When I heard from a mutual friend that he’d started taking heroin.
He did used to drink, no more than others around him, and then had ‘dabbled’ with other drugs with some friends who really encouraged it. We were both in our twenties and had been together for a few years. I did love him, but I wasn’t secure that he was someone I could marry or start a family with as yet. He was the loveliest guy I ever knew. He was a funny, witty and intelligent guy who was haunted by his experiences as a boy. Sadly it was the result of an abusive childhood.
I left straight away after hearing about the heroin. My Ex completely got it, he knew leaving was the right thing for me to do and was ashamed he didn’t tell me. Two weeks later I heard that he’d moved from ‘dabbling’ to injecting heroin. I was shocked at how fast that happened. I would like to say that I moved on to fantastic men, but the (non drinking guy) I married and had two children with, cheated on me and now divorced.
My first Ex remained an addict. He remained, in all that time, a remarkably lovely guy. He frequented an underworld I guess at times, but he never harmed others or turned into a horrible person. Amazingly everyone he met still absolutely loved him. He had friends everywhere, from people on the streets to Professors, street sex workers to Vicars. He set up his own business and paid his way. He kept his girlfriends very casual, mostly addicts. Occasionally he’d get clean but not for long.
We would still meet up occasionally in a cafe or go for a walk, and it was always good to see him. He’d sometimes write long, funny letters about his life. He wanted to keep in touch and as long as it was distant and respectful, I didn’t mind. I was one piece of his life before addiction, like an anchor.
Eventually he got very ill, as I knew one day he would. It’s a slow path to destruction, addiction, and quite harrowing on the way down. A strange twist of fate meant that I was the one by his hospital bedside as he died. I tried to be witty and funny to him in his last hours so he wouldn’t be too scared dying. At his funeral it was packed with people, and no one had a bad word to say.