Stuff that works again and again in books and films but wouldn't happen in real life

[StealthPolarBear]

Terrorist attack? Biochemical attack? Pandemic? You (as president) need to bring in a maverick against the advice of all your advisors and anyone with half a brain.
If male, they must live in their mum's basement and wear band t shirts. If female, they must be hot and geeky, and maybe have a bit of a hazy past.
Go and put your feet up. Sorted.

The truly inspirational teachers always teach English, never Maths or Science.

Talking of geeky girls,all she has to do is remove her glasses.
And Hey presto she's a hottie.

People fall off roofs, out of windows, and over cliffs.... And hang on to a tiny projection by their fingertips.
They are then pulled to safety by HERO without pulling him to his death or dislocating their shoulder.

I’m currently reading crime fiction.

When the detective goes to someone’s house THEY ARE ALWAYS IN. I mean, irl they’d knock, no answer, try the neighbour, no answer. Eventually find a neighbour who doesn’t know where they are or when they’ll be back.

It’s just all very convenient. And mobile phones are always answered.

I've always found "follow that car, don't lose it but don't be seen" the most implausible.
I've tried to follow friends driving ahead with them doing their utmost to keep us together and it's well nigh impossible. Someone cuts in between you, a bus blocks the traffic lights etc

Labour always starts completely without warning with an agonising pain that doubles the pregnant woman over, clutching her stomach. No tedious period of 'this might be it... or maybe it's just a sore back,' always full-on, ready to push contractions, 30 seconds after her husband has left the house.

You are shot by a trained assassin and left for dead but 10 mins later when he is taking his inexplicable time deciding whether or not to shoot your friend at point blank range, you tiptoe nimbly in, head dripping and whop him over the head with a table lamp which leaves him stone cold while you steal his gun and run for it.

Women are senior hospital consultants/QC barristers/cabinet ministers with university-age children but the actress playing them is 36.

Detectives conduct 14-hour surveillance ops from their car but never have to go to the toilet.

Despite the scary level of crime in America, nobody in a US sitcom ever locks their door.

@BruceAndNosh

I've always found "follow that car, don't lose it but don't be seen" the most implausible. I've tried to follow friends driving ahead with them doing their utmost to keep us together and it's well nigh impossible. Someone cuts in between you, a bus blocks the traffic lights etc

Yes, this, and following known crims to a deserted woodland/lock up unit and parking 10 metres away from them never arouses any suspicion at all. They always have randoms parking close to their nefarious activity dens.

Everyone will always trust the villain, apart from one person who will then spend their days stalking them and trying to catch them out. The villain will then hug someone and smile in an evil way over the shoulder of the hugee at the one who suspects them .

Lost your job? Never mind, there’s a new cafe/nail bar/hairdresser/garage opened up! You’re not qualified? Not a problem in TV land!

Live on the outskirts of Manchester/Chester/London/Liverpool? Don’t bother going there to work/shop/eat/drink/party/university. Everything you need can be done within 200 years of your front door.

That you can be tied to a chair with just a couple of bits of rope and can't escape. Have tried it with a group of people whose profession is basically day in day out of complex ropework and knots. Every setup can be escaped in seconds. The only on inescapable scenario we came up with required 30m static rope and we didn't get the chance to finish it before we had to untie because the person being tied up's hands went purple. It's just an absolute myth that it can be done!

@Frazzledfranny

Credit cards that open doors by shoving them in the gap.

Chairs under door handles to stop the door opening

A piece of wire in the door lock to open it.

All I’ve which I’ve tried and never work ...

To be fair, I was once locked out and managed to break into my own house by using that credit card trick which I'd seen in rubbish movies! I was quite impressed. Then changed the Yale locks for Chubbs.

Being able to afford to live in a cute cottage in the Cotswolds while running an antique shop that specialises in obscure furniture or something and would in real life barely ever sell anything.
Also see the settings up a cafe with no relevant qualifications or knowledge and it becomes the most popular place in the Cotswold village despite there being a Costa in that mega Tesco 3 miles down the road.

@Timeforabiscuit

Building plans!

Every largish building, always digitised, highly detailed and easily available with electrical, drainage and airducts to boot!

I blame Star Wars for this one!

Car chases abound, often without notice and at the drop of a hat.

Yet nobody ever has to hurriedly stop off at the petrol station, do they?

Moving back to your home town and finding a hunky boatbuilder/carpenter/builder (but who used to be a human rights lawyer) and who also has a golden retriever.

Also if there is such a prize bloke in the town, why has he not been snapped up already?

I remember Chloe and the “schematics” in 24. Yes, every single building had a fantastic map of the air vents. And, come to that, why are the vents so clean in films? Ditto secret passages lying undiscovered for centuries. The doors swing open with the lightest of touches and there is not a cobweb in sight.

*200 yards

One lone cop, always American, can save the world.

@BorderlineHappy

Talking of geeky girls,all she has to do is remove her glasses. And Hey presto she's a hottie.

Yes- but only if she unties her hair! And everyone instantly treats her differently.

The only cop the evil mastermind will speak to gets taken off the case. OMG!

People die instantly, and silently when shot.

It's really easy to kill someone by accident, with hardly any force at all. A push during an argument, a shove at the top of a small flight of stairs, a light tap on the back on the head with a vase and they are no more. It's a miracle the human race has survived!

In American drama, if he speaks with an English accent, he is the baddie. As sure as the cowboy in the black hate being the baddie.

In RL, surely some but not 100%

Children are very well-behaved or invisible. You might need to drop a child off at school with a quick kiss or serve them dinner. But childcare will take about 20 minutes a day and will be really easy.

Women over 40 are all elderly grannies with aprons who love baking.

If you hear someone in your house you never call the police.

People recover from serious illnesses and injuries very quickly. No months or even years of rehab and then being told you have to live with the problems you are left with.

Very beautiful women inexplicably fall for much older men who are not as good looking as them.

Don't worry about being poor in movies. You will still have a large house or apartment and won't have to visibly struggle with paying the bills or buying food.

Your friends are always there for you no matter what.

In spite of two-thirds of people in the UK being overweight, and I think the proportion is higher in the US, there are very few fat people in movies.

@Toilenstripes, yes to the American saving the world. London Has Fallen was the worst for this, IMO. One American bodyguard deciding he was going to fly the president in at a time only known to him, as British security forces are bound to be too inept to keep him safe. No thought that we have experience of protecting the Royal Family, or any other foreign dignitaries that may attend state funerals, royal weddings, state visits etc. Then when things do start going wrong big time, he seems to be the only one who can navigate the streets of London safely, despite the fact that we have people who are trained in security and who live/ work in London.

But the tel things that really drives me mad have already been mentioned: people never paying for things, or on the rare occasion they do, not waiting for their change... just handing over a note and it being the perfect amount. Also the failure to make proper plans of when, where to meet etc and just ending a call by hanging up without saying goodbye