DS (17) has been unloading the dishwasher for nearly an hour

[reallyneedmoresleep]

...and I think I'm about to explode. He was supposed to do it yesterday, but didn't. The rest of the family is playing hardball and we've let all the dirty dishes build up rather than do his chore (singular!!!) for him. After being asked about four times this morning, he's finally getting on with it.

He's doing it whilst watching youtube videos on his phone. He's had a break to go to the loo. He's had a break to have a drink. He's had a break to find some hayfever tablets. The top layer is now empty, but the bottom layer still needs emptying and the dishwasher reloading.

He's just left the kitchen for five minutes because he needs to wipe his nose.

Please tell me I'm teaching him life skills and being a better mother than one who's just do it myself?

I'm trying to sit at the kitchen table and do some work but I can feel my temper rising, which, I know, will help nothing.

I'd be tempted to film him and put it on YouTube asking for people to give him tips.

@Pyewackect

Sorry, couldn't be arsed with playing games. If it needed unloading I'd just get on and do it. It takes just over a minute. Not worth the headspace. I mean, what other "life lessons" are you going to insist he does; pay the mortgage and make a will ?.

🙄

I have 20 & 17 DC. DC1 at uni. Neither had chores apart from cleaning up after themselves and their own rooms. DD1 was(is) v untidy and there was lots of friction and I bitterly regretted not making chores part of their life earlier on. I didn’t because I was part time and thought it was my job I guess. Now she is looking after herself at uni well and has surprised me. DD2 is tidy and mucks in without being asked. She cooks often and empties dw , walks dog etc but I’ll still find the odd banana skin in a random place.

@Whenwillitmakesense

I feel your pain. The amount of arguments & time wasted to do something that takes 5 minutes is amazing.

Also their perception of how is unfair that they have to do anything yet expect everyone to do things for them

I am sure it’s natures way of making us glad they leave home

You'll be glad when your kids leave home ??????????.

Jeeze, you sound just like my mother. Personally, I'll be devisated.

You have my deepest sympathy 💐 but don’t give up, it’s the male trick of doing a job so badly that you end up doing it yourself. He’ll grow up realising the housework fairy doesn’t exist.

Let him get on with it however this clearly isn't hitting him where it hurts. He is using this tactic so you won't ask him again (where and how do men learn this?).

FFS it's not 'men' it's teenagers. Why have you made it 'men'??

My eldest are 23 and 21 - the 23 year old has his own flat now and they’ve both been through university in shared flats. They soon learn that there’s no-one to tidy up after them and they actually turn out to be quite nice adults

Every single one of my female friends struggle with husbands who don't pull their weight at home. We have to stop letting this shit go. It's just getting passed on to the next generation of women to deal with. Don't launch arseholes into the world. Fight the fight!

Deviated when you’re kids leave home? Really? Surely you want them to live fulfilled independent lives? It’s emotional obviously but a new life stage for parents to enjoy too.

Your

@Nancylovesthecock

I would turn the WiFi off and tell him to get the fuck on with it but then I'm a hard ass and my kids at 5 and 8 help to clean up everyday. 5 year old tidied this morning whilst their sibling hoovered and I washed up. You need to start them early people to create ingrained habits!

You need to realise they change.

Young kids want to help, they want to do adult things, they want the praise. Teenagers are a whole different ball game. I hope you keep your post fir future years 🤣🤣🤣

Umm I have the same issue but with my 7 year old. However, he doesn't have his phone and doesn't have hayfever.

Very 7 year old style but we have two timers -one he starts when he starts the job and one that records the time he is actually unloading. His first score -was 50 minutes for unloading -actually 25 of actually unloading. He is now down to 30 minutes and 20 minutes of unloading -personally if this is the chore for my 7 year old. Perhaps 10 years on -he actually needs a whole day of them -eg wash the car etc -for 17 to have just that as a job is pathetic.

Doh! Devastated not deviated

@sashh

I'd be tempted to film him and put it on YouTube asking for people to give him tips.

I love this idea- that might get him moving!

Sounds like he needs to do this every single day. He’s clearly trying to wind you up so you do it for him.

OP although this sounds so frustrating it did give me a chuckle as it reminded me of Harry Enfield's Kevin 'cleaning' his dad's car:

We call the teens’ bedrooms ‘Ikea’. That’s where you go when you need new glasses and crockery.

@Pyewackect

Sorry, couldn't be arsed with playing games. If it needed unloading I'd just get on and do it. It takes just over a minute. Not worth the headspace. I mean, what other "life lessons" are you going to insist he does; pay the mortgage and make a will ?.

Now we see why so many men end up expecting the woman to do all the household chores 😞

Mine moan about having to take a tea towel to dry some of the items even though the D/W cycle has run completely.

I point out that
a) if you load it with more thought to start with, the chance of this is reduced, and
b) if you empty the bottom layer first, any water retained in stuff in the middle layer won't have a chance to tip itself over the bottom layer.

Falls on deaf ears though..

@cauliflowersqueeze

Outline the time frame in advance. “Dishwasher please - it takes me 5 minutes so I’m giving you 10 and after that the wifi goes off - ready, set, go”. Then walk out and leave him to it.

This is genius!

I'm taking this one on board.

However I think I may need to change it to "WiFi goes off in 5 minutes. This should take you 20 minutes to do well so WiFi not back on for 30".

My ds (16) is more of a do a rush job to get back to you tube type chore completer and I need to find a way to get the job done - and well

Have you kidnapped my son?

All the lolz at the start em young comments. Mine have had chores since they were old enough to chuck blocks in the toy box. Still takes an hour to put half a dozen pairs of socks away.

Turning the WiFi off usually sees a bit of action, mostly because this is the first stage of MUM IS ANNOYED and nobody wants a repeat of the week of no phones.

Solidarity mum of teens.

@Benjispruce3

Deviated when you’re kids leave home? Really? Surely you want them to live fulfilled independent lives? It’s emotional obviously but a new life stage for parents to enjoy too.

They'll learn the true nature of how the world works soon enough. Jeeze, there's enough of it on this site. So no, I won't "enjoy" it too.

I fear for the future we are leaving our kids.

I would have called out, 'Before next Thursday, please!' by now. Or stuck a 15 minute timer on and said: 'You can do it in this time if you focus and then you are free.'

I would have called out, 'Before next Thursday, please!' by now.

Me too! Trying to inject a bit of humour may work if they are in the right mood.

I wouldn't however recommend calling out as my mother used to;
"And do it with grace"

Haha this brought back memories of homeschooling during lockdown. DS7 sitting for an hour+ at the kitchen table, he just had to copy a word three times, instead he daydreamed/complained/cried/picked his nose/ate his pen/slouched on his chair. Just do it, 3 minutes top and you can go play!!!
Repeat daily while trying to work next to him.