Do you stay with your children whilst they go to sleep?

[TrainTraining]

DS is 16 mo. He self settles really well. He cries a little bit going into bed but soon gets into position and goes to sleep and usually sleeps well for about 10/12 hours. I lie on his floor whilst he goes to sleep and then leave once he is. My partner never does bedtime and said if he did he wouldn't be staying in the room with DS he'd say goodnight and leave. He did this with his two older children. I don't like the idea of doing this but I wonder what is more usual, stay with them or leave them to it?

@TrainTraining

He knows it is time to sleep and I don't engage with him. I just stay there as I quite like the quiet and listening to his breathing change. Maybe I ought to start to do a retreat. I just feel guilty if I left him.

I do this too. I really like it. We often have a few minutes before DS goes to sleep of cuddles and songs as well. These are some of my favourite moments with him. He settles fine at nursery so I don't worry too much.

There is plenty of literature out there that explains this better, but staying with them doesn't make them more secure it reinforces that there's something to worry about.

There are all kinds of things people do (like audio books etc) that they think help, but in fact they just make things worse for the child long term.

@Missmonkeypenny

Your baby, your way OP. If you're happy and he is too then nothing else matters

100% this

If I had to I would, have to stay with 11 mo for the odd nap when teething but luckily he falls asleep on his own after we leave and if we stayed I don't think he would recognise it's time to go to sleep, he would just want to play!

God no, got shit to do. How will you manage when you have two? I'd ask yourself whether it's something you want to do long term (what works now might not when you have 2+ children and are working full time for example) because I do think it'll be hard to stop if the habit is ingrained after about 18 months.

If you want to stay that's up to you but your dh doesn't have to.

I never stayed with my two. I haven't got the patience.

My cousin does this still. Her son is 6. She now has a newborn so no idea how this is working for her.

My same age DD was sleep trained at 14 months. She switches her own light off now after reading.

I do with my almost 4 year old. She's always been a good sleeper and used to self settle as a baby then the older she got I would have to lie with her. She then started to self settle for a short period just before she turned 2 but that didn't last long. I don't really mind beaches she falls asleep early and quickly. When my children's dad visits I sometimes pretend she's took a while as he tidies up for me so I don't have to come down and do it.

I know I need to start putting her to bed and letting her fall asleep herself but I will miss lying with her.

Don't feel like you have to change anything if this works for you guys, when he's older you'll miss it

Unfortunately yes. Well only one of them now.

I don't mind it too much tbh, we have a cuddle and chat about the day then she's goes sleep within 20 minutes or so.

I would prefer not to though just so I can have some more time to myself in the evenings.

Nope never stayed with any of my 3.

No never have done. Kids are put into bed, tucked in, the lights off and doors closed .

We both have busy jobs and need to work evenings, there just isn’t time to be sitting next to kids while they fall asleep even if we wanted to.

Nope never did this even as newborns - in the week I would have school work to prep/mark so was always keen to put them down and go and carry on with whatever else needed doing.

I think if you have the time then great. But it might cause an issue of you want to go out or away for the weekend.

Christ no. Lots of my friends have ended up spending up to 2 hours a night lying on the floor in darkness praying their children will finally fall asleep. We did milk, bath, sorry, song, kiss night night and then out. Even if he wasn’t going down easily, we’d just go up repeatedly, rather than staying. I don’t mean controlled crying - I mean he’d go silent for a bit, then shout, so one of us would go up and give him a hug. Then downstairs, he’d be quiet for a bit, then call for us again, we’d go up and reassure him, lather rinse repeat. Now he’s six and very occasionally over the last couple of years when we’ve been on holiday or staying at a friend’s, he’s wanted one of us to stay with him, and then I will. But not every night.

Saying all that, if you don’t actually mind doing it, I can’t see a problem with it when he’s tiny. But at some point he should really learn to sleep without someone else in the room.

My son is 2 yrs 3 months and we stay with him. Sometimes it's 10 minutes other time 30 minutes. I don't mind at all really...

My DSs are now teenagers, but used to share a bedroom. We'd stay with them until they were properly drowsy otherwise they would just jump on each other's bed and mess around. They took minutes to fall asleep though so it was never a problem. we did this until they were around 5 I think, then we put them in two separate bedrooms.

We stay. Try leaving and see what happens. I think people with more than one child probably do leave them to it. There’s no right or wrong really.

I stay (DD is 19 months), I’ve perfected using my phone under the cot to do the shopping/admin/social media and it’s very relaxing. Sometimes I also nap

It takes about half an hour (sometimes 45 mins) and she sleeps through after. I don’t do anything, she gets herself to sleep and self soothes if she stirs once I’ve left.

I can’t be arsed with up and down stairs resettling and never leave her to cry.

@TrainTraining

He knows it is time to sleep and I don't engage with him. I just stay there as I quite like the quiet and listening to his breathing change. Maybe I ought to start to do a retreat. I just feel guilty if I left him.

Not being goady - genuine question - why do you feel guilty?

No, never. Deliberately so.

Always left them to fall asleep by themselves unless they happen to have fallen asleep during stories

@TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN

There is plenty of literature out there that explains this better, but staying with them doesn't make them more secure it reinforces that there's something to worry about.

There are all kinds of things people do (like audio books etc) that they think help, but in fact they just make things worse for the child long term.

What rubbish It’s perfectly normal and fine for a young child to want to be close to their caregivers as they fall asleep. I will be the judge of what makes my child feel secure or worried thanks, not some pop psychology nonsense.

Hell no!! Definitely never wanted to get into a situation where I had to stay until they fell asleep. We have a cuddle,put them in, say goodnight, and out we go.

No never have done.Kiss,cuddle,say goodnight and leave.Ds is 7 and we've never had bedtime issues.

Yep!

Not every night. My 3 year old is currently in bed telling me to stay put on the stairs outside his room, so here I am (also 8 months pregnant and my back is on fire!) but I've learnt he won't settle for his dad and if I dare move too quickly he will scream relentlessly.