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Stuff that works again and again in books and films but wouldn't happen in real life

223 replies

StealthPolarBear · 19/05/2021 21:55

Terrorist attack? Biochemical attack? Pandemic? You (as president) need to bring in a maverick against the advice of all your advisors and anyone with half a brain.
If male, they must live in their mum's basement and wear band t shirts. If female, they must be hot and geeky, and maybe have a bit of a hazy past.
Go and put your feet up. Sorted.

OP posts:
Annoy · 20/05/2021 09:42

Bad guys never get shot in the face, so they never truly die and end up jumping the good guy from behind as he walks away.

Also, why do they do so much talking before the kill shot? Most bad guys end up getting away because of this!.... Go in, shoot, no small talk

BinocularVision · 20/05/2021 09:46

The heroine suddenly has to run off and do something crucial involving dashing about at the last minute on her way to Big Dressy Event, so she just shouts to a female sidekick ‘See you there! Bring my dress!’

(Thinking of Julia Roberts in My Best Friend’s Wedding, but there are loads.)

She runs about and solves whatever it is at the last possible moment, and the next shot invariably depicts her shortly after, smiling serenely at the wedding/ball/black tie dinner wearing said dress, but also with appropriate shoes, jewellery, underwear, accessories, and not sweating through her makeup and/or with hairy armpits and shins.

Real life instructions would be a lot less devil-may-care and would involve having to direct the sidekick to your Spanx, strapless bra, LadyShave etc, or involve the triumphant heroine accessorising her final scene look with runners or a greying visible bra strap.

Wegobshite · 20/05/2021 09:48

In 24 I am pretty sure Jack never sleeps eats shits or has piss

But I’ve noticed that in quite a few films to be fair 😂

HappydaysArehere · 20/05/2021 09:48

There is always a shortage of light bulbs when a main character is entering or going around a house. They look nervous but never think to turn on a light. Noticed this lack of light is now being transferred to the screen to give a certain atmosphere to a drama. This tends to send me to sleep or to give up on it.

terrywynne · 20/05/2021 09:50

Running in stilettos. Female action heros in skimpy outfits with minimal bruising and only artistically placed dirt. Flawless hair and make up unless artistically rumpled (And it never gets in the way of it is long and loose). Need a change of appearance? Cut your hair in the bathroom and get a perfect salon cut.

And all the falling, being thrown, jumping, having shrapnel nearby that would shatter bones, cause major internal bleeding etc but is all survivable. I seem to remember watching some YouTube videos a while back which analysed the injuries in films like die hard and fast and furious movies. Conclusion was that most of the time they were dead before the end of the first fight...

Lilaetlilas · 20/05/2021 09:51

Children playing bit parts, they don't ever demand the full attention of their parents. Children being told to go to bed or go to their room and they leave immediately and quietly without protest or saying one word. People never saying hello or goodbye on the phone, never finishing a drink or a meal, and always waking up with perfect breath and make up.

Lovelanguedoc · 20/05/2021 09:52

Films that cover a long day or many days without anyone apparently needing time to eat, wash or go to the loo. Dr. Who springs to mind. Where is the loo on the Tardis?

terrywynne · 20/05/2021 09:52

Also nobody, in any genre ever makes proper arrangements! "Dinner tonight?" "Sure" "great". Where?? When?

Lilaetlilas · 20/05/2021 09:52

@Annoy

People arrange to meet but never say where or when
God yes this drives me mad!
Zzelda · 20/05/2021 09:55

Couples who have L-shaped bedding that covers the man up to the waist but goes up to cover the woman's boobs.

DamnTheseElectricSexPants · 20/05/2021 09:57

There's only one type of beer at a bar and it's called, "beer" and is seemingly free since nobody ever pays.

Thatisnotwhatisaid · 20/05/2021 10:01

Airport scenes. There’s just no way anyone would get through the security, ever.

Also when they say ‘meet you at x place tonight’ without giving a time, guessing they just wait around from 6pm onwards and hope for the best?

Mrsfrumble · 20/05/2021 10:02

Giving birth 5 minutes after your waters break, with about 3 contractions and 2 pushes. There is no umbilical cord or placenta to deliver. Mother barely breaks a sweat, and sometimes doesn’t even need to take her knickers off.

Bananarama100 · 20/05/2021 10:03

Haha @DamnTheseElectricSexPants reminds me of going to my first pub aged 16... group of 4 of us, dressed up to the nines, tottering into a proper old man's pub and asking for '4 pints'.

We'd only ever seen drinks being ordered on Eastenders/Corrie and that's what they all used to say 😂😂

Mrsfrumble · 20/05/2021 10:04

And CCTV footage is so high definition that you can zoom in to see the reflection in the villains sunglasses.

TheWeeDonkey · 20/05/2021 10:08

People who are apparently skint living in huge apartments / houses in the city.

Parents cooking massive extravagant breakfasts only for their kid to pick up a piece of toast before rushing out of the house.

People who have been gravely ill in hospital, in ICU or in a coma apparently recovering completely within days. No need for any kind of recuperation or rehabilitation.

Fight scenes were. 1, the bad guys queue up to scrap with the good guy. I've seem brawls it really doesn't work that way. 2. People walking away from life changing injuries.

ChessieFL · 20/05/2021 10:09

Women always have sex in their bras.

terrywynne · 20/05/2021 10:09

@Mrsfrumble

Giving birth 5 minutes after your waters break, with about 3 contractions and 2 pushes. There is no umbilical cord or placenta to deliver. Mother barely breaks a sweat, and sometimes doesn’t even need to take her knickers off.
Yeah NCT classes were quite a shock Grin (Not from a family/friendship group with many babies so really had only seen film births with waters breaking and then the mad dash to hospital)

CPR has always bugged me because a) technique is usually incorrect and b) it gives an incorrect impression of when CPR works, the survival rate, and the ability of the CPR to cause the person to come around. People think you just have to do CPR and it will be ok but if I remember correctly the success rate is really low, it only works on particular types of cardiac event (Not a Dr so can never remember the details of that bit!), and the person won't revive as you are just keeping blood pumping until the ambulance gets there with defib etc.

Love51 · 20/05/2021 10:11

@Frazzledfranny

Credit cards that open doors by shoving them in the gap.

Chairs under door handles to stop the door opening

A piece of wire in the door lock to open it.

All I’ve which I’ve tried and never work ...

You could get around my university halls with a credit card or, more commonly, a Sainsbury's nectar card (we didn't want to risk scratching our bank cards). It made locking your door completely futile but as we didn't have expensive possessions we didn't really care.
PaySeeWhiTa · 20/05/2021 10:14

People being rendered unconscious by traumatic brain injury/mystery injection/magic potion on cloth and don't need their airway protecting or any kind of medical support or care.
Same as people in ITU in comas etc with no tube.
10 seconds of gentle CPR before miracle recovery/calling time of death.
Negligence suits all over the shop and a public misguided on what CPR/ITU involved. Grrrrr!

JackieTheFart · 20/05/2021 10:17

@IrmaFayLear

Masses of henchmen are slayed left right and centre and nothing about it ever makes the news and neither do they have families who make enquiries.
There was a bit in one of the Austin Powers movies about this, “will nobody think of the henchmen?!”

I think about that often in action movies Grin

ShopTattsyrup · 20/05/2021 10:22

@Lovelanguedoc

Films that cover a long day or many days without anyone apparently needing time to eat, wash or go to the loo. Dr. Who springs to mind. Where is the loo on the Tardis?
To be fair to the doctor - he has a swimming pool and a library so I feel sure there's a toilet hidden in there somewhere! Wink
JackieTheFart · 20/05/2021 10:23

Mine are those films with a female detective who gets called in the middle of the night, she’s up and out looking bloody flawless despite being in a deep sleep 3 minutes ago.

Having said that, it only occurred to me recently that most people don’t wake up with their faces sagging to their knees and red blotches everywhere - I always thought this was normal until my rosacea diagnosis!

But still, I always imagine they have a bit of a smelly armpit thing going on to make myself feel better Grin

Thewiseoneincognito · 20/05/2021 10:23

You think people would watch if it wasn’t that exaggerated? TV and Film create extreme ideals to cover a huge range of emotions in a small block of time. Sometimes you just have to suspend your cynicism and immerse yourself.

JackieTheFart · 20/05/2021 10:24

@accentdusoleil

People can work out other people's passwords to work computers within the three attempts or it's written on a piece of paper stuck under the desk

I can't even remember my own passwords never mind work out someone else's

I have an excellent ‘hack’ for you.

Have the same password for everything and write it down under ‘passwords’ in an address book.

Absolutely foolproof I tell you WinkGrin