Do you worry about what your DP/DH does when you’re not together?

[WildflowerWildfire]

I don’t mean cheating, I mean more like watching porn etc. I don’t know whether I’m just incredibly insecure but I can’t stand the thought of him doing this when he’s home alone or I’m at work etc. Am I crazy/controlling?

@DinosApple I think a lot of women think that but in reality no one knows what their partners or husbands get up to in their own time

@WildflowerWildfire I can honestly say I couldn’t care less if my DH was lounging at home watching porn while I was at work 🤷🏻‍♀️ Crack on mate 🤣
The only time it would ever bother me is if he was sitting doing that all day and hadn’t bothered with washing/dishes/chores etc that needed done 🤷🏻‍♀️ (Not something DH would do but I have friends who have “PlayStation/Xbox husbands” and they frequently complain about this 🙈)

DH isn't computer literate, so for me I am certain.

@WildflowerWildfire he says he doesn't use it and I mostly believe him, he's a good man and extremely trustworthy in other respects so I try to keep that in mind

[quote WildflowerWildfire]@DinosApple I think a lot of women think that but in reality no one knows what their partners or husbands get up to in their own time[/quote]
@WildflowerWildfire The same could be said the other way round though OP! My DH certainly doesn’t know what I get upto every minute of the day! Nor would he care 🤷🏻‍♀️

You should speak to your Dr OP and get on the waiting list for an NHS counsellor. My OH did and it only took 2 weeks. However when we lived elsewhere the wait was a couple of months. If it's something you really want to do then there is a free option, you just need to take the first step.

[quote WildflowerWildfire]@Nicknacky I meant that I find myself getting annoyed because I assume his lounging around will lead to him having a wank due to boredom or whatever[/quote]
Gosh - this doesn't really seem normal to me! I've honestly never found myself getting annoyed for this reason, I'm more likely to be narked that he's ignored the dishes in the sink!!! I think you need a bit help with your anxiety

Am I the only one here that completely baffled by how offensive people find their partner watching porn? 🙈😅 (prepared to be slated here!) Is it really that big a deal if he’s watching some porn? 🤷🏻‍♀️ Would he be bothered if you watched porn? I just don’t see it as an issue at all provided its “appropriate” and there’s nothing dodgy being watched! 😬

This is how I feel. If I have an early morning appt, he’s taking a while in the bathroom, etc, it’s niggling in the back of my head. But in my defence, he’s sat downstairs until 3 am for years, and didn’t ever initiate any intimacy, so I have good reason to be deeply paranoid and hurt. If he’s giving you no reason to feel this way, then you’re ruining your own life and should seek help or find a way to manage your anxiety. Or perhaps look in to his behaviours and his actions could be the reason you’re gut feeling is he’s a porn addict.

@ProfPickles Deluded about what exactly? That men discuss porn use and sex?

Of course they do. So do women.

my DP has a track record for forgetting to turn off the gas when cooking. ON several occasions have come home from work to find the gas on and a frying pan on the hob. So yeah I worry about what he's doing when I'm not there

@WildflowerWildfire I asked earlier, I might have missed your reply. Are you worried about your partner masturbating?

@DPotter

my DP has a track record for forgetting to turn off the gas when cooking. ON several occasions have come home from work to find the gas on and a frying pan on the hob. So yeah I worry about what he's doing when I'm not there

@DPotter I’d worry about that one too 🙈🤣 mine would be banned from using the hob!

Those who think it’s only men who masturbate/talk about women they fancy would be shocked at some of mine and my friends conversations after a few drinks or a long boozy brunch 😂

Waitingforwinter

after the last incident last week he is banned. Frying pan had been on low gas for over 4 hours and the place stank of off oil.

And before anyone asks - he's not dementing - he's always done it. And don't even ask about lost keys / wallet etc

No, I trust my DP and he’s probably watching random videos about ants or something anyway

[quote WildflowerWildfire]@Nicknacky I meant that I find myself getting annoyed because I assume his lounging around will lead to him having a wank due to boredom or whatever[/quote]
Wow. Im not even sure what to say to that. It’s the most unhealthiest thing. You really need to get some help op,

Nope, never feel like this. Sounds a bit out of control… I’d maybe try to talk to somebody?

And what’s wrong with him having a wank?

You're not controlling for worrying. I think the worry about porn is because it involves him feeling sexual towards other women and there's the aspect of exploitation.

I don't worry about DP and porn. He has strong views about it. His interests lie more in his X box rather than doing dishes etc and it will all be left to me when I get in. It isn't something I worry about but I have got annoyed about it.

It doesn’t bother me what he does so I don’t worry about it!

The only thing I think when the other half is home alone is
Has he put the washing out?
Has he brought the washing in?
Has he emptied the dishwasher?

If he’s done all that and fancies a quick hand shandy then that’s his perogative.
You sound very controlling OP

[quote WildflowerWildfire]@Nicknacky I meant that I find myself getting annoyed because I assume his lounging around will lead to him having a wank due to boredom or whatever[/quote]
Is the concern the porn or the wank? Because he could do it thinking about you/not using porn. Is that still an issue?

DH has some unusual hobbies involving medieval weaponry and a forge so my concerns revolve more around him being intact when I get home

Eh? Nope. Why would you?