Page 24 | I knew my relationship was over when.........

AnnieSnap · 24/05/2021 23:45

@silentlight

My feelings for him died when I saw a message he sent to his workmate saying he was a bit in love with the girl who tattooed his arm. He said she sang while she tattooed him and sent his friend the love heart eyes emoji. He’s not the easiest of husbands and what I had left in me flowed out at that point. I’m still here, but I’m dead inside.

Leave now. Take strength from other posts here and save yourself from this. Life is too short to stay in a bad marriage. I stayed for 29 years. Yet I knew after 2 years that I shouldn’t have married him. Thankfully, there was no abuse. Just years of rowing and the last 15 years, no sex and relentless boredom. I met the proverbial man of my dreams at 49 and we have now been together for 13 years. I couldn’t be happier, but I waisted decades!

Feeling dead inside sounds like you are suffering from Clinical Depression. Please speak to your GP and get some treatment. That will help you to feel stronger, so it won’t feel so difficult to leave. Then you can allow yourself to find happiness 💐

llizzie · 24/05/2021 23:46

When I dropped a reel of cotton on the floor and picked it up just as a goal was scored...................

wellstopdoingitthen · 24/05/2021 23:47

@Catra

He masturbated into a petri dish then stored it in our fridge.

I wish I was joking.

🤮 🤮🤮

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 24/05/2021 23:48

@Sarah90W which poster are you addressing with your repeated "about money " comments?!

helpmebeanadult · 25/05/2021 00:10

Some of these are truly awful.

When I had a moment of clarity that it didn't matter trying to understand wtf he did such hurtful things, just that he did them. It didn't matter that there were ' misunderstandings' to sort out (I.e. accusations of things I said, denial of things he said/did, even though I had evidence in black and white), didn't matter if half or most of what he said was lies, didn't matter what the silent treatment was for or whether I'd find out what I'd done in a timely matter. Didn't matter that there were never meaningful apologies. All that mattered was it was toxic as fuck and I'd let myself get treated in an appalling way many times. I don't know how many days I spent crying, yet for some reason, I'd lost myself and found it hard to properly leave, even though logically I knew I'd be happier if I left. If someone cares about you, they behave in a way that shows it. If it's not good most of the time, what's the point? If you start second guessing yourself after being gaslighted all the time, it just gets worse. It's weird as I'd broken up with guys for a lot less, that I had a lot more feeling for! That boiling frog syndrome is very very real! Admitting to myself that it was abusive and forgiving myself for staying in it were key for me - however, I was financially independent with no kids so it was easier to leave. I now have my happily ever after with a great man.

PierrethePenis · 25/05/2021 00:14

When he left me collapsed in agony on the bathroom floor. He had to go back to bed so he wasn’t too tired for work the next day.

leeds2glasgow · 25/05/2021 00:30

@Lowasitgets

When I was was sat in the corner of the kitchen eating my food with the dog while the rest of the family were sat at the dining room table. I still don't have what it takes to actually leave.

That's heartbreaking. It can be done. It's hard, but it really can. That isn't the life you are meant to lead x

BritInAus · 25/05/2021 00:36

When I had proof that they drank drove (7 times over) with our child in the car then screamed at me in A&E (collapsed unable to feel their legs - complication of alcoholism) that I wasn't undressing them fast enough and it'd be all my fault when they soiled myself... then came home, sobbed about sobering up then shortly sat outside a local primary school at drop off time in the car, drinking two bottles of wine.

They died several months later from liver failure. Their family have had the cheek to suggest my leaving them was the reason for their alcoholism....

SakuraEdenSwan1 · 25/05/2021 00:40

@BluefordPuppy

How many of you had children with these awful DHs? When you left did he pursue contact with them? What is he like with your children when he has them alone? I’m terrified of leaving my children with mine.

My ex has not bothered seeing his kids in years, my older 2 are in their early 20s and do not care one bit, but my youngest one hates his dad after being let down so many times. Don't cover for him like I was told too, the heart ache is too much for a child to bear especially when everyone thinks the sun shines out of their dads arse because mam sticks up for him. Never again will I lie to protect him, my youngest has seen how evil his dad is for himself.

StrawberryFizz26 · 25/05/2021 00:57

I have a couple of these moments myself but what's really resonating with so many of these awful stories, are how many I remember / have been told happened to my mum. 40 years my parents will have been married this year and whilst I don't think my Dad is still physical, he's still fucking horrible and emotionally abusive.

I think I'm going to be expected to put on a 40th party, I was blackmailed into doing a 25th. I'm absolutely not.

I'm 39 tomorrow and and finally feeling strong enough to not expect what I deserve from my family relationships, not all. But some. DP now is so lovely & I'm going to focus on that and the other people who love and appreciate me.

To all the strong, courageous woman on this thread, who on have protected their children from abuse, thank you. From an abused child, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Hawkins001 · 25/05/2021 01:03

@Itwasoverwhen

I had my own car, it was just the way he grabbed his bits and left me with the tent, all the equipment, literally everything else and was just happy to leave me to do it on my own. Even my kids were shocked.

What were the events leading up to this ? E.g. Conversations you both had , ect

AnnieSnap · 25/05/2021 01:05

@Catra

He masturbated into a petri dish then stored it in our fridge.

I wish I was joking.

Oh yes, I’d forgotten, my ex-husband used to watch porn into the early hours and several mornings I got up to find on the kitchen worktop, a glass - masterbated in an orange with a hole cut through it, that had been pushed into a glass. The results were in the bottom of the glass. 🤮

Rachie1973 · 25/05/2021 01:10

When I discovered he was fucking my mother whilst I was pregnant with our 4th child.

SakuraEdenSwan1 · 25/05/2021 01:42

@PomBearWithoutHerOFRS

Two things. He killed the puppies while I was out (and left their poor tiny bodies for me to find and deal with) and punched my 9 year old son, knocking him across the room. He has never seen no1 son since. No2 son has seen him a handful of times in the intervening 21 years.

Wtf!!!😢😢😢 Oh my this is horrific, I am truly sorry

Rhiannon13 · 25/05/2021 02:43

When I was bedridden for two months he kept 'forgetting' to buy me newspapers (pre-internet) and, unknown to me until I'd recovered, he told all my friends I didn't want them to visit. I've never felt more bored and alone.

munchkinman · 25/05/2021 03:27

@Itwasoverwhen

We went camping, there was a huge storm, he packed up his car and left me with 3 children, a huge tent to take down and everything still to pack in the lashing rain and wind because 'his stuff was packed'. I was still there an hour later and a man from a neighbouring tent couldn't even believe he had gone and just left me to struggle on my own.

Your turn...

What a d*ck...

tillyilybe · 25/05/2021 03:36

When he grabbed me bu the throat or maybe when he shoved a perfume strip in my mouth to teach me or how about when he called me a f*** C bomb infront of a busy restaurant hmmmmmmm

Ddot · 25/05/2021 05:58

After six years of abuse, mostly mental. This was the nail in the coffin, visiting his stuck up parents home ( was hoping their son would marry a career woman) which she proclaimed to my face! Anyho back to story, I went to loo came out into garden were bat shit crazy husband and his ma n pa were standing having a right good laugh. I asked what was so funny. Told me that they had chased a cat out of garden onto the road and a car ran it over. I quickly went to see if it had survived some lovely guy had stopped and kindly helped me look for it but it had ran away to die (probably) every ounce of feeling left me in the long grass that day. It took some doing and a lot of planning but I got a full time job( he didn't want) opened a secret bank account, packed a bin bag and moved in with my heavily pregnant sister.

Ddot · 25/05/2021 06:13

Funny how it wasnt him throwing me over a car, punching me in my sleep smashing objects through glass doors at me, not letting me drive, criticising my laugh my looks my weight, 8stone and too fat. Hating my family, leaving his job, the list is endless but that poor precious cat died and saved me

LizzyELane · 25/05/2021 06:14

First time - being shouted at in a busy supermarket by my then fiance asking why I was 'standing there like a gormless idiot'. He'd seconds before said something so spiteful I'd frozen on the spot in shock. I'll never forget that feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Second time, different man - went on a night out with exDH and his work friends. None of the usual gang were there, just some men I didn't know and a teenage girl who'd just joined the company. After several hours of sitting on my own while ExH and colleagues played pool with the girl, buzzing round her like flies, I asked to go home. On third refusal from him I left to get a taxi, but ended up walking a mile along a dark, remote lane to my parents house where my 3DCs were sleeping. The moment he didn't come after me, or phone or text, I knew I'd be bringing up the kids alone, youngest was only one. I'd been unhappy for a while but that sudden realisation that there was no longer any love, or even the decency to care about my safety, finished things for me, I've never looked back.

Ejaculate888 · 25/05/2021 06:27

My father's funeral was the penny-dropping moment. She played the grieving daughter-in-law until we packed up and headed for the car. Having just closed the passenger door, she turned to me and asked "Did he leave you any money?". I went hot, cold, and then numb. I knew then, I had to escape.

Ddot · 25/05/2021 06:50

Cuparfull
I got told that by my father, you will always have a way to make money, all woman do. He had a way of making me feel shit, all my life he would criticise, my intelligence my weight size ten telling me he hated me age 8 how he loved the barmaid like a daughter loved her as much as me When he died I had to pretend sadness. I chucked his ashes in a stream and said something in my head that nobody knows

bigbaggyeyes · 25/05/2021 06:58

My wedding day...

He was emotionally, financially, sexually and had started to get physically abusive towards me... I distinctly remember walking down the isle thinking 'oh fuck I'm now stuck with this wanker for the rest of my life'

A few months after the wedding I was asked to attend a conference at work which meant a meal in the evening. After weeks of abusive behaviour to stop me going , he said to me, as I was about to go to work 'if you walk out that door, don't bother coming back' so I didn't

SakuraEdenSwan1 · 25/05/2021 07:19

@Gumbomambo

When I caught him shagging my bridesmaid...on my wedding day. They’d been at it for months. Horrible stories on this thread but some really inspiring awesome posters out there. Good luck and stay strong.

Before or after your wedding?

fedupslummymummy · 25/05/2021 07:41

My late husband completed suicide 16 years ago. I’ve played the dutiful grieving wife in that time and I have never once told the truth to the children about the reality of life with their father (they are now older teenagers). Only my fiancé, my parents and a few trusted friends know the truth. I was too terrified to leave (as he told me I’d never see my babies again) but in reality the trash took itself out and I’ve never mourned the man for a single day. I see myself as fortunate to have had an escape.
Here are some of his gems:

Told me to get an abortion at 15 weeks with DC2 as he wouldn’t be allowed to go on tour as the Army knew I was pg.
Turned up at the hospital after an emergency birth with DC1 with another woman in the car and her children. Said the hospital was “boring” and that he was taking her out for the day so as not to waste his paternity leave.
Pushed me over onto my front when I was changing DCs nappy one handed as I had a broken arm. Declared me “fucking useless” and walked out leaving me face down on the floor unable to get up.
Convinced his parents I was a lazy slattern as I wasn’t “cleaning and cooking” now I had a newborn. They sympathised with him and his mother told me “I must do better.”
Had affairs in plain sight - I was told I was crazy and paranoid when I challenged him.
When I was working away he rang me in the middle of the night saying that I was a bad mother and a crazy woman and that he was going to take my children to his country and I’d never see them again. When I got home he (and the kids) were there, he denied all knowledge of the conversation, declared me crazy and told me he’d phoned to ask where DCs bottle was.
Didn’t tell any of his colleagues he was married. I couldn’t get hold of him on his mobile so I phoned his office. The guy who answered his desk phone told me he was “out with his girlfriend”. I took DC to hospital by myself.
Moved me against my will to his home country...and then told me he would be renting a flat closer to work and he’d see me “every second weekend or so”.
Stopped my “housekeeping” for the month because of some minor misdemeanour he had invented. I had to make the decision between food for me and nappies for the children.

All those posters saying “why don’t you just leave” well it’s not that simple. When you’re emotionally, physically and financially abused you feel there is no way out, nobody will believe you and that bad things will happen if you try to leave. I got out. Not in the way I envisaged but when I got the visit from the police in the middle of the night my first thought was “I’m free”. I always thought only one person would leave that marriage alive. I never envisaged it would be me.

to my fellow survivors 💚