaballs · 04/07/2021 20:09

I feel your pain op. My daughter is 12, almost 13 and is 5ft 8 with an hour glass figure. She's boastful and confident and has a super husky voice. If we walk past men and they don't see her, they here her and their heads literally swivel. Eyes on stalks. Makes me feel physically sick. I'm not for conflict or drama but anything longer than 2-3 seconds or a passing glance and it wakes a scary strong monster or something in me. I get quite scared of my own reaction to them and have to rein myself in as I'm terrified of losing it after a lifetime of being sexually abused and assaulted.

Men are the fucking worst. I long to live in an all woman society.

Gilead · 04/07/2021 20:13

I was a well developed teen with a small waist. I got so much hassle, hated it, I’m 62 now and haven’t forgotten how it felt. Because of this I called it out publicly every time it happened to my dts. They are now confident enough (mid twenties) to tell people to fuck right off!

Cheeeeislifenow · 04/07/2021 20:14

It has to be called out. Every single time. Vile paedos, what the hell kind of woman dragged them up?

Why are you blaming women for the actions of men?

Maassi · 04/07/2021 20:15

I don't l think its useful to say to these disgusting men are you aware she's 14 years old and a child. That's exactly why they will be looking these disgusting vile men and you just feed into their fantasies by confirming the age.

Far far better to address their families that they are with with a passing comment - "...oh btw this man has been staring at my child for the last x number of minutes. You might wanna have a word with the revolting pervert..." and then walk off.