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Original poster

Has anyone else been able to accept uneven inheritance?

225 replies

Spoldge45 · 01/07/2021 21:18

I'll keep this brief. 6yrs ago DH's mother died. She had a house worth £620k & savings of £50k She gave the house to DH's sister & the £50k to DH. (The house was sold a few months later).

We used the £50k to pay a lump sum off our mortgage.

Obviously DH's mum was perfectly within her rights to do this, it was her money & she had the right to distribute it exactly how she likes, but I just wondered how common this is & if anyone else has experienced similar?

To this day we have no idea what caused the disparity & its that that has caused the upset rather than the actual financial implications.

Both DH & his sister had one child each, so there were 2 grandchildren in total. Our daughter is 12 & our nephew is now 18.

It was quite while ago now, but it has definitely had an effect on us as a family in many ways. DH's mental health has never been quite the same and its had a negative effect on his relationship with his sister.

Has anyone else been able to move on from a situation like this?

OP posts:
SwishSwishBisch · 01/07/2021 22:20

Honestly, all this thread is telling me is to spend everything while you’re alive, and not bother with a will.

CharlieBoo · 01/07/2021 22:27

I’m so sorry this has happened to your DH. Even though it’s a large sum of money, it’s the motive behind it and the hurt that causes the most pain.

I know of people it’s happened to, but not with such a vast difference of amounts.

Hugoslavia · 01/07/2021 22:27

It seems to me that she wanted her daughter to keep the house, perhaps to provide her with a home/security or for sentimental reasons. It used to be more common years ago (my grandparents generation) to leave assets to specific people rather than a share of. I also think that it depends upon the differing circumstances of the siblings. She might have been trying to even circumstances out. It's certainly not a reflection of how much she loved each sibling.

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General money
HotChocolateLover · 01/07/2021 22:28

It was a disaster when my grandfather died. He left 94% of the will to my uncle, 6% to my auntie and cut out my mum! There were 6 cousins. 3 got £10k each. That’s 2 belonging to the uncle and 1 belonging to the auntie. The other cousin belonging to the auntie got cut out. My sister and I got £300 each! The auntie that got 6% had an inkling that my mum wasn’t getting anything so had told my mum that she’d split her inheritance (around £45k after tax) Finally, the will was read, divided and my auntie never spoke to my mum again and obviously reneged on giving her the cash.

So in answer to your question…nightmare 😂

tywysoges · 01/07/2021 22:30

Similar situation to some of PP, except my DGM hadn’t died. She decided that one of her sons needed her house more than the others, so she got all her children to agree to give up their inheritance in favour of their brother. Everyone agreed, she transferred the house and my uncle promptly sold it - house was very basic but it was in a very expensive area, so he built himself and his family a mansion on the edge of town with the proceeds, and DGM was homeless and spent her final years living in my aunt’s spare room. My father never spoke to his brother again, not because of the money but because of how my uncle treated DGM.

JustATypo · 01/07/2021 22:41

Will splits should always be equal. They represent what the deceased person thoughts of those who were left. I don’t understand why parents would leave things unequally, they must be dense if they can’t think through consequences of an uneven financial split on sibling relationships. And it doesn’t matter if at the time of death one is poor and one is rich. Jobs get lost, marriages breakdown, health can decline, and hence financial circumstances can quickly change.

theleafandnotthetree · 01/07/2021 22:41

My father occasionally makes noises about one of us getting more than the other, I think it's a power thing or an attempt to unleash or prove some sort of grabbiness. Our response is 'whatever' and a brisk reminder that whatever he decides to do, we will ensure that everything is split as close to 50% as possible. It is very poor form for your sister in law to allow this injustice to stand.

MsHedgehog · 01/07/2021 22:42

I know someone it happened to. My cousin had two sons. He split his inheritance between one son and his own brother, leaving his other son with absolutely nothing. They had a difficult relationship so essentially he wrote his son out of the will and gave what would have been his share to his brother.

The son who received inheritance split it with the other son (ie his brother). The uncle refused to share anything.

Wombat36 · 01/07/2021 22:46

It happened in my family apparently. Boys got large chunks of property, only girl nothing. But that was years ago & I think it's only now in old-age that the unfair division penny is dropping.

More pertinently, my friend has just lost her mum, brother has got the house & it's now radio silence. She is not happy as previously will had an equal division of assets.

Louieee · 01/07/2021 22:47

I'm very sorry for your DH. Not knowing the reason for grossly unfair treatment from the person who brought you up... must really eat him up inside.

Compounded by an incredibly selfish stance (to not share the inheritance) from the sibling he grew up with - even if she was a single parent and really needed that security more she could have talked to your DH, e.g. offer to write in her will to leave half to the cousins each.

He's dealing with loss of his entire family and what it's meant to provide: love, security, financial and emotional support etc. Hopefully your side of the family is more supportive.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 01/07/2021 22:48

My mum had a turbulent relationship with my brother. Every few months she’d be in the solicitors changing the will so only I would inherit. Then they’d make up and she’d be back changing it to 50/50 ... she’d pay quite a lot to do these changes.

I kept telling her she was wasting her money as whatever the will said when she died I would spilt it fairly.

canary1 · 01/07/2021 22:49

Have had it happen in my family, and just like yours, it killed off the relationship between the siblings and soured what should have been happy memories. Dreadful thing to do.

theleafandnotthetree · 01/07/2021 22:49

@JustATypo

Will splits should always be equal. They represent what the deceased person thoughts of those who were left. I don’t understand why parents would leave things unequally, they must be dense if they can’t think through consequences of an uneven financial split on sibling relationships. And it doesn’t matter if at the time of death one is poor and one is rich. Jobs get lost, marriages breakdown, health can decline, and hence financial circumstances can quickly change.
That's exactly right. Right now and on paper, my sister is substantially better off but that is because she has made very good choices in terms of career, house purchases, etc.and is in a relationship with somebody who is also very comfortably off. She shouldn't be punished for this by my inheriting more than her. And in theory she could lose her health, her job, her relationship, these things are not set in stone. And I could win the lotto, marry a millionaire or become a world famous author (all three wildly unlikely). Scrupulously even is the only way to do it unless in very partucular cases - for example where one sibling has devoted years to caring for a parent anf hugely sacrificed their own career or ability to acquire a home. But even here, this should be explained to all and mitigated in other ways (e.g That sibling gets the house, others get all the money)..
HoppingPavlova · 01/07/2021 22:50

I would think his mother would have based it on a few things at the time - essentially that her daughter was a single parent with one incident me and her son was married with two incomes, that you would likely gain some inheritance from your family in the future to add to yourself and DH’s pot whereas your sister would not. Also, what is the earning capacity? Is sister a lower income earner than your DH or is it even? I’m also guessing the house has skyrocketed in price since the mother initially made the will?

We need to redo our Wills and will likely do it in an equitable way for our kids rather than equal as the difference money would make to one, high income earner at start of career, massive earning potential is very different from another who is disabled and will struggle with employment and others range somewhere in the middle. None of this will be a surprise when we die though and I would hope it’s even the mentality/would be the suggestion of the kids if they had to do it for us, if not we’ve really done something wrong raising them! I know nothing can ever be future proofed, circumstances may change and in 20 years one may have an accident and never be able to work (although we have drummed in the necessity of life/disability/income protection insurances to them), go through a nasty divorce but you can only work with the information you’ve got now.

HerRoyalNotness · 01/07/2021 22:52

My GF cut one of his DC out of his will. His siblings all gave a portion to make up one for him. Ironically he was a shareholder in the family business so got a cut that way anyway, so ended up with more than everyone else Grin

HoppingPavlova · 01/07/2021 22:53

Will splits should always be equal. They represent what the deceased person thoughts of those who were left.

The thing is they don’t represent that to everyone. This is how some may view it, others would view it as representing their family taken care of financially moving forward. It’s not a blanket belief/understanding.

Tanfastic · 01/07/2021 22:54

I used to type Wills in my former job and nothing surprises me. I've been astonished by some. Usually though when there is someone very obviously left out a note is sometimes put in explaining the reasoning behind it.

A friend of mine's dh inherited the bulk of his mum's estate, gave half to his sister and she still never spoke to him again Confused

LuluJakey1 · 01/07/2021 22:55

DH's grandma had 4 grandchildren, 2 are DH and his sister and two are the children of her son who died many years ago. She never saw those two - they lived at the other end if the country, never visited, their mother married again and apart from an odd Christmas card that was that. DH and his family lived a couple of streets away, she saw them every day, looked after them after school and as she became older was very reliant on his parents. She wrote her will splitting all her money and the house between DH and his sister equally and explained why in the will.
No one in the family knew what she had done - it was done through a solicitor and properly done when she was fit and well.

LuluJakey1 · 01/07/2021 22:57

The cousins had a solicitor write a letter implying they might contest the will. DH's solicitor wrote a firm letter back and that was that. We have never heard from them since- several years ago now.

LublinToDublin · 01/07/2021 23:02

Her DD was on her own. That makes things very different. University costs, retirement costs, old age alone etc

I don't understand that logic at all. I have 2 brothers both married with dc. I am single and have 1 dc who has complex needs. My parents' wills left everything split equally between the 3 of us. I would have been mortified if they had treated me differently.

AnotherDayAnotherCake · 01/07/2021 23:03

This will happen in our family, I guess the difference is our surviving parent has told everyone and their reasons.
3/4 to one child 1/4 to the other.
Sucks when you are the one getting less. More so when you don’t agree with the logic (because the other DC is a single parent). But there you go. It’s taken a while for us to accept it/ make peace with it but somehow we have.

junipertree2 · 01/07/2021 23:04

That's grossly unfair. People challenge wills over things like that. Was there any reason for such an decision? Did the children see or witness the will before her death? Bet even the solicitor was wondering...

AnotherDayAnotherCake · 01/07/2021 23:06

A friend of mine's dh inherited the bulk of his mum's estate, gave half to his sister and she still never spoke to him again

Now that’s a kick in the nuts.

theleafandnotthetree · 01/07/2021 23:06

@AnotherDayAnotherCake

This will happen in our family, I guess the difference is our surviving parent has told everyone and their reasons. 3/4 to one child 1/4 to the other. Sucks when you are the one getting less. More so when you don’t agree with the logic (because the other DC is a single parent). But there you go. It’s taken a while for us to accept it/ make peace with it but somehow we have.
I'm the single parent with far less resources than my sister and I think what is proposed in your family is unfair and wrong headed, you are a bigger person than most to make your peace with it. Your sister should correct this herself when the time comes.
Goldensyrupissticky · 01/07/2021 23:07

My sibling has been given a substantial gift deposit which is a real kick in the teeth. Not a first time buyer, not low paid just clearly the favoured child of the moment. It is a ridiculous amount and I assume they are now mortgage free. I guess I can just console myself with the satisfaction of paying my own way. Not about the money, it is the fact I have not been supported in a similar way, just left to own devices (solvent and own house outright). I hate how petty it makes me sound.

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