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Original poster

I knew my relationship was over when.........

866 replies

Itwasoverwhen · 22/05/2021 14:25

We went camping, there was a huge storm, he packed up his car and left me with 3 children, a huge tent to take down and everything still to pack in the lashing rain and wind because 'his stuff was packed'. I was still there an hour later and a man from a neighbouring tent couldn't even believe he had gone and just left me to struggle on my own.

Your turn...

OP posts:

Queenie6655 · 22/05/2021 19:52

Ah gosh
These send shivers down my spine

The day he tried to kill me and beat my young DD

Praying he is jailed in a few weeks

Love to all of you who have been through this madness xxxxx

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 22/05/2021 19:52

He threw a tantrum over me having a conversation with another man (a professional I was working with) and then had the nerve to tell me to calm down babe. BABE? BABE!!!

He was history.

Lotsoflaughs87 · 22/05/2021 19:58

We were living together at the time, I'd just got a loan to pay off his debts so less interest so we could live better.
The weekend after he went to a concert with friends, no text. Phone was off the whole night.
When he came back I asked to see any pictures or videos of the concert and he didn't ( he had been to concerts before and took no ends of videos)
I kicked him out changed the locks.
Learnt my lesson after I was left in debt for years after.

Chucklecheeks01 · 22/05/2021 20:02

When I asked where our laptop was and he admitted he'd lent it to a work collegeue - the other woman. I was hardly allowed to use it in case I broke it but he'd lent it to someone at work. When I questioned him his face said it all. Asked him to leave the next day.
Never did get the laptop back.

waitingforthenextseason · 22/05/2021 20:03

@Jalapinot

Had an argument in the car over something relatively minor (or so I thought). Was on the way home from visiting his family 300 miles away and it was about 9pm on a Sunday. Asked to stop at some services because I was desperate for the loo. He refused to stop at the first ones I asked at and eventually stopped at the second after I begged. I got out and he drove off and left me there with my handbag in his car.

That's shocking. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

Sagaris · 22/05/2021 20:05

He punched me in the head, I fell to the ground unconscious, in front of my 2 DC's. My crime was to take them out to a school event without his permission - he didn't want to go out after a day at work and I wasn't allowed out without him. I still went, and used the evening to start plotting my getaway. He was charming to everyone outside, but behind closed doors he used to beat me, belittle me constantly, and worse.
I got out, and haven't seen him in well over 20 years. I have also found a lovely husband!

thenewduchessofhastings · 22/05/2021 20:08

@BeyondMyWits

I take it that was the first time he'd ever changed the bedding and washed it voluntarily

spongedog · 22/05/2021 20:10

@BluefordPuppy

How many of you had children with these awful DHs? When you left did he pursue contact with them? What is he like with your children when he has them alone? I’m terrified of leaving my children with mine.

Mine took me to family court repeatedly over several years. He was given 50:50 shared contact. Our now teenager hates it. My ex is controlling with them and a total helicopter parent. Doesn't value DC friendships and activities. Apparently according to yet another legal team they are "tiring" and "age inappropriate". We were discussing attendance at scouts/explorer scouts so totally age-appropriate for a teenager.

Unfortunately family court is so far up its fucking arse they will accept this controlling behaviour as "parenting differences". I now mock this very openly.

Tara336 · 22/05/2021 20:13

When my beloved grandad was dying, I asked DH to be with me at the hospital as I couldn’t cope if I was there alone when he passed, DH refused because he doesn’t like hospitals. My whole view of him changed in that moment.

spongedog · 22/05/2021 20:21

@comfyslippets

When, during lockdown, I had to go to work and (for the one and only time during lockdown) I asked him to do homeschooling for our 10 yr old DD. It was world book day and every morning she zoomed her class and was so looking forward to showing them her outfit. It was a vampire and I had done her make up before I left for work. She was so very excited, but couldn't get zoom to work and I know he wouldn't have put himself out to help. Then to top it all he took a picture of her distressed, sad face and posted it on the family WhatsApp group finding it funny. Broke my heart. Knew he was a shit father anyway, but that did it for me. Still here atm, but am planning my get away.

I had similar a few years ago in real life. WBD at primary (Hated it - I am a stuffy professional it isnt my strength) - head was clearly fed up with disney princesses so insisted WBD costumes be from a short list of genre of books. I think fables but not fairy tales.

I did Cry the Wolf - bought 2 masks sheep and wolf, made cloak out of fabric, used a walking stick as the staff, and child could wear casual underneath. He was with my ex that morning. I didnt know my ex had arranged for his parents to take my DC into school. They couldnt sort the cloak, the 2 masks, and the stick. I know they criticised me incessantly about it, in front of my child. They never once asked why hadnt their son stepped up? He never did WBD. My DC even now remembers this many years later.

comfyslippets · 22/05/2021 20:26

@spongedog, it sounds like a small thing to finally think enough is enough over, but when you ask your DH to just do one bloody thing and they can't be bothered to do it right even though it's so important to your child. It's the straw that breaks the camels back. Like you, it's always me who sorts these things even though it's not my strong point either.

Justtobeclear · 22/05/2021 20:29

When I was 22 weeks pregnant high risk with twins.6 losses previously so knew I was constantly anxious. he went out with drinking. He text at 11pm to say he was coming home with half an hour. 3am still no sign, phone off no one replying. Finally rocks up stinking of booze and passes out. Asked him what the hell he had been doing and explained how stressed it had made me(midday the following day) He didn't care and told me I was selfish for ruining all the fun he had had. My parents were there and told me to leave it - he deserved some fun. I knew in my gut I should've left then but stayed and it wasn't until he cheated (that I could prove) that I finally left.

JSL52 · 22/05/2021 20:35

@lostsoul1989

I just don't know what I have done. So that is making it worse.

I feel bloody awful.

Who cares what you have supposed to have done? No excuse for silent sulking. Get rid of him.

Hm2020 · 22/05/2021 20:37

When I found a pair knickers in our flat after spending a weekend at my mums... he tried to convince me they where mine but where 3 sizes too big and from a shop I’d never been in I was also pregnant just didn’t know yet

JohnNutLips · 22/05/2021 20:37

When he was arrested for importing a firearm.

MrsDaveGrohl78 · 22/05/2021 20:39

I have a story, nothing as harrowing as some of the stories on here, which are heartbreaking to read ☹️

We went to a gig together in a city far from home with a friend of his. Got separated from his friend during the gig but knew we'd find him afterwards.

After the gig he left me with a group of guys that we got talking to so he could go to the toilet. After waiting 10-15 minutes he still hadn't come back so I asked one of the guys to go in and check on him but he returned and said the toilets were empty. I tried to call him several times but his phone rang and rang with no answer. Started to panic as I was now alone in a strange city hundreds of miles from home, had no idea how to get back to our hotel and the security team were kicking everyone out of the venue. The guys stayed with me outside for around half an hour (with me still trying his phone) and said they'd make sure I got back to where I was staying safely but to try his phone one last time. He finally answered and it turned out he was so drunk he forgot I was there and had wandered off to find his friend!

That was only one of the many, many awful experiences I had with him and his drinking - he's definitely and alcoholic but it was definitely the turning point for me. Left him not long afterwards.

Eternally grateful to those guys for looking out for me.

DearTeddyRobinson · 22/05/2021 20:39

It really was the tiniest straw that broke the camels back. He was hungover, again, I was painting the front door. I suggested he take the kids into the garden. He angrily informed me that just because I had decided to paint the front door, didn't mean that he should pick up the slack.
In other words, he wasn't going to do 'my' job of looking after our kids.
It was the last in a long litany of shite. Instructed solicitor the next day.

Alcemeg · 22/05/2021 20:44

@IEat

I was 17 and fickle and a boyfriend and I went McDonald’s and as he ate his food I saw how dirty his fingernails were.. couple that with a coat he wore with gold lining it was all too much

Boyfriend after that one wore a jumper my dad had (blue with a diamond pattern) we went to a party with my friends and I was embarrassed.. shame really he had a massive willy and his aunt who he lived with hated me . Gosh he was pretty and I was such a cow

I've got to say, in my next life I want to be more like you @IEat

🤣 instead of making excuses for all kinds of shite that I can't bring myself to share on here!

A coat with a gold lining... deal breaker. Blue jumper with diamond pattern. I'll remember that! 🥰

Massive willy.

Good for you! X

CheesecakeAddict · 22/05/2021 20:47

When I had been admitted to hospital and he told me of i didn't come home he was leaving our 2 month dd home alone to go to the betting shop (20 mins away).

spongedog · 22/05/2021 20:49

@comfyslippets you're right - these are the small things that break the camels back. But another poster upthread talked about her ex's family supporting him. Not the family or the DC. And that is what your DH has done - get his family to support him. I hope things work out for you.

Alcemeg · 22/05/2021 20:55

@Purplewithred

I'd been miserable for years. And one day, the tiniest little feather of a nothing floated down on the scales and I went from 50.00001% stay to 49.99999% stay, and I told him it was over.

@Purplewithred, beautifully expressed. That's exactly how it is. I was racking my brains for a good example for this thread, but you've nailed it. X

Juststopit · 22/05/2021 20:57

When he spent yet another of my birthdays shouting at me. Not long after I found out he was deep in debt (again) and then the final straw was finding messages to another woman. My god was I glad to see the back of him - happier now then I have been in a long time. Just kick myself now for not getting out sooner.

awmum2b · 22/05/2021 20:58

He refused to wash his bed sheets...found out he hadn't washed them in a year and refused to stay at his until he'd washed them. Week of silent treatment before he said he'd washed them n then it turned out he'd lied because he thought I wouldn't notice n to prove the point they didn't need washed so often (so often!!! )
I did notice, doubly annoyed that it was still grim and he'd also lied, so that was that!

LimpLettice · 22/05/2021 21:00

All the things that should have done it haunt me. Finally, it was when, after spending the day in hospital after a car accident which left me with a face full of stitches, we drove to his mums to collect baby DD at 1am and he screamed at me to get out, go in the house, say a proper thank you. He screamed abuse and told me to stop being such an ungrateful bitch because I quietly asked if he could go in to get her so I could get home and finally sleep.

wastedyearsandtears · 22/05/2021 21:01

When I found out he had given me a sexual disease. And blamed the doctor for telling me

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