Stuff that works again and again in books and films but wouldn't happen in real life

[StealthPolarBear]

Terrorist attack? Biochemical attack? Pandemic? You (as president) need to bring in a maverick against the advice of all your advisors and anyone with half a brain.
If male, they must live in their mum's basement and wear band t shirts. If female, they must be hot and geeky, and maybe have a bit of a hazy past.
Go and put your feet up. Sorted.

I can't take my bra off easily while sitting down.

The inability to have a conversation with someone who isn't within touching distance and staring directly at you.
As in,
Susie - 'listen, I just have this really important thing to-'
James - turns away and starts to walk slowly away
Susie obviously cannot say one word more, conversation absolutely over, it would be completely impossible to carry on talking/try and stop them leaving/follow them down the street as they have turned more than 45' and moved 1cm away. Instead it's just Susie staring rooted to the spot, shouting 'James! Please!'
Although sometimes does say under breath something like 'Gerald is actually your son' (anguished face)

Everyone who has their hands tied behind their back can step through the gap and end up with their hands in front of them. I'm pretty sure you need the arms of an orangutang to do this.

@Bonariensis

Everyone who has their hands tied behind their back can step through the gap and end up with their hands in front of them. I'm pretty sure you need the arms of an orangutang to do this.

never mind arms, my arse is too huge for that

Everyone has amazing upper body strength and hand grip. Even dweeby boy wizards.

Anyone can hang off the end of a cliff and pull themselves and several other people hanging onto them by reaching for a twig sticking out between two rocks.

New York has been devastated many times but not once have I heard a resident complain about the constant threats to their life/falling buildings/alien lizards and the like.
My local Facebook mums group would be up in arms!

Using the picture of the suspected bad guy which you digitally zoomed in on without any it just becoming a pixelated mess, you can use the magic face match search which will flash numerous faces from the criminal/terrorist/foreign spy databases before landing on the right one with a flashing message announcing 100% match,. Ideally in green in a Amstrad type font. All text in the profile of the bad guy will be presented in that same 80s computer text in neat boxes. You will have enough clues from that single page profile to identify exactly where is hide out will be and go and confront him

Reality is the little spinning circle of doom as you try to search any government database for a simple postcode match.
(Designated Survivor for very annoying)

Would love a laptop that never seems to need charging and also pings to life the instant you open it instead of having to wait for it to sort itself out.
Also when people in films have to download something on to a memory stick from someone else's computer in a government building in a foreign land they know exactly where to find the files. And every bit of hardware/software is instantly compatible with everything else.

Aargh, that's better.

the SWAT team who is called out for a heavy situation wears full protective gear including helmets and even goggles at times.

the protagonists don't need their heads & faces protected despite being first through the door. the tough facial expressions are the only armour they need

Mild cough? Dead by the end of the film.

In spite of two-thirds of people in the UK being overweight, and I think the proportion is higher in the US, there are very few fat people in movies.

This is a good point. If there is an overweight person they're the "fat friend", loyal, funny but a bit hopeless.

YA fiction: 10 weeks of intense training turns the previously unfit heroine into a sculpted elite warrior capable of singlehandedly defeating the baddest of bad guys. They never get shin splints or other over-training injuries. They always end up in a deep and meaningful relationship with the angsty coach.

When people are told 'no' the first time by someone middle ranking, they always find a way to get access to the top dog, either by just walking into a meeting, storming a building, finding out where they are shopping etc. Then they are allowed ages to talk them round, rather than just being shot by security on sight.

Has your love interest caught you in a compromising station? Just say "I can explain!", rather than actually explaining. It will ruin your relationship but keep the story going.

In scenes of mass destruction the hero or heroine on the story survives unharmed and undetected by crouching behind a small wall.

CPR bringing people back to life is my biggest bugbear.

Well that and takeaway coffee cups. They way actors handle then and apparently can drink from them immediately.

yes to the American saving the world.
Especially during WWII. I've noticed this in books too recently. (ds is very interested in WWII). He got one book out of the library called something like "Great People in WWII" and all except one was American. The one being Winston Churchill. So there were 19 people you hadn't really heard of, out of 20. And, yes, it was a British book, but clearly trying to appeal to the American market.

Whereas we know that the Americans came in late... and were over sexed, over paid and over here.

The car chases where the car sideswipes other cars, crashes into objects, flies through the air but keeps going for as long as they need it to

In Horror films,they hear a noise and investigate the attic or basement
Why??
I'd be gone out that door so fast

@Krook

Would love a laptop that never seems to need charging and also pings to life the instant you open it instead of having to wait for it to sort itself out. Also when people in films have to download something on to a memory stick from someone else's computer in a government building in a foreign land they know exactly where to find the files. And every bit of hardware/software is instantly compatible with everything else.

Aargh, that's better.

If you want to talk about hardware/software compatability (over an entire galaxy and decades of time) then Starwars has to be the worst offender.

@MargaretThursday

yes to the American saving the world. Especially during WWII. I've noticed this in books too recently. (ds is very interested in WWII). He got one book out of the library called something like "Great People in WWII" and all except one was American. The one being Winston Churchill. So there were 19 people you hadn't really heard of, out of 20. And, yes, it was a British book, but clearly trying to appeal to the American market.

Whereas we know that the Americans came in late... and were over sexed, over paid and over here.

Or the film about the Great Wall of China where it again appears that an American (Matt Damon!!!!) was instrumental to its defence!

Zing I've never seen it in a film, but IRL I know a lot of women who take their bra off at the end of a day.

One of my book hates, which is particularly true in children's books is where things are not there until the moment of convenience.

So they have gone through this room hundreds of times in the book alone. On the one time they're trapped they look up and see a button in the wall so they climb up and press to reveal a secret passageway to escape. (especially bad when it's the sixth book in a series)
Have them comment about rumours of a secret passage. Comment that the knothole looks like a button. Maybe even go to press it and get distracted. Just don't happen to spot it at just the right time having had no clue before.

And related to that, characters who "just realise" everything at the right time.
So if they've been captured for the last two days, don't have them suddenly remember they have a penknife in their back pocket, and hide it in case they're searched... and then at the instant they do that have the bad guys running in to search them.
Or be about to leave through the window, then suddenly think that they might be watching that window so go through the other one, and just happen to be correct all the time...

When holding someone at gunpoint, always get close enough, while reciting a long story, for them to grab the gun from you and turn the tables!

In the 1970s, any police officer who was two days from retirement was doomed!