Stuff that works again and again in books and films but wouldn't happen in real life

[StealthPolarBear]

Terrorist attack? Biochemical attack? Pandemic? You (as president) need to bring in a maverick against the advice of all your advisors and anyone with half a brain.
If male, they must live in their mum's basement and wear band t shirts. If female, they must be hot and geeky, and maybe have a bit of a hazy past.
Go and put your feet up. Sorted.

GPS that can track people indoors/underground.
When someone turns the TV on, it always immediately starts, no faffing with the channels/digibox/dvd player etc or waiting for it to load. And it's always at the beginning of the appropriate headline on the news channel, or the film starts straight away.

When there’s a fight (eg Kill Bill) only two or three baddies attack the main character at a time while all the others stand and wait their turn.

Women always have sex with their bra on, and wake up in the morning with their bra on. Bras are always pretty push up satin affairs, never a plain M&S over the shoulder boulder holder.

Disabled people being magically cured by something like being in the fresh air and eating some cheese (I'm looking at you Heidi).

My DF used to like watching the A-team. He thought it was great - all those bullets flying around but no-one ever gets shot. So unlike his experiences in WWII.

People who've been in a wheelchair for months or years being able to get up and walk normally virtually immediately, with no stiffness or muscle wastage. (Hallo, Downton).

@YesIDoLoveCrisps

Being knocked unconscious and then 2 seconds later running around and fighting the baddie

Yes! I ALWAYS think this. Head injuries are a really complex area, it would be so easy to give someone a bleed on the brain or a fatal aneurysm yet this never seems to occur

Passwords are always a word related to the pc owner. We need to get in the computer! Look around the room, only a couple of pictures of family but loads of the dog. Must be the dogs name! And it's exact, it's always rover and never 123Rover or something even slightly safer.

@DamnTheseElectricSexPants

There's only one type of beer at a bar and it's called, "beer" and is seemingly free since nobody ever pays.

Yes!

The best password is ‘password’ as used by the head of Stark/Avengers security 🤣

People are always trying to download secret information onto their USB stick from the harddrive (or maybe upload a virus, or any random computer stuff) and there is always tension because the download is only 90% but the Bad Guys have entered the building and will discover them soon etc. Like, Im sure the 90% is probably enough? Just remove the USB stick and get out of there. Dont stand by the computer saying "come on, come on" while Bad Guy slowly ascends in the escalator.

@Annoy

The best password is ‘password’ as used by the head of Stark/Avengers security 🤣

Or "Guest" (another Archer ref)

Also, turning up at people's houses all the time.
Firstly, how do you know the address? And how does everyone live so close to each other? And why drive over there for this very brief doorstep conversation? And why is the homeowner not like 'WTF are you doing at my house Terry you could have just texted'. Especially in romantic situations, I'd be thinking 'red flag!' if fairly new love interest/colleague turned up at my house just to say a couple of sentences.

computer geek can sit down at any unknown computer and immediately reprogram it / hack the code / guess the password without the computer crashing & swearing & coffee & 10 attempts to get the stupid thing to compile because you forgot to put a ; at the end of the line

'WTF are you doing at my house Terry you could have just texted'

The obedient barely there children and the never saying bye to anyone on the phone. Also I watched CSI years ago and I was wandering how everyone could be called at a moments notice with perfectly applied make up and also “ YOU ARE CONTAMINATING THE SCENE! WEAR A SHOWER CAP YOU IDIOT”. I would have turned up with panda eyes and ketchup down my front, but no-one would know because I would be wearing the appropriate gear.

No woman gets pregnant by unprotected sex and no STIs are ever transmitted.

Wild adventures, extreme scenarios and apocalyptic fallout can all happen and no woman has to find a tree to pee behind or has to source/change some sanitary products.

Nothing so dramatic as spies, guns and near death experiences, but books and films where strangers will meet in a random place - train stations, swimming pool change room etc. and next thing they’ve exchanged names and life stories and are lifelong friends. Does this actually happen?

In my experience, people are usually too busy buying their ticket, or pulling their clothes on before every everyone sees their wobbly bits, to be looking for a bestie.

I'm rewatching ER, which I love, but how many head traumas, GSWs and RTAs can one shift have to deal with, even in Chicago? No wonder the staff are exhausted all the time. And if it's apparently 'quiet tonight' you can be sure all hell will break loose within 30 seconds.

I suppose it would make for a slightly boring show if there were long lingering shots of the packed waiting room full of kids with marbles up their noses and pensioners with bunions

@Annoy

Bad guys never get shot in the face, so they never truly die and end up jumping the good guy from behind as he walks away.

Also, why do they do so much talking before the kill shot? Most bad guys end up getting away because of this!.... Go in, shoot, no small talk

There's a Terry Pratcett book that satirized your last point. Something about pray you face a bad guy not a good guy because bad guys can't resist boasting about how clever they've been while the good guy will kill you without a word.

Sex - there's no 'left a bit, right a bit'. No funny noises. And no need for loo roll after the act.

Women who've left idiotic first husbands end up with them at the end of the film where husband is slightly less idiotic. In some cases the second husband dies heroically and wife barely sheds a tear before getting back with the man child.

Not being able to solve any crimes without throwing a few completely unnecessary forward rolls in whilst chasing, superheroes are buggers for this.

Hotwiring a car in seconds.
As pp said, no-one ever just turns the bloody light on.
In true crime programmes women wear not just bras but always a matching set.

Men always wear a t shirt and boxers in bed.

No one ever turns up at a house without there being a plot-specific reason for them coming.

Everyone always knows how to fire a gun, even if they've supposedly never handled one before. I can sort of believe it in the US but this happens with British and other made films/series too.

I wouldn't have a clue how to cock it, release the safety etc unless someone showed me but someone who half an hour ago was a post room assistant or whatever can be tossed a gun, told to "cover me" and unerringly shoot some henchman minutes later.