I knew my relationship was over when.........

[Itwasoverwhen]

We went camping, there was a huge storm, he packed up his car and left me with 3 children, a huge tent to take down and everything still to pack in the lashing rain and wind because 'his stuff was packed'. I was still there an hour later and a man from a neighbouring tent couldn't even believe he had gone and just left me to struggle on my own.

Your turn...

Just to say, some of the stories on her are obviously horriffic and mine is trivial in comparion, not trying to play it up in any way. I just had years of living with an arrogant twat which I could have saved myself if I'd taken notice of the signs earlier on.

@NCBlossom

When I heard from a mutual friend that he’d started taking heroin.

He did used to drink, no more than others around him, and then had ‘dabbled’ with other drugs with some friends who really encouraged it. We were both in our twenties and had been together for a few years. I did love him, but I wasn’t secure that he was someone I could marry or start a family with as yet. He was the loveliest guy I ever knew. He was a funny, witty and intelligent guy who was haunted by his experiences as a boy. Sadly it was the result of an abusive childhood.

I left straight away after hearing about the heroin. My Ex completely got it, he knew leaving was the right thing for me to do and was ashamed he didn’t tell me. Two weeks later I heard that he’d moved from ‘dabbling’ to injecting heroin. I was shocked at how fast that happened. I would like to say that I moved on to fantastic men, but the (non drinking guy) I married and had two children with, cheated on me and now divorced.

My first Ex remained an addict. He remained, in all that time, a remarkably lovely guy. He frequented an underworld I guess at times, but he never harmed others or turned into a horrible person. Amazingly everyone he met still absolutely loved him. He had friends everywhere, from people on the streets to Professors, street sex workers to Vicars. He set up his own business and paid his way. He kept his girlfriends very casual, mostly addicts. Occasionally he’d get clean but not for long.

We would still meet up occasionally in a cafe or go for a walk, and it was always good to see him. He’d sometimes write long, funny letters about his life. He wanted to keep in touch and as long as it was distant and respectful, I didn’t mind. I was one piece of his life before addiction, like an anchor.

Eventually he got very ill, as I knew one day he would. It’s a slow path to destruction, addiction, and quite harrowing on the way down. A strange twist of fate meant that I was the one by his hospital bedside as he died. I tried to be witty and funny to him in his last hours so he wouldn’t be too scared dying. At his funeral it was packed with people, and no one had a bad word to say.

What a sad and touching story - you did the right thing, but must wonder what might have been had he got himself clean.

@nottomgates you’re being very brave.

to you and all you other lovely brave women on here.

[quote VouisLuitton]@NCBlossom
How absolutely horrific
I hope you are ok now [/quote]
Sorry @NCBlossom I was meant to tag @PomBearWithoutHerOFRS, referring to killing the puppies as horrific, not what you said. Obviously hope you’re ok too though, your post was very touching

...when I caught him in bed with our bar maid. He knew how difficult it was to get decent staff...

We got together at Uni. I graduated, got a job and did a full time post-grad degree in parallel. He kept failing his exams. We lived in a small place completely funded by me.

What ended it was me arriving home after whole day at work and 3h at evening lectures to find him still in bed, still watching Eurosport (like he did when I got up in the morning). He looked at me and said "Did you buy me beer? Can you iron my shirt - I'm meeting some friends in the pub? Oh, and what are you planning to make for dinner?".

I moved out at 4am that very night. My dad came to pick me up. Never looked back.

@Aneley

We got together at Uni. I graduated, got a job and did a full time post-grad degree in parallel. He kept failing his exams. We lived in a small place completely funded by me.

What ended it was me arriving home after whole day at work and 3h at evening lectures to find him still in bed, still watching Eurosport (like he did when I got up in the morning). He looked at me and said "Did you buy me beer? Can you iron my shirt - I'm meeting some friends in the pub? Oh, and what are you planning to make for dinner?".

I moved out at 4am that very night. My dad came to pick me up. Never looked back.

Glorious! What a knob!

Genuinely horrific stories. Makes me ashamed to be a man.

what a vile thing to do, you’re well rid of him - wtf is it with some men?

@selflove

He was drunk and angry, like he always was when he was drunk. I was pregnant and at home with our 2&3 year olds when he came back from a 48 hour bender, and he was angry that I hadn't tried to ring him to find out where he was. By that point, I didn't care where he was. I wished him dead. He pushed me down to the floor and started pissing on me. He forced my mouth open and pissed in my mouth. I left the next day. Gave birth alone, have been a single parent now for 3 years, and have never been happier.

I so so so hope you name is a testament to how you feel about yourself.

What this man did to you... the pregnant mother of his children. In UN FUCKING SPEAKABLE.

@Horehound - total. He had the nerve to blame me for "ruining his life" and "leading him on". Apparently, he was preparing to propose when I left.

The best part is that I heard that when he went to complain to his own parents about what a b*tch I was - his own dad told him "Good for her. I would have kicked YOU out!". :D

@selflove this is one of the worst things I've ever read on MN, and there have been a few! I am so glad you're out and cannot believe this...this... entity dares to call himself a man.

I want to sob for all the little kids bravely standing up for their mums in this thread. We can kid ourselves they are too little to understand, but they're not stupid

Yes - the courage of small children is amazing.

I've done it in the past. So have my sister and brother. (I doubt I'd have such courage now)

My mother did it before me to protect her mother.

I'm lucky - I have a smashing (though often bliddy annoying husband) and whenever I get pee'd off with him, I remind myself what could have been.

I fear Im destined for solitude or unhappy pairings

There's nothing wrong with being single - in fact, there is a lot to envy with regard to being a single woman.

I stopped myself and thought, this cunt isn't worth doing time for. Walked out on him with three cats and a box of books, never looked back.

Excellent prioritising!

He was raping me in my sleep, and when I woke up would tell me it was my night terrors, cuddle me and help me back to sleep. I was suspicious of condoms in the bin and references to sex I didn't remember, so I didn't take the medication to help me sleep and caught him trying to put it in. When I "woke up" he did the same routine of "You've had a night terror, don't cry, it's alright, it's not real."

I got up, packed some of my things and tried to leave for my sisters while he was screaming at me calling me a deluded cunt and a liar. Took my shoes and locked the front door to try and stop me leaving, but I managed to get out through the side. Worst night of my life and I struggle to believe how I survived and kept going. Took me a long time to feel safe sleeping next to current DH, but he couldn't have been more understanding.

When he very nearly missed the birth of our son because none of his friends or family could find him and when they could he couldn't even wake up. Turns out he'd gone to a friends house to get stupidly high, its not even like he didn't know because I'd been in hospital for the past few days waiting to be induced!

When he screamed in our newborns face calling him one of the worst swear words I think is out there

When he refused to pay any bills or rent or anything when I was still working at 8 months pregnant.

When he got in a huge strop with me because I left the baby with him for a few hours to sleep, even though I'd been getting up all night every night with the baby. After this we had an argument and he told me he'd wish I'd never wake up and die from a chronic health condition I have.

All this was after I'd found messages between him and another girl arranging to meet for sex and do real specific fetish things. His excuse was "you're pregnant so I can't do those things with you".

It embarrassingly took me ages after all this to leave him, I was just too stubborn to admit everyone else was right. I still feel guilty now for "snatching his child" (his words) and moving miles away

When my then husband accidentally (?) cc'd me on an email to his lover saying to her 'ciao you hot babe'. He was mid 40's at the time!

Midwife

Our youngest was sick at birth and the hospital did some chromosome tests.
6 weeks later we were called for results.
The nurse asked us to leave the pram outside in waiting room.
He decided not to come into the doctors room in case the pram ( that I'd bought) was stolen.
I heard of our child’s life limiting diagnosis alone.
I threw him out the next day.

He’s not bothered with any of our children since.

He is an awful human being and our relationship was at rock bottom (to the point I had a breakdown but he still refused to lift a finger to help me - far too busy smoking weed and sleeping). Breaking point was when, during an argument, he told me that I was a boring, ugly and fat (I categorically wasn't), that he hoped I died and then proceeded to frogmarch me down the corridor to DDs bedroom (can't remember why exactly) with him twisting my arm around my back (and 3yo DD in my other arm), barricading us in the room with his body, not allowing us to escape. He had grabbed me and punched holes in walls before, but that was the point I said no more, I can't subject DD to this anymore, never mind me. I called the police and he left.

It embarrassingly took me ages after all this to leave him, I was just too stubborn to admit everyone else was right. I still feel guilty now for "snatching his child" (his words) and moving miles away

I feel ya @ColdandFrosty1.

When my kids started having panic attacks on the way home from school cos they weren't sure what mood Dad would be in when we got home.

This thread is heartbreaking. I remember reading a similar one when I was still with my abusive exh and I recognised so many of stories and behaviours that it gave me the kick start I needed to get away from him. 10 years on, I'm now with a fantastic man who is a wonderful stepfather to my children. I hope this thread will help others realise that they are not alone and can give themselves the happier life that they deserve.

My cat got run over and killed. I was really sad. That night, my self absorbed twat of a DP proceeded to get blind drunk and spend the whole night crying about his dog that had died when he was nine It was quite extraordinary.

And when I pointed out that my pet had died 'four hours ago' rather than twenty years ago, I was told that it was 'just a cat' so the connection wasn't the same as a 'dog' which scars you for life.

OK then.

The next day, it suddenly dawned on me that he always had to own the drama. And despite being mildly impressed that he'd even managed to manipulate my dead cat into his emotional catastrophe, he had to go.

You want a self pitying drama? Off you fuck. Now you can cry about that.

Not the immediate end, as it still took about a year and a couple of months, but...

Marriage: when I threatened divorce if he mistreated the cat again. I still have the cat, who is lovely. It finally ended due to DV.

Shorter relationship: when he commented he wanted to give up his job in frustration and move to the country (no consideration for the relationship), more or less around the time he said that he had found someone to iron his clothes instead of his mum (he supposedly was crap at it). In the end I was somewhat bored and didn't see it developing anywhere, so cut my losses short.

when I was having a scan to date pregnancy, the look he gave me was pure hate, told me he didn't want a baby, he and his vile mother put pressure on me to have a termination, I didn't he left. Found out after he was having an affair obviously told OW we were not dtd she was pregnant a year later. He rarely sees our DC, his loss