I knew my relationship was over when.........

[Itwasoverwhen]

We went camping, there was a huge storm, he packed up his car and left me with 3 children, a huge tent to take down and everything still to pack in the lashing rain and wind because 'his stuff was packed'. I was still there an hour later and a man from a neighbouring tent couldn't even believe he had gone and just left me to struggle on my own.

Your turn...

@ThatsAllFolks

I was nine months pregnant. I had a stressful job 100 miles away. I found him at home watching TV surrounded by mess when I got home and when I asked why he wasn't at work (teacher) he tole me he had started his paternity leave because he was 'tired'. I carried on going to work, facing increasing amounts of mess when I got in. I was cleaning the kitchen floor on my hands and knees late one evening whilst he was drinking and I asked him why on earth I was doing this and why didn't he go if he had nothing to contribute and he told me to go and to 'take your annoying bastard child with you, no one likes him anyway'. Lightbulb moment

He sounds like a very evil man. I really hope karma gets to him and he gets what he deserves. Who even talks about a child like that?! Vile bastard

Years ago, I was going out with the head boy at school, the super cool well dressed and all round sports star. It continued until I was 18 ish.

Increasing controlling behaviour but the final straw was the punch in the face because I couldn't find my keys.

It then turned to begging me to go back out with him, me being stalked and the police being involved.

I had scrimped and saved to be able to make our garden safe for our 2 year old. He took the £800 and lost it all on one horse at the bookies.

He shouted at me at dinner. One of big long rants. I just sat there watching spittle fly in various directions and thinking how deeply unattractive he was on every level. When he finished I got up, grabbed my handbag and left. We had been dating for 2 years but I never missed him for a day.

When it became obvious he fancied the Italian waiter on holiday

There were a few things, including the silent treatment for weeks on end, but the final straw was when I had a blow-out driving to work on the motorway.

I was lucky not to be killed. How I managed not to hit any of the cars around me and get to the hard shoulder in one piece I'll never know.

I was in total shock and rang him to get the number for the breakdown service (I'd given him the little wallet-sized card the insurance company had given me with all the details of who to call in an emergency as his car was older than mine and more likely to break down).

He answered the phone. Denied I'd ever given him the contact card, said he had no idea what the number was and hung up.

Standing on the side of the motorway I realised he actually didn't care if I'd been killed.

I knew I deserved better. Got my ducks in a row and kicked him out 5 months later.

I've never met anyone else but even now a decade later I'd rather be single than be with someone who doesn't care about me.

@statetrooperstacey

When he emptied a full potty over my head then set our 11 stone dog on me.

That is awful

@Moutainwoman

Really heartwarming to hear the stories where people mention how much happier they are now and have gone on to meet wonderful DH. I fear Im destined for solitude or unhappy pairings

Nobody is "destined for unhappy pairings". I live a happily single but not solitude life.

Some appalling things that people have been through. Mine was when he screamed at me for cutting the slice of bread for his toast wrong. Apparently it was not straight enough. There had been a gradual build up of controlling behaviour too, eventually he was locking me in his flat while he went out and then not ‘allowing’ me to sleep at night. But it was the bread incident that shook me from my torpor and enabled me to leave although that wasn’t easy. At the same time I was somehow holding down a professional job which I eventually lost because my employers said I had ‘taken my eye off the ball ‘ I had confided in HR and asked for help but they ended my contract. Dark days indeed and I look back on those years now and shudder

He masturbated into a petri dish then stored it in our fridge.

I wish I was joking.

When I was in a car accident (other car ran a red light and slammed into me) and I was stuck at home with a severed collarbone and positional vertigo (everytime I looked upwards the room would spin like crazy - it made it impossible to do everyday basic things like wash my hair) and obviously I couldn't drive. My then husband took three weeks of compassionate leave from his work to help me... and did absolutely nothing! I was hobbling around with a broken bone that was meant to be left unbothered to set and I was still doing the cooking and cleaning, even taking out trash bags. My then husband used the time off to have a holiday, play video games and go out golfing with his friends. My colleague had to come by and give me a lift to work and back as my husband was never around. I also needed to buy a new car to replace my totalled car and husband whined and sulked that I wanted a sensible safe hatchback and not a sporty car that he would love to drive.

This event was the latest in a long list of things that led to me divorcing him but it was the final straw. I clearly remember laying awake at night and having the realisation for the first time, that I needed to divorce this man ASAP! My only regret is that it took me two more years to finally make the break.

I should add that I was thirty five when I divorced my ex and I thought I'd never marry or be in a long term relationship again and that was fine, I would be happier on my own in any case, rather than stay married.

Two years later I got married again to my own shock and surprise! I married a wonderful man and we've been together for nearly fifteen years now, I wouldn't change my past for anything as it somehow led me to my husband but I will always wish I'd acted earlier on my realisation that I needed to divorce my ex. Even in the twenty first century I was still somehow ashamed of the thought of being a "divorcee" for some reason. Silly.

@NCBlossom
How absolutely horrific
I hope you are ok now

Most of these men belong in prison.
What is wrong with men ?

When I told him his behaviour was making me suicidal and he just shrugged and said "oh well" this is after months of beating me, weeks of silence and not speaking to me. I felt like I was going insane.
4 years free this year!

When he fucked off to France in a hurry before the first lockdown and just before the planes stopped going - with no way of getting back. Leaving me and the kids, which I now realise was so he could lockdown with his mistress. He was gone for over a month, and we had no contact with him at all.

All during a time when the whole world had shut down and no one had any bloody clue what was going on. So yeah, that was fun.

When he told me his mother had said that if we had a child she wouldn’t be able to look at it because she disliked me so much. Lots of other things and he was a liar, so many pointless lies. Jealous, controlling but it was the retelling of such a nasty comment that flicked a switch and suddenly I could see what my life would be like if I stayed with him. Sad bastard.

Mine sounds ridiculous but it really was my I’ve had enough moment
He was an alcoholic who would regularly get drunk and smash up the house in front of the kids and then get in his car and drive off completely paralytic. He had a really bad health scare and was in intensive care for 6 weeks and was told he could never drink again. I really thought he wouldn’t. It lasted about 4 months and then he would secretly down bottles of wine in the kitchen when he was cooking tea thinking i wouldn’t notice?!? One day he cooked tea and bought it in and he was that drunk he hadn’t even noticed he hadn’t cooked it and the fish was completely raw. I just thought fuck this shit.... he will never change and you can only help someone so much.
That was that, he’s still drinking 4 years later and by some miracle he’s still alive but he’s not part of our lives at all. I still dread the day I’m going to have to tell my kids he’s dead though

When I discovered he was 30k in debt by supporting another woman and the year he had worked 'away' every weekday, he was living with her.

I feel rather petty about my reasons for leaving compared to other people's experiences here but I do love that everyone posting here has one amazing thing in common. We left and are all better off for it!

After some time of emotional and financial abuse, we were living in a shit damp house with no central heating and no hot water.
He was in a bath run by dunking the shower attachment in the tub, getting ready to go out drinking with his pissy mates.
I stood at the top of the stairs and I actually planned how I was going to murder the fucker by dropping an electric heater in the bath. Not just "oh I could kill him the arsehole" but actually thinking it stage by stage.

And I stopped myself and thought, this cunt isn't worth doing time for. Walked out on him with three cats and a box of books, never looked back.

@PomBearWithoutHerOFRS

I genuinely think I would have murdered him. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry for all those who have had such cunts in their lives.

An ex 10yrs ago.
Started by controlling who I saw. Should check my phone and emails. Would look at internet history. Smashed up three of my phones. Got mad at me that my best friend had bought me Take That concert tickets. Made me tell her I could go. Got mad that my parents sent me an Xmas card without his name on. They knew he was a bad one. Ripped the card up and he made me give it back to them. When I was unconscious drunk woke up to him raping me. The next morning denied it was rape. I had tried to leave a few times. He threatened suicide.
Final straw he was due in court for indecent exposure to a minor. I asked my parents to help me leave him and to help me stay away. By this point I hadn’t spoken to them in a year. They helped me leave him.
He was sent to prison and tried to carry on controlling me with letters from prison. I contacted the warden and the letters soon stopped.
Before him I was very confident and would never have thought I would have ever been in an abusive controlling relationship. I regret ever seeing him.
I’m happy with my new partner- of 8 years. He knows I was in an abusive relationship but have not told him about the rape. This is the first time I’ve told anyone.

@lostsoul1989 I’ve had this with DH. You’re so down on yourself and lost so much perspective that you need him to realise he’s in the wrong, to say sorry, to allow you to blame him for what he’s doing. But that won’t ever happen. They don’t accept fault. That’s what I’ve realised about myself anyway.

As it seems is usual on this thread, it was a tiny thing that made me leave, after all the other crap that happens.

I have very very few "things" photos/mementos/whatnots.
So the few I have are very precious to me.
He deliberately smashed a drinking glass my grandad had had engraved just for me. Grandad was recently gone and I could never hope to replace the glass. I didnt stick around to see if he'd break the few other things I owned.
So because of him I now wrap my few items up very carefully and rarely get them out to look at which seems bloody pointless but I could not bear losing any more. Also I dont think I've ever told anyone how much these things mean to me, not taking the chance.

Another (a very long time ago) tried really hard to strangle me and/or break my back over a bannister. I walked out and never went back, he stalked me for years. Bastard.

Another broke my finger because I'd pointed at something. Seriously.

Another wanted to lock my kids in their room so we could go out. What goes on in these mens minds? Of fucking course I wouldn't do that.

I'm with a decent bloke now but if this ever ends I'm staying single.
I'm just not bothered to weed out the shit ones anymore, too much stress and just for a shag and company. Hard pass nowadays.