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Original poster

Do you stay with your children whilst they go to sleep?

289 replies

TrainTraining · 20/04/2021 19:51

DS is 16 mo. He self settles really well. He cries a little bit going into bed but soon gets into position and goes to sleep and usually sleeps well for about 10/12 hours. I lie on his floor whilst he goes to sleep and then leave once he is. My partner never does bedtime and said if he did he wouldn't be staying in the room with DS he'd say goodnight and leave. He did this with his two older children. I don't like the idea of doing this but I wonder what is more usual, stay with them or leave them to it?

OP posts:

MrsJBaptiste · 20/04/2021 21:25

For those of you who sit with your children until they fall asleep, do they specifically need you or just someone to be there while they nod off?

I'm just thinking of when you have a night out and get a babysitter? Or have an emergency and can't be there for bedtime?

Noshowlomo · 20/04/2021 21:26

Used to but stopped when he was about 18 months. He’s now two.
I quite miss it... I used to hold his hand through the cot 😫 he falls asleep on his own now, no problem.

Original poster

TrainTraining · 20/04/2021 21:27

@PinkSkiesAtNight I won't ask but for you. They do grow so quickly. I wonder if one day I'll have blinked and missed it. Those snuggly cuddles are worth everything.

OP posts:

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Megan2018 · 20/04/2021 21:27

@MrsJBaptiste

For those of you who sit with your children until they fall asleep, do they specifically need you or just someone to be there while they nod off?

I'm just thinking of when you have a night out and get a babysitter? Or have an emergency and can't be there for bedtime?

Don’t know yet because of Covid, no-one else has been in the house. DH or me is fine but it’s usually me as DH at work.

PinkSkiesAtNight · 20/04/2021 21:34

@TrainTraining thank you.

@MrsJBaptiste my son is happy with whoever. I'm a single parent so I'm looking forward to sleepovers at his friends in the near future!

SimonJT · 20/04/2021 21:36

@MrsJBaptiste

For those of you who sit with your children until they fall asleep, do they specifically need you or just someone to be there while they nod off?

I'm just thinking of when you have a night out and get a babysitter? Or have an emergency and can't be there for bedtime?

Specifically me, if he does stay at someone elses house he will sleep, but only if he sleeps in bed with them so he would generally go to bed fairly late.

blowinahoolie · 20/04/2021 21:37

Well, DS(5) had to suddenly get used to DH settling him for several nights when I had DS(3) by emergency CS. I still feel guilty even though I shouldn't. DH is also a caregiver within the family unit. I sometimes settle DS (5) and DH will settle the youngest. I honestly don't go out at night otherwise, just a real homebody MrsJBaptiste.

These days will be gone and all this will be over soon enough where they don't want you any more to stay beside them

CruellaDaVille · 20/04/2021 21:38

I thoroughly enjoy the bedtime routine, bath, cuddles, story reading and tucking in.
I wouldn't miss it for the world.
Knowing he has gone to sleep happy and not on his own means the world to me - he is 4.

Phrowzunn · 20/04/2021 21:48

I did with both of mine until they were about one, then made the change to leaving the room while they were awake. I think it’s an important step to take at some point! Just do it very casually, with confidence. Look them right in the eye and smile and say goodniiiight, love you! as you close the door. You’ll feel so free!!

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 20/04/2021 21:52

Made sure not to get into this habit, aside from anything else it would probably cause me go fall asleep for the evening too. If you are happy lying there whilst he falls asleep (and able to stay awake yourself) then it's not a problem.

PixellatedPixie · 20/04/2021 21:53

I still stay with my 6 year old most nights as she asks me to. It’s not something I will ever see myself regretting later as it’s quite relaxing. Her older sister stopped needing me to settle her when she was around 3 or 4. Don’t worry too much about what you think you should do. I know loads of people who still sit with their 4/5/6 year olds.

sHREDDIES19 · 20/04/2021 21:54

Well I still do it with my add and she’s 5😆 Stopped doing it with her elder brother when he was 4 but for her it’s just kept going. To be honest she loves it, I love it, everyone’s happy. To see your little one drift off feeling nothing but loved and cherished is lovely. I have the luxury of time as dh does the washing up, sees to eldest whilst I do this. As with all things, they pass, both good and bad. Don’t stress, but also don’t wish it away.

RebelByLight · 20/04/2021 21:57

For those of you who sit with your children until they fall asleep, do they specifically need you or just someone to be there while they nod off?
No, not really.

I'm just thinking of when you have a night out and get a babysitter? Or have an emergency and can't be there for bedtime?
They're happy to go alone as long as they're certain I'm not with the other one Not been a problem when they've stayed with family.

Amammai · 20/04/2021 22:03

Yes we always stay with my DS who is 3. He is still cuddled to sleep every night by either me or DH. Rod for our own backs? Possibly 😂 But he’s normally asleep within ten minutes and I’m fairly sure he won’t need us to do it when he’s a teenager. He will settle this way for my mum too, that’s the only other person who has put him to bed and that was pre-covid. We’re not desperate to go out fortunately!

New baby on the way who I guess we’ll either leave downstairs with one of us or pop in a sling or bouncer chair in the room whilst we settle DS. Do whatever is right for you.

blueshoes · 20/04/2021 22:04

I did it till ds was 5+. It may seem like a rod for your own back but you will never regret stealing that extra snuggly time with your dcs. What better gift than to shepherd your little one off to dream land and you doze off too. I would then wake up and join dh downstairs for my second wind.

PaperMonster · 20/04/2021 22:09

I used to put mine in her cot and leave and she’d just settle herself; then when she was in a bed I’d have to sit with her. She hated, still hates, being by herself at nighttime. I was the same as a child, but just left alone to be scared and I didn’t want the same for my own child.

giantwaterbottle · 20/04/2021 22:22

Yes we stay. Weird your husband hasn't ever done a bedtime

Blacktothepink · 20/04/2021 22:30

I have 4 dcs and have only done it when ill or with my asd dc when they’ve needed. My friend does this with her ds and is still having to stay and he’s 12! I think you’re making a rod for your own back.

caringcarer · 20/04/2021 22:35

I always put to bed, read story, kiss tuck in. Light off. Go downstairs.

EventuallyDistracted · 20/04/2021 22:38

No, always story, goodnight and leave the room. They have always been really good at going to bed and staying there.

Mamimawr · 20/04/2021 22:43

No, of course not. I have three children, how would we be able to stay with all three until they are asleep. Better not to start.

playeddepaler · 20/04/2021 22:43

@MrsJBaptiste
For those of you who sit with your children until they fall asleep, do they specifically need you or just someone to be there while they nod off?

I'm just thinking of when you have a night out and get a babysitter? Or have an emergency and can't be there for bedtime?

No not just me, they don't actually NEED me, they can go to sleep without me (and have done many times) we just like to be with them. My mum did it with me so I do it with mine. If they have a babysitter I usually put them to bed before I go for the evening. But then again I mostly use my mum as the babysitter Or they just go to bed for the babysitter. If I'm not there then they are ok, they just get on with it.

AnnaSW1 · 20/04/2021 22:43

I stay. They like it and I like it. So why wouldn't we.

oobedobe · 20/04/2021 22:50

Totally depends on your family set up and whether it suits you to do that every night.

But no I never did, I had 2 young DC was a SAHM with a DH who worked very long hours and no family support. By bedtime I was done, luckily I had good sleepers.

I had friends who did this and it lasted for years (up to 10/11 years old), and I find it is almost never the father that is willing to do this, so you might be stuck doing bedtime solo for years.

Disneyblue · 20/04/2021 22:55

No. My little one is 18 months. I put her in her cot, give her her rabbit Teddy, turn on her lullaby thing and walk out of the room.
The kettle calls me!!

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