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Original poster

Do you stay with your children whilst they go to sleep?

289 replies

TrainTraining · 20/04/2021 19:51

DS is 16 mo. He self settles really well. He cries a little bit going into bed but soon gets into position and goes to sleep and usually sleeps well for about 10/12 hours. I lie on his floor whilst he goes to sleep and then leave once he is. My partner never does bedtime and said if he did he wouldn't be staying in the room with DS he'd say goodnight and leave. He did this with his two older children. I don't like the idea of doing this but I wonder what is more usual, stay with them or leave them to it?

OP posts:
confuseddotcomma · 20/04/2021 19:53

Yes we stay.
I think either way can be normal and if it works for you then keep doing it. Of it doesn't work for you, time to make a change.

TheStarMachine · 20/04/2021 19:54

Myself or my husband lie with my son while he falls asleep. He just turned 3. It's probably a bit unusual but we just do what we feel most comfortable with.

TillyTopper · 20/04/2021 19:56

No we never did this - we wanted them to learn the skills of settling and putting themselves to sleep.

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OnlyFoolsnMothers · 20/04/2021 19:56

God no! Sorry but I have things to do, my eldest is 3 and we stopped sitting there while she drifted off before she was 1

PegPeople · 20/04/2021 19:56

My Ds is the same age as yours. I do story, cuddles, kisses and then I leave the room. If I stayed he would fuss, chat and try to play.

DisgruntledPelican · 20/04/2021 19:57

I used to stay with DS but stopped at about 11-12 months, when he seemed to prefer being by himself! I used to pat or rub his chest but he got quite irritated by that, and paid no attention to me just being in the room, so now (15mo) I just pop him in the cot, say goodnight and head off. Waiting for the next sleep regression to throw a spanner in this plan.

If you like staying with them then keep doing it.

Aprilshowersandhail · 20/04/2021 19:57

Never ever!!
Story, kiss, leave.
Adding props to bedtime isn't great imo.

usernotfound0000 · 20/04/2021 19:58

Nope! Never have with either DC and luckily they haven't ever needed it.

FindingMeno · 20/04/2021 19:58

I left mine too it by and large.
I did go through a stage of sitting in with them when they were having nightmares though.

Thunderdonkey · 20/04/2021 19:58

No never stayed with mine. Put him down, story, said goodnight, and left.

Original poster
TrainTraining · 20/04/2021 19:59

He knows it is time to sleep and I don't engage with him. I just stay there as I quite like the quiet and listening to his breathing change. Maybe I ought to start to do a retreat. I just feel guilty if I left him.

OP posts:
firstimemamma · 20/04/2021 20:01

Ds is nearly 3 and I stay with him. I love it and so does he.

Missmonkeypenny · 20/04/2021 20:02

I think it depends on the child.

DD 6 was a mythical unicorn baby who slept through from birth. At 16m, she'd have her bedtime.milk I'm a cup, a story and then lay down and go to sleep without me in the room and was never upset.

DD is 16m next week and is still BF for all sleep with me so I wait until hes asleep, transfer and then leave. He will go down for a nap with DH and at nursery without anything other than a bum pat but he's never been left to settle himself and it's not something I'd personally want for my children.

PegPeople · 20/04/2021 20:02

@TrainTraining

He knows it is time to sleep and I don't engage with him. I just stay there as I quite like the quiet and listening to his breathing change. Maybe I ought to start to do a retreat. I just feel guilty if I left him.
It wouldn't matter if I engaged or not my DS would be hypes upjust by me being there. I do wonder what you'd od if you had more than one child? It's honestly nothing to feel guilty about leaving them to develop confident sleeping habits.
Missmonkeypenny · 20/04/2021 20:03

Your baby, your way OP. If you're happy and he is too then nothing else matters

DipSwimSwoosh · 20/04/2021 20:03

Yep.
The 3 year old takes a while sometimes. The 5 year old is out like a light.
The 7 year old I settle in to bed and leave him listening to a book on audible.

4PawsGood · 20/04/2021 20:03

We had patches where we did. We stopped when it got annoying. You could withdraw gradually if you wanted to, move a few cm nearer the door every few days.

MolotovMocktail · 20/04/2021 20:03

My DS is 5 and goes through stages of needing us while he falls asleep and doing it independently. I almost always stay if he wants me to, he’ll likely be my only child and I know it won’t last forever. He’s going through a needy phase at the moment after being a bit unsettled with lockdown and return to school recently, happy to do what he needs to feel secure.

megaann · 20/04/2021 20:03

I still do and my girl is 3 at the weekend.
I kinda like it, however I don't know how I will feel with a newborn arriving next week!

Drowninginwashing · 20/04/2021 20:03

My DS is 2.5 and I stay with him. Most of my mum-friends do the same.

TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN · 20/04/2021 20:04

Your DH is right. It's better to leave. They need to learn to get themselves off to sleep.

As they get older it gets more ingrained that they neeeeeeed you there to go to sleep & they can stay awake for hours!

He first few nights you might need to pop in & out if he doesn't settle, just tell him you need the toilet but will be back in 5 minutes, then go back! . Then tell him you need to do xyz ( whatever he'll understand) you need to teach him you will come back when you say you will.

They understand a lot more at 16 months than you give them credit for!!

Don't worry if he grizzle cries a little bit, than can all be part of self soothing.

If he properly cries, go back lay him down & tell him it's time to sleep then leave. Don't make a big fuss if him. Next & subsequent times, don't cuddle, don't chat, just lay him down & leave.

It'll probably take a few nights (might not though!) but your future self and his older self will thank you for it!

addictedtotheflats · 20/04/2021 20:04

My DP does bedtime and he stays with DS (2) until he falls asleep.

kickergoes · 20/04/2021 20:05

God absolutely not. Kiss and out of there to enjoy our hard earned evening rest with each other!

Northernbeachbum · 20/04/2021 20:05

Yes for my 4 and 1 year olds, i will stop when they ask me to

Matilda1981 · 20/04/2021 20:06

Absolutely no chance! Have 4 aged 9 to 1 so would never have any time to myself or my other kids if I stayed with them until they went to sleep! Youngest is just one - literally plonk her in bed at 6.15pm, give her a kiss and wave night night as I leave the room, next one is 2, she has a quick story then a kiss and I leave her to it at around 7.30pm. Oldest two are 7 and 9 and I go up and give them a cuddle and a kiss and leave them to it!! All sleep until 7/7.30am ish sometimes later!