DS (17) has been unloading the dishwasher for nearly an hour

[reallyneedmoresleep]

...and I think I'm about to explode. He was supposed to do it yesterday, but didn't. The rest of the family is playing hardball and we've let all the dirty dishes build up rather than do his chore (singular!!!) for him. After being asked about four times this morning, he's finally getting on with it.

He's doing it whilst watching youtube videos on his phone. He's had a break to go to the loo. He's had a break to have a drink. He's had a break to find some hayfever tablets. The top layer is now empty, but the bottom layer still needs emptying and the dishwasher reloading.

He's just left the kitchen for five minutes because he needs to wipe his nose.

Please tell me I'm teaching him life skills and being a better mother than one who's just do it myself?

I'm trying to sit at the kitchen table and do some work but I can feel my temper rising, which, I know, will help nothing.

@thanksforallthewhales

I feel your pain, last week it took dd1(19) and dd2(15) over 1+1/2 hours to put 2 loads of washing on the line. i I just plonked myself in front of the telly and ignored all the huffing and puffing

Ha! I watched DS15 take the washing off the line the other day. Now I know what happens to all my pegs. I sent him back out to pick them all up and put them back on the line.

Finally. At least revision is now being done!
My Ds1 is revising too. Apparently....

My 13year old brought the washing in. Of her own volition. The still damp clothes were left in an IKEA bag on the floor. I came home to find all the pegs arranged on the line in rainbow coloured order. Aesthetics init?

@Nancylovesthecock To counteract those laughing at your high hopes, like you I started mine young, with very basic chores and built then up. Now they are 17, 15 and 11 (bbg) and we have no problems with chores around the house. There isn't a single domestic job they can't do. They don't do everything of course, they take their share alongside DH and I though.

Just remember you need to play the long game!

DS17 has almost realised I always win these games. Just slowed up because DH can't hack it and tries to swoop in and either rescue him or shout at him. Not helpful 🙄

It takes my 11 year old 3.5 minutes to unstack the dishwasher competently, because he is not allowed to start his morning screen-time before it is empty. I get that you can't easily restrict the screen time of a 17yo in the same way, but I wonder if ridicule and derision for being quite so incapable that he is 20 times slower than an 11yo might be helpful.

You are being an excellent mother by sticking to your guns and making him do it, no matter how long it takes. It is important that he doesn't get into the "deliberate incompetence leads to less work" rut. Indeed, ideally an incompetently or slowly-done task should lead to being given more practice to improve his skills - can you send him around to a grandma's house to get extra practice unstacking her dishwasher too? (realise that a convenient grandma with a dishwasher might not be available)

@Nancylovesthecock

I would turn the WiFi off and tell him to get the fuck on with it but then I'm a hard ass and my kids at 5 and 8 help to clean up everyday. 5 year old tidied this morning whilst their sibling hoovered and I washed up. You need to start them early people to create ingrained habits!

Oh please. We all start them early. We all thought that we had instilled good habits in them. Seriously, teens are a breed apart.

Mine all did chores happily and regularly when they were younger.

They don't now. It's a struggle every day as op describes.

Nancy it's easy to get primary school kids to work as a team. My house was so much tidier in those days. Teens simply won't budge, even with wi-fi off in my experience.

@Three0fivepointfour

My 13year old brought the washing in. Of her own volition. The still damp clothes were left in an IKEA bag on the floor. I came home to find all the pegs arranged on the line in rainbow coloured order. Aesthetics init?

😂😂😂

DS is different in that it is a pain to get him to do it but when he does anything he does it super fast, it is just getting it started off that is the issue. He is vacuuming the whole house today, he is not even awake yet.

Turning the wifi off until the dishwasher is empty might help!

@Angrymum22

My DS16 change his bed linen on Friday (without prompting), I was gobsmacked. He has had a cold recently and I can only assume his sense of smell has returned, after a whole week lying in his bed watching Netflix and gaming I suspect the smell was overwhelming. He has trained the dog to collect his socks but she is no good with the collection of crockery that has accumulated during his “bed in”.

When teenagers change their own bedclothes, you can be assured that something has happened that you never, ever want to know about. Do not ask questions. Just supply the Persil and encourage a hot wash.

@MrsBongiovi

It reminds me of that Kevin and Perry sketch, where Kevin’s parents ask him to wash the car. 😂

I was just thinking this !!

Mum of 2 grown up boys. Will read thread when i actually sit down and calm down.

I’m not a violent person, I abhor violence and believe it is wrong on every conceivable level. However, this one needs a kick up the hole.

It was only when ds2 left in Sept to go to Uni and had to do everything for himself that he realized how much time and effort goes into doing the basics ie washing clothes, doing the shopping etc.

Previous to this he’d been responsible for keeping his room clean and tidy (hahaha) etc and washing up after the evening meal.

I also asked him to do things on an ad how basis - hanging the washing out to dry etc. He was exactly the same - snails pace, though I believe he now works at a ‘normal’ speed as he has other priorities!

@MrsBongiovi

It reminds me of that Kevin and Perry sketch, where Kevin’s parents ask him to wash the car. 😂

I was thinking exactly the same! 😂

I disagree that this is inevitable. Ours put their phones in a basket at night and they don't come back out until all chores are done. But we did start this from the moment they had phones and I mirror it myself so it feels fair.

I suppose it’s slightly comfortable to know that your teen is normal. Would be a bit disconcerting if they did chores perfectly and efficiently without being asked 😂

I stopped having Ds unload the dishwasher as a teen it was so slow and painful and always about to do it in a minute. I could feel my anxiety rising.
He could do it if I wasn't home. I'd leave a list, things like vacuum the living room, empty the dishwasher, etc and I'd give them a lift to the pool when I got home in exchange.
I would whizz though the kitchen, unload reload and do all the surfaces and sweep the floor in next to no time.
He did still grow up and keeps a clean house now in his mid 20's

*comforting

Mine gag dramatically and pull t-shirts over their mouths if they are asked to scrape plates and put them in the dishwasher .... sigh 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’ve just watched that Kevin car wash clip

@MrsBongiovi

Nancylovesthecock

Your time will come.

I thought this too!

We were all smug once.....

@NaToth - but you pull the top layer out, so it’s above the door not above the bottom layer? Any water that does drip down will go on the door, not the dry things on the bottom layer.

Doing bottom layer first feels unbalanced to me, as though the dishwasher would be top heavy and fall over, which I appreciate is ridiculous but there you go.

Came here to mention the Kevin washes the car video, but see someone beat me to it! 😂😂