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Original poster

DS (17) has been unloading the dishwasher for nearly an hour

294 replies

reallyneedmoresleep · 06/06/2021 09:52

...and I think I'm about to explode. He was supposed to do it yesterday, but didn't. The rest of the family is playing hardball and we've let all the dirty dishes build up rather than do his chore (singular!!!) for him. After being asked about four times this morning, he's finally getting on with it.

He's doing it whilst watching youtube videos on his phone. He's had a break to go to the loo. He's had a break to have a drink. He's had a break to find some hayfever tablets. The top layer is now empty, but the bottom layer still needs emptying and the dishwasher reloading.

He's just left the kitchen for five minutes because he needs to wipe his nose.

Please tell me I'm teaching him life skills and being a better mother than one who's just do it myself?

I'm trying to sit at the kitchen table and do some work but I can feel my temper rising, which, I know, will help nothing.

OP posts:
Redcrayons · 06/06/2021 11:54

[quote bringincrazyback]OP although this sounds so frustrating it did give me a chuckle as it reminded me of Harry Enfield's Kevin 'cleaning' his dad's car: Grin

[/quote] Grin
Pewpew · 06/06/2021 11:55

My 16 year old just made me a cup of tea, took her an hour.Grin

WeAllHaveWings · 06/06/2021 11:56

I honestly wouldn't (couldn't) put up with that. He would be told he has 10 mins to complete it willingly or I would do it myself and he would take the consequences of not contributing to the household.

That could mean no lifts, making his own meals, doing his own laundry instead of going in a family load, WiFi being turned off when we aren't using it, not buying treats for him in the grocery shop, or whatever else you do for him.

I would also up the number of chores he is doing, dishwasher only at 17 is ridiculous.

SeaToSki · 06/06/2021 11:56

@wilsonmilson

Suggestion for the sparkling water loving teen. Have you come across a soda stream? We have one and only 3 bottles, so if the teens abandon the bottles in random places, they have to retrieve them if they want to fizz more water. Its a lot more cost effective

SunshineCake · 06/06/2021 11:57

@JustKeep

Why wouldn’t you unload the top layer first? I always do.
Because if anything has water inside it it drops to the clean stuff below..
JustNippingToWaitrose · 06/06/2021 11:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Pyewackect · 06/06/2021 11:58

Now we see why so many men end up expecting the woman to do all the household chores

FFS, it's just a dishwasher !. And anyway, I don't do my household chores either, I employ a cleaner as I spend most of my time trying to keep people alive or should I be more like my mother and start screaming in my kids faces or taking their bedroom doors off their hinges.

TillyTopper · 06/06/2021 11:59

I honestly don't understand! Perhaps I am a horrible mum but if my 2 late teen DS did that I'd ask them if they were genuinely ill or what the fuck they were up to?! We all need to complete jobs to keep the home nice for all of us, and if they didn't do it with good grace I'd be annoyed and they'd know it.

DrSeuss · 06/06/2021 12:00

m.youtube.com/watch?v=-qUP3yHEpRw

eattolive · 06/06/2021 12:00

@KittyFilter

Stand firm. He's trying it on in the hope you'll get riled, shoo him out and never ask him again.

Seen plenty of women on here complain about their husbands/boyfriends who they think deliberately do things badly around the house to try and get out if it in the future.

My younger teen does it in 5 minutes. Don't let him get away with it!

This summed my dh to a tee. When we got our first house he was painting our bedroom, while I was at work. He couldn’t open the window so he painted it shut! I wasn’t happy and managed to eventually open it myself, taking shards of paint off as it opened. He turned on me and said if I’m not happy he wouldn’t bother “helping” again! Unfortunately (for me), his help turned into making it a much harder job as it had to be properly rubbed down and repainted, taking me 3 times longer than if I had just done it myself in the first place. I should probably mention that he did have some help with the painting.......his (just as useless) father!!

I did ask for help to paint a ceiling (darker to lighter colour) a few years later as I had a problem with my neck. When I saw the finished item, the darker colour was still very much evident, so I said he would need to put on a second coat. He told me in an exasperated tone that he had given it 2 coats. When I looked at the paint tin it was still well over half full (should have been empty after 2 coats). He had painted with an almost dry roller. Again I had to do the job myself.

Yes, he got what he wanted, I never asked again!

Zzelda · 06/06/2021 12:00

Because if anything has water inside it it drops to the clean stuff below.

Not if you pull the top tray out, which is more or less essential our dishwasher anyway.

ineedaholidaynow · 06/06/2021 12:00

@Pyewackect you do realise they have to leave home sometime. How old are your DC?

ssd · 06/06/2021 12:03

They all learn when they leave home. Sometimes a bit of spoiling does them no harm. And we are all experts when we've no experience...

ineedaholidaynow · 06/06/2021 12:06

Not all do though @ssd. How many people on here complain about their DH’s who have never loaded/unloaded dishwasher or washing machine. They are too used to someone else doing it

Reallybadidea · 06/06/2021 12:08

DS 15yo is a pita most of the time about doing his chores, he procrastinates, needs 20 reminders to bring down his crockery collection etc. And then last night we had friends round for dinner, I went into the kitchen at midnight knowing that it was a complete state - and he'd sorted it! Loaded the dishwasher, put leftovers in the fridge and was standing at the sink washing up.

I'm torn between utter delight/amazement and dread at why he did it Confused

OurChristmasMiracle · 06/06/2021 12:09

If it’s going to take soooo long to unload and reload the dishwasher surely it would be quicker for DS to do it by hand? I mean obviously you don’t want to take up too much of his revision time right? Wink

AmayaGirl · 06/06/2021 12:11

@Nancylovesthecock You are not naive or misguided at all. My son is now mid 20s and does more than half of the housework without being asked. Keep at it with your children!

Timeforabiscuit · 06/06/2021 12:12

I am currently immobilised with a bad back and on many, many painkillers.

This has been the best thing that has happened to the family. As previous soft DH has ruled with an iron fist, culminating in the tuna pasta bake standoff with the eldest.

She managed to spin out a 20 in cooking time, to an hour and a half, clearly she now needs additional practice, so she is sous chef for the week.

I am looking forward to questions including, but not limited to, "But what kind of carrot"?, what is a baking tray? And how do you cook pasta?

I'm beginning to think that live streaming the event might buck her ideas up a bit!

Pyewackect · 06/06/2021 12:15

[quote ineedaholidaynow]@Pyewackect you do realise they have to leave home sometime. How old are your DC?[/quote]
19,16 and 14. They are intelligent and confident young people and fully aware of the necessity and routine of domestic cleaning. But at the end of the day if the dishwasher needs emptying I'm not going to start bullying my son over it. I'll just get on and do it and I don't have a problem with that.

Brefugee · 06/06/2021 12:15

FFS, it's just a dishwasher !. And anyway, I don't do my household chores either, I employ a cleaner as I spend most of my time trying to keep people alive or should I be more like my mother and start screaming in my kids faces or taking their bedroom doors off their hinges.

It's a spectrum with no chores (or being a part of #TeamFamily) on one side and your mum on the other - it's not one or the other.

And there is no problem earning the money to pay for your own cleaner (or as pp mentioned delegating it to au pairs) - that isn't being hoist by your own petard, that is making adult decisions about your time/money.

Every family has their own dynamic - but i don't think it's too much to ask someone to load/unload the dishwasher etc. As for the disappearing crockery/glasses? It happened to us Once. I got out the camping gear then the paper plates then i just ordered take out for me and DH. And then i unplugged the dishwasher Grin

Timeforabiscuit · 06/06/2021 12:18

For those with 5-8 year old, honestly mine were utterly fantastic, dab hands with hoovering and dusting - willing and eager to please.

It was like the Waltons, until the the hormones came.....

CandyLeBonBon · 06/06/2021 12:20

@Pyewackect

Now we see why so many men end up expecting the woman to do all the household chores

FFS, it's just a dishwasher !. And anyway, I don't do my household chores either, I employ a cleaner as I spend most of my time trying to keep people alive or should I be more like my mother and start screaming in my kids faces or taking their bedroom doors off their hinges.

It doesn't have to be quite that dramatic though, does it? And asking your kids to help around the house us not bullying, in spite of what your mother did.
Greenmarmalade · 06/06/2021 12:20

It was like the Waltons, until the the hormones came.....

😆

PreservativeFree · 06/06/2021 12:21

Well I've learned how to do it properly. It is annoying when the water from the top drops on to the bottom, but it had never occurred to me to do the bottom first Grin

Chipsahoy · 06/06/2021 12:23

17? My 10 year old has to empty dishwasher in the morning and 13 yr old in the afternoon. The 10 year old complains and moans and takes forever the same as the 13 yr old did when he was 10.
13 yr old does it in minutes with no moaning.