DS (17) has been unloading the dishwasher for nearly an hour

[reallyneedmoresleep]

...and I think I'm about to explode. He was supposed to do it yesterday, but didn't. The rest of the family is playing hardball and we've let all the dirty dishes build up rather than do his chore (singular!!!) for him. After being asked about four times this morning, he's finally getting on with it.

He's doing it whilst watching youtube videos on his phone. He's had a break to go to the loo. He's had a break to have a drink. He's had a break to find some hayfever tablets. The top layer is now empty, but the bottom layer still needs emptying and the dishwasher reloading.

He's just left the kitchen for five minutes because he needs to wipe his nose.

Please tell me I'm teaching him life skills and being a better mother than one who's just do it myself?

I'm trying to sit at the kitchen table and do some work but I can feel my temper rising, which, I know, will help nothing.

Take all day then it takes all day but he’d have done it.

Oh well at 23 and 26 ours are fairly competent and DS in particular has become very tidy to the point of pernickety (his father's genes). If his father unloads the dishwasher, he takes twice as long as me because every glass is checked for smears and China and pots have to be arranged perfectly in the cupboard and drawers!

At the nag stage of probably 14-19 however the dc hoist me by my own petard by saying "well you can't expect either of us to be particularly domesticated when we've watched you subcontract it to au-pairs and cleaners all our lives."

To be entirely fair I was brought up in a spotless, ordered house where I did no chores. Because I was used to spotless and tidy I recreated spotless and tidy when I left home. They seem to be following the pattern.

I too open to go’s you didn’t turn it on for him? Id eat off paper plates or paper towels even before letting him get away with that ! There’d also be no cooking as I’m assuming most utensils are unwashed.
Support op.

‘Hope to god’ not ‘open to go’s’.

I have 3 kids - they all had jobs to do as young as toddlers - my friends used to laugh at the little boy who cleaned teh stairs in prefernence to playing with his train set.

But honestly, living with teens - it's like living with the Hulk. Removing the wifi or the devices (which I do occasionally) is like a massive violation of Basic Human Rights. Putting clothes in the washing machine? None Of My Friends Have To Do Any Of This!!! Cooking a meal? But I Did It Last Week!!!

I am weary.

With apologies to my sisters-in-mothering-teens; I switched it on. Choosing my battles and all that.

We're running out of plates and cups...they are in DDs room. They'll be brought down 'in a minute' apparently. For the last 4 days. She's 16.

We are banned from going into her room to collect them when she's out. It's going to happen when she's out today whether she likes it or not. Hazmat suits at the ready!

DS (12) wanted to earn extra pocket money. Got annoyed when I said he first needed to the chores that he was supposed to before taking on any more. We are at stalemate.

They were both helpful, clean, and tidy people until secondary school.

Ah op, this is so frustrating! The thing to focus on is that it's getting done, he's doing it.

OP - fully understood. Too easy to be armchair mn generals. You however are in the thick of it.

@reallyneedmoresleep

With apologies to my sisters-in-mothering-teens; I switched it on. Choosing my battles and all that.

Tell me you're going to make him unload it again when it finishes though...

Sorry, couldn't be arsed with playing games. If it needed unloading I'd just get on and do it. It takes just over a minute. Not worth the headspace. I mean, what other "life lessons" are you going to insist he does; pay the mortgage and make a will ?.

🙄

My dd only does something if she needs to do it. Eg if she is needing to be taken somewhere or something done for her and my bargaining chip is this job has to be done first... needless to say she doesn’t help out much. But thankfully is pretty tidy and puts her washed / ironed clothes away.

Ah bless. Does he give you that forlorn look that he hopes/thinks will make you so "Oh don't worry, I'll do it for you. You go off and enjoy yourself"

I used to watch my teenage son wash dishes holding the dishcloth by the tips of his fingers so he wouldnt get his hands wet. And take him hours.

Oh I feel your pain! My DS2 hit his terrible twos at 18 months and was a teenager at age 9. He is now 17 and is only just coming out of sullen teen mode. He even allowed me to buy him lunch out last week and talked to me (about football) for an hour!

He now lives with his dad in the week and has actually started noticing things like the bathroom being disgusting (my ex doesn't understand cleaning) and takes pride in making sure their kitchen is tidied when he's eaten. And he has become much more helpful in my house as a result. But we had about 3 years of dishwasher stand-offs when we were all in the same house. So stand firm and he WILL become a useful adult

I have a ds 15 not dissimilar, although I don’t even ask him to unload the dishwasher because I’d rather not suffer the pain.

In fact, he does precious little apart from make his bed. He just walks round the house with an iPad in hand and headphones in. Any task takes twice as long as it’s done whilst watching some shite on YouTube.
Any attempt at conversation is met with ‘eh’ or ‘what’ ....because he’s listening to something else constantly and apparently it’s a hassle to have to communicate with a real life person.

Sometimes I really do miss the good old days before internet and phones.

My pet peeve with ds at the moment is the amount of glasses of water he pours and then just leaves randomly around the house. He never uses the same glass twice. I’ve collected easily half a dozen before. And he never ever finishes a bottle of water (sparkling), always opens another when last is about 1/3 full. The bottled water I go through is ridiculous. I suppose though, that in the hierarchy of things to be annoyed with your kids about, water drinking is a lowly one.

We just take ours off the internet when they pull this shit; app on the phone does it.

I’ve been this 17 year old 😂😂 albeit female. He thinks he’s being clever . There’s a chance you may never ask again as he’s just so slow. I was never asked again!! I’m now 34 and still hate unloading the dishwasher so I say stick with it and let him crack on for hours 😂

I feel your pain. The amount of arguments & time wasted to do something that takes 5 minutes is amazing.

Also their perception of how is unfair that they have to do anything yet expect everyone to do things for them

I am sure it’s natures way of making us glad they leave home

WiFi off

[quote Cocopogo]@Nancylovesthecock oh that’s what I used to think. 8 and 5 oh the naivety [/quote]
Haha same! Mine are 19,16 and 12 and they seem to slow down with age!! 😂

Nope, I couldn't hold my tongue, but then I have no patience for dilly dallying.

Also wifi off ?!

Unlimited data packages seem to be the norm now. My teens have them so the only ones who get upset by no wifi are the little ones who are always ahead with chores.

yes got to agree, turn the wi fi off, im also a toughie i would say right for taking so long to do a simple job you can do x y and z as well i expect it done in how ever many minutes and i will check done properly before putting wi fi back on.