Do you worry about what your DP/DH does when you’re not together?

[WildflowerWildfire]

I don’t mean cheating, I mean more like watching porn etc. I don’t know whether I’m just incredibly insecure but I can’t stand the thought of him doing this when he’s home alone or I’m at work etc. Am I crazy/controlling?

Nope. Not something I worry about. It's not my job to control what he does on his own anymore than it is his to control what I do on my own.

Do you have any evidence that he's sat at home watching porn while you are at work? It wouldn't cross my mind that this might be what my partner was up to tbh.

I feel like this OP, it's something they don't really have to worry about in their lives isn't it

No, it's never crossed my mind what he's doing, why would it?

It would literally never occur to me to worry about that. DP spends most of his time at work, with his friends or at home watching football if I’m out.

I’m sure he does find time for the occasional wank and I honestly couldn’t care less.

Nope

Nope never crossed my mind.

I’m glad I’m not completely alone. I know it’s not a normal way to think and I really wish I could snap out of it. I questioned him about porn and he said he had used it previously when we had a long spell without having sex. But I’m thinking that it’s more frequent than that and he’s just trying to save my feelings. I find myself getting annoyed with him when he’s lounging around at home after work and I’m not home (he works nights). How do I stop this?

We’ve been married for 30+ years and no i have never been worried or even given any thought to whether he gets up to anything while we are not together . Those kinds of thoughts are not normal and do not make for a healthy relationship .

The biggest worry i have about leaving DH alone is how many more Star wars figures will be ordered online....

I asked DM if she worried about leaving DF alone. In her case she worried he will electrocute himself (he likes to take things apart whilst they are plugged in), chop a finger off (he likes to handle sharp objects in a very casual manner) or answer the phone to "HMRC" and give all their bank details for the "tax refund" they are apparently due.

@WildflowerWildfire have you had previous bad relationships?
I think my worries stem from an abusive relationship. You wouldn't be unreasonable to be upset if he WAS watching porn but worrying about it based on nothing isn't ok.
Talking to my partner about it has helped a lot but I'm having counselling and CBT for my other issues around men

@ProfPickles What do you mean?

@Nicknacky about what sorry?

@ProfPickles

I feel like this OP, it's something they don't really have to worry about in their lives isn't it

Why do assume some men don't worry about this as well?

Me personally, I don't give it much thought. If you have no way of knowing what he's doing when you're out, whatever you are imagining is probably much worse than what he's really doing and all you're really doing is making yourself miserable with no grounds.

When you say you can't stand the thought of him doing this while you're out, do you honestly think it's unusual for people to masturbate without their partner?

@ProfPickles You say men don’t need to worry about this, what do you mean?

What do you mean you get annoyed if he’s lounging at home? That sounds very controlling

Personally I couldn’t give a shit what my husband does or what he wanks off to, and I’d dump him faster than he could ask the question if he tried to control me that way.

I wouldn’t stay with someone who was that controlling, but maybe I’m in the minority?

@Nicknacky I feel like growing up I was constantly hearing about men watching porn and even now in the gym I overhear grown men talking about only fans and paying to see women naked online.
I simply meant there isn't the same porn culture amongst women, I've never heard a woman talking about looking at naked men online personally

What exactly would you like him to be doing when you're not at home?

@HUCKMUCK no I don’t think it’s unusual. I suppose it’s the porn thing for me, I basically see it as him preferring the women on screen to me and it makes me really jealous and uncomfortable. I’ve been like it in every single relationship but my ex boyfriend who I caught wanking to porn literally the day after my mum died made my fears much worse.

I've never worried about this.
I find it really interesting that anyone even thinks about it. My husband is off work today and I've not once wondered what he's doing.
I don't think it's any of my business what he does when I'm not there really.

Never think about it, don't care.

Why can't he lounge around at home? Is he bothered if you do it?

I can't be arsed wondering if my bloke is at home having a wank. It's none of my business. Or yours OP. Obviously porn is separate and you don't seem to have any evidence of that.

That’s an extreme jealousy issue op, have you sought help?

I think you sound very controlling.

I do a lot more lounging around after work since wfh has cut out my commute. DP wouldn’t dream of questioning what I was doing with my time (despite working much harder and longer hours than I do) and if he did, he would no longer be DP