DS (17) has been unloading the dishwasher for nearly an hour

[reallyneedmoresleep]

...and I think I'm about to explode. He was supposed to do it yesterday, but didn't. The rest of the family is playing hardball and we've let all the dirty dishes build up rather than do his chore (singular!!!) for him. After being asked about four times this morning, he's finally getting on with it.

He's doing it whilst watching youtube videos on his phone. He's had a break to go to the loo. He's had a break to have a drink. He's had a break to find some hayfever tablets. The top layer is now empty, but the bottom layer still needs emptying and the dishwasher reloading.

He's just left the kitchen for five minutes because he needs to wipe his nose.

Please tell me I'm teaching him life skills and being a better mother than one who's just do it myself?

I'm trying to sit at the kitchen table and do some work but I can feel my temper rising, which, I know, will help nothing.

That sounds painful.

Stay strong! It's his own time he's wasting, as teachers used to say..

That’s funny , not for you though!

Stay strong!!

Why is my son emptying your dishwasher?

Nothing to add, just have a very similar-sounding 17 year old DS...

Ha I think you should exit though as it will drive you nuts

This would drive me nuts. I don’t know what sanctions you can impose on a lazy 17 year old other than turn off the WiFi.

I wouldn't be able to be in the same room as anyone unloading a dishwasher top shelf first!

That sounds like my son now 22 when he mows the lawn he stops for phone breaks every 5 minutes. He’s a tortoise. Drives me mad when he empties the dishwasher. I usually just do chores myself to get things done quickly which is too soft I know.

Why wouldn’t you unload the top layer first? I always do.

Let him get on with it however this clearly isn't hitting him where it hurts. He is using this tactic so you won't ask him again (where and how do men learn this?).

Anyway next time he wants/needs something mirror his actions, do it really really slowly. So say he doesn't drive and needs you to take him somewhere, spend ages finding your keys, have a drink, go to the loo etc all at a snails pace. Only when they experience the consequences do they get it in my experience.

Are you in my kitchen?? Oh it's so painful.

If I leave the room, I think it won't get done at all.

Top layer first, bottom layer first - honestly, I'm starting to feel like any layer is a bonus. Worried if I offer "constructive criticism" it may soiund like more nagging.

He's stopped again. The dishwasher is empty but he can't reload it because there are scraps of food on some of the plates and the food waste bin is empty but needs a new bag. The bags are on the kitchen island next to him.

MN support much appreciated!

Bon courage! Just keep thinking - there’s every chance that one day he will be the father of a 17 year old and you will laugh and laugh and laugh

Have a look in YouTube for Kevin the teenager washing the car - so funny!

I feel your pain. Two very similar older teens in this house.

Channelling the “it’s your time you’re wasting” is important. Deep breaths and keep at it. Think of it like training a small animal or toddler.

My 14 yo DD unloads the dishwasher in the same way. It takes every ounce of strength not to do it for her.

It reminds me of that Kevin and Perry sketch, where Kevin’s parents ask him to wash the car. 😂

My DS16 change his bed linen on Friday (without prompting), I was gobsmacked. He has had a cold recently and I can only assume his sense of smell has returned, after a whole week lying in his bed watching Netflix and gaming I suspect the smell was overwhelming.
He has trained the dog to collect his socks but she is no good with the collection of crockery that has accumulated during his “bed in”.

@JustKeep

Why wouldn’t you unload the top layer first? I always do.

Because any water that has inadvertently collected in the items you remove from the top layer will drop onto the previously dry items on the bottom layer, which will then need to be dried manually.

It had never occurred to me that I might be in any way neurodiverse until I discovered Mumsnet ...

Haha this is brilliant.

It took my 18 Yr old DS 45 minutes to put the shopping away yesterday - he is exactly the same.

I've taken to removing his phone before he wakes up and he can only have it back when he had finished the chores (he has several).

I think your DS needs MORE chores so he can practice.

For the benefit of your son and any future partners he might live with, please stand firm on this one. I would just grit my teeth at the lazy pace (as PPs have said its his own time he is wasting!) but would absolutely insist on the job getting finished properly.

I would turn the WiFi off and tell him to get the fuck on with it but then I'm a hard ass and my kids at 5 and 8 help to clean up everyday. 5 year old tidied this morning whilst their sibling hoovered and I washed up. You need to start them early people to create ingrained habits!

Stay strong! Do NOT do it for him whatever you do.

@JustKeep

Why wouldn’t you unload the top layer first? I always do.

Our top layer is cutlery tray and I always leave that for my 5 year old. It’s her chore.

Nancylovesthecock

Your time will come.