Death by a thousand cuts, a few from memory:
When he picked me up from hospital after having my first miscarriage, and complained about work and annoying things people at work had done, all the way home, while I sat still bleeding and trying to hold it together in the passenger seat.
When we went on holiday and he had a strop on about something and nothing. After 3 days, a group of young pretty girls asked him to take a group picture of them. It was the first time I'd seen him smile and laugh all holiday.
When my car broke down and was going to cost me over £1000 I didn't have. I asked him for help. He said yes but we need to draw up a repayment plan. We'd been together nearly 10 years at this point, he earned a lot more than me, and I'd paid about £3k off his car loan when we'd moved in together so we could afford the mortgage.
When lockdown happened, I'd been gearing up for another round of IVF, weeks of tablets and invasive personal scans and having to inject myself, feeling bloated and like shit, then got the phone call to say all elective procedures were cancelled. I stood there and cried and it was like I'd told him it was raining outside. He didn't even get up.
In the end, it was a morning a few days later - he told me he was going to get paint for the shed. Suddenly it hit me that we wouldn't be living together in the house long enough to make it worth painting the shed. I'd had a suitcase packed for weeks under the bed. I left for my mum and dads the day before we went into lockdown.