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Original poster

Absolutely SICK of men leering at my 14 year old!

212 replies

MakeminealargeSauvignon · 04/07/2021 19:00

Hi,

I know I'm far from alone and it's nothing new, depressingly, but after having dinner out tonight, quite honestly, I have absolutely had enough of leery fucking perverts staring at my child. This has been going on for probably the last 4 or so years.....so since she was about 10! It's absolutely disgusting!

She is clearly still a child. Not a 14 year old who looks like a 17/18 year old. Not that it's ever ok to be leered at at any age, but seriously, are there really this many disgusting paedophiles out there?!

Tonight, out of 4 tables of men with their families, 3 of them gawped and I mean gawped at my dd. She didn't notice the first 2, but the last she did and it made her so uncomfortable she was almost in tears and asked if we could go. The first 2 I gave a knowing icy glare and they quite quickly stopped, but the last was the worst and I actually said on the way out after my dd had gone, "she's 14 btw!" And he didn't looked shocked at all, just mildly embarrassed. I didn't want to say anything, because they were with their families, but that one was particularly bad and I just couldn't ignore.

As I say, this is nothing new. I remember exactly the same when I was her age and younger, 20 plus years ago and it would have been the same 20 plus years before that.

How is this still going on?!

Depressing, disturbing and an accepted part of our society, it seems.

When will this stop?

OP posts:
mbosnz · 04/07/2021 20:25

If they had their children there, perhaps say something along the lines of , 'would you be happy if my partner were ogling your children the way you are leering at mine?'

Fleetw00d · 04/07/2021 20:38

I would honestly lose my shit, whether they were with their families or not if it was that obvious, but this would pale in comparison to what my oh would do or say if he saw this either with his own dd or any young girl tbh. But if someone was leering at his 14 year old dd, well as an ex pro fighter I would just let him crack on.
I honestly can't believe the audacity some men have to do this, it's perverse. I think it's so wrong and makes me worry for their own children and children's friends.
Your dd obviously has a very protective and aware mum which she is lucky to have!

Atalune · 04/07/2021 20:38

It’s so enraging and totally unacceptable.

I’m torn between calling out these individuals and then also wanting to keep myself and my dd safe.

“Why are you gawping at a child? Are you sexually attracted to my 12 year old child?”

These might be good openers.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 04/07/2021 20:41

[quote Antiquestuff]@Talkwhilstyouwalk it’s nasty to leer anyway so even if they think she’s older there’s no need for it.[/quote]
This is of course true! Although it's a fine line. I totally agree it's nasty to leer but I do think that for humans it's normal to notice and look at a good looking guy/girl. If they think she's a lot older than she is, and it is difficult to age people, then they are probably not peadophiles. I hope and suspect that most of the older men who look at her would be horrified to learn that she's only 14....

BrilliantBetty · 04/07/2021 20:42

A few posters have mentioned looking older, having DD breasts, hourglass figure etc. I don't think it makes a blind bit of difference, they look at an undeveloped/ young looking girls too. And they know they are children.

Original poster
MakeminealargeSauvignon · 04/07/2021 20:46

It's beyond depressing how common this is.

I have spent the past hour trying to reassure dd that it had nothing to do with her dress or her make up or how she had done her hair! Angry She genuinely blames herself and thinks that it wouldn't have happened if she was wearing joggers. Honestly, my heart breaks that she is blaming herself for these perverts disgusting behaviour. They might think it's 'just looking' but there is absolutely no "just" about it.

She's even questioning all the men in our family now Sad "What if dad/grandad does it too?" It's obviously been bothering her for a long time.

I'm so angry.

OP posts:
BringBackThinEyebrows · 04/07/2021 20:48

@Cheeeeislifenow

It has to be called out. Every single time. Vile paedos, what the hell kind of woman dragged them up?

Why are you blaming women for the actions of men?

Thank you for saying it! Grown men who choose to gawp at children are utterly disgusting. No one else is responsible for their behaviour.

I would start recording them on my phone then loudly tell them to stop perving over a child.

Peterbear · 04/07/2021 20:49

@sloansloan good for your mother! OP these men need to be called out in front of their families- it's unacceptable and until we stop accepting it it will carry on! Sorry it happened - horrid for you and your daughter 💐

irresistibleoverwhelm · 04/07/2021 21:00

And people wonder why so many teenage girls want to become 'non-binary' or men. Sad Either they get leered at from a young age and feel like it's their fault, or they're made to feel like they're something wrong with them if they don't get leered at. Girls can't win. So awful that this is still the case in 2021. When I was growing up in the 90s we thought things would have changed by now. Angry

Siblingquandary · 04/07/2021 21:02

@MakeminealargeSauvignon

It's beyond depressing how common this is.

I have spent the past hour trying to reassure dd that it had nothing to do with her dress or her make up or how she had done her hair! Angry She genuinely blames herself and thinks that it wouldn't have happened if she was wearing joggers. Honestly, my heart breaks that she is blaming herself for these perverts disgusting behaviour. They might think it's 'just looking' but there is absolutely no "just" about it.

She's even questioning all the men in our family now Sad "What if dad/grandad does it too?" It's obviously been bothering her for a long time.

I'm so angry.

I used to get it aged 12-13 wearing baggy tops, no make up etc.

It's actually really affected my self esteem and even now I'm super self conscious about my body.

It's such a shock when it starts happening and it shifted the way I felt about myself and the way I inhabited my place in the world.

I hate that it's still going on.

Sadly your daughter will learn how to deal with it but she shouldn't have to.

The older I got the more I called them out on it myself.

The one bonus of being older and greyer the invisibility cloak that comes with it.

WheresTheLambSauce · 04/07/2021 21:05

Unfortunately some men give 0 shits about being called out as pedos. I remember when I was 15 a friend told me that she had been followed by two men while on a trip into town. She (very bravely) turned to them and said "I'm only fifteen." Their response? "We don't care." Angry

mbosnz · 04/07/2021 21:07

It's not your daughter's fault, or responsibility, anymore than it was my twelve year old girls. They are beautiful, they are enjoying their youth and beauty, and sadly, far too many entitled chauvinistic brutes have no idea that they should behave more appropriately, let alone how to.

igelkott2021 · 04/07/2021 21:09

BUT… not calling it out BECAUSE they’re with their families is part of the problem

Totally have a daughter but if I did have one, and stupid leery men were doing this, I would tell them EXACTLY what I thought of them - LOUDLY so the whole restaurant could hear! No doubt they'd try to minimise it and make it seem like I was a mad woman, but I think the the other guests would draw their own conclusions. And the blokes' wives/partners.

gamerchick · 04/07/2021 21:11

From when we start puberty we get men assessing how our figures progress. It's awful and there's not one woman who hasn't had someone's gaze.

I wish I'd known about that creepy handshake some older men do to young girls though. At least teach her that and that it's not ok. Makes you feel really uncomfortable at the time. The one where they tickle the palm with a finger. Dirty bastards.

PartridgeFeather · 04/07/2021 21:12

@MakeminealargeSauvignon

It's beyond depressing how common this is.

I have spent the past hour trying to reassure dd that it had nothing to do with her dress or her make up or how she had done her hair! Angry She genuinely blames herself and thinks that it wouldn't have happened if she was wearing joggers. Honestly, my heart breaks that she is blaming herself for these perverts disgusting behaviour. They might think it's 'just looking' but there is absolutely no "just" about it.

She's even questioning all the men in our family now Sad "What if dad/grandad does it too?" It's obviously been bothering her for a long time.

I'm so angry.

My DD's paternal grandfather DID do it. I had a previous thread about it. She felt absolutely terrible and won't go round there again. We're in litigation so told my 50something female lawyer who basically dismissed me out of hand as a hysterical nutjob.

Women's attitudes have got to change. Where is the pushback??

Peterbear · 04/07/2021 21:12

Funny how you don't get middle aged women leering at 13/14 year old boys...it would just be seen as so,so wrong. (Which ofcourse it would be).why is that though? And why haven't we moved on since the 1970's.?? So depressing:(

sadperson16 · 04/07/2021 21:15

Leering at a young girl is vile.

CrazyNeighbour · 04/07/2021 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TodClarty · 04/07/2021 21:27

When I was around 15 I remember dreading the walk to school because I was alone and it sometimes involved men shouting out of cars at me or catching their eyes looking at me. I felt really uncomfortable.

Walked home with friends so that wasn't bad. It was the vulnerability of being alone and being looked over. Yuck.

I went on a school trip and we had a disco on the last night. I saw the male teachers, who I'd thought were lovely, huddled round their beers looking me up and down obvs having a inappropriate chat about the girls in the class. Disgusting and depressing.

TheMawisbraw · 04/07/2021 21:28

I have noticed this with my 14 soon to be 15 year old, I don’t remember it ever happening to me but I was makeup free had a monobrow and always in jodhpurs and wellies at her age, my daughter on the other is an absolute knock out beauty that loves to put makeup on and Is very good at it, she’s also a size 8 and 6 foot, she is like a lean leggy model. It makes me so uncomfortable and scared for her but why should she change or hide, she has terrible low confidence so I wouldn’t dare comment on her appearance other to say you look lovely, it would be terrible for her fragile confidence if I said don’t tan etc it makes her happy but it’s a real worry

PartridgeFeather · 04/07/2021 21:29

I absolutely will blame the mother, where applicable. I have met far too many hypocritical, weak-minded women in my life to do otherwise. Mothers have far more power than they realise, but IME often fail to use it for fear of confrontation or idk whatever lame reason.

But don't worry, I'll equally blame the fathers. As I said, teaching your kids respect for the opposite sex is not rocket science.

VexedofVirginiaWater · 04/07/2021 21:29

Vile paedos, what the hell kind of woman dragged them up?

Women yet again being blamed for what grown men do - didn't they have fathers? Oh wait ... could this maybe be the problem?

The amount of DADs who look out there windows at young girls walking along is sickening. I notice it all the time. Their wife / kids even in the car but their eyes go to the teenage child walking along.

Or maybe the blame should go on the adult males choosing to behave in this way.

pumpkinpie01 · 04/07/2021 21:35

My dd has just done a piece of work for university on sexual harassment, she sent out an anonymous survey and the amount of women that had been harassed since the age of 12 was shocking , so many of them in their school uniform. Her lecturer asked her if it was something she had experience of , and was shocked when she said she gets harassed by men on a daily basis and has done for years. It's disgusting and makes me and her so angry

randomkey123 · 04/07/2021 21:37

Yes to calling them out on it.

It has to be challenged and men doing it deserve to be embarrassed.

Wizzbangfizz · 04/07/2021 21:42

I'm experiencing this with my well developed 12 year old - I haven't confronted yet but after reading this I'm going to start.

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