Do you stay with your children whilst they go to sleep?

[TrainTraining]

DS is 16 mo. He self settles really well. He cries a little bit going into bed but soon gets into position and goes to sleep and usually sleeps well for about 10/12 hours. I lie on his floor whilst he goes to sleep and then leave once he is. My partner never does bedtime and said if he did he wouldn't be staying in the room with DS he'd say goodnight and leave. He did this with his two older children. I don't like the idea of doing this but I wonder what is more usual, stay with them or leave them to it?

Most of the time I put him to bed and leave him there. He's usually fine with this but if he cries then I will go in and lie on the floor until he goes to sleep, then ninja my way out . It's a last resort though.

No way. I was of the opinion that the best thing I could do for my baby was let them learn how to put themselves to sleep.

Not unless they're ill. I've five children and I like an evening out far too much. Luckily mine have all been good sleepers.

I do with my youngest, not with my oldest. We stopped when he was perhaps 6/7

Do what works for you. It doesn't last forever. Stayed with my eldest until she started school - she's now nearly 12 and has managed to get herself to sleep since then.

Currently stay with the youngest (3yo) until she falls asleep - unless there is something wrong, it takes her about 5 minutes to fall asleep with some bed time music. It's far less of a faff than leaving her, then having to go up and down the stairs to send her back to bed.

I remember someone saying when I worried about still staying with my eldest - no one moves out needing their mum singing lullabies to go to sleep, and it stuck with me - it's not forever, so while it works for us, we take turns to do bed and story and wait til she's drifted off to sleep to leave the room.

What works for one family / child won't necessarily work for another - do what works for you.

Mydoglife "So, do you think he would settle fine if you weren't there? Are you doing this for him or you? No judgement just wondering.."

Interestingly a paediatrician clinic nurse said this on a course I attended 17 -18 years ago; Reminding us that it was a two way process, and asking us to consider whether, in this case, picking up to kiss and cuddle the fretty toddler in the wee hours was answering their 'need' or ours?

I did with eldest till she was 3 as i was then pregnant and couldn't sit with her comfortably any more. Youngest till she was 5 but she now goes to sleep on her own.

Never have done and they all go to sleep well. However, do what you prefer. I had two children under 18 months so it wouldn’t have been an option for me anyway.

@cherryblossom999 he has in the past with me, my partner and my mum but then Christmas and lockdown 3 happened and it went to pot. Those days were really hard on both him and me and I worry about going back there. When my work returns to normal I won't always be able to put him to bed. So maybe retreating is a good idea.

@Mydogmylife it's probably more for me in terms of worry and making sure he is ok and for him he is used to me being there but perhaps he wouldn't mind. I don't know until I try I guess. I do like the peaceful time I have with him. And no sadly DP won't atm. Thats a long story and makes me feel bad for DS when DP will have to do bedtime and DS will just be "abandoned" even though I know that isn't true. I do believe he'd leave him to cry for much longer than I would and I feel incredibly guilty for this. I work nights so I am not always here when DS would need me the most.

God, no. Learnt that lesson from my brother. He and his wife were still doing it when his kids were 10 or something - they couldn’t break free. Madness.

I only ever did this if they really wouldn't settle.

No sleep trained from 5months.

First, yes. Second, no. Much better sleeper. Only gets out of bed when absolutely necessary (18 now).

Yes OP, I have the two youngest who share a room (3yo and 5yo). We divide and conquer. DH lies beside the 5yo and I lie beside the 3yo until they both drift off. Saves all the faff of getting up and down all night settling them. Neither of us mind as it gives us some shut eye too🤷

I have 2 year old twins. They are in their own room. Story, kiss & bed. They are in their own room and don’t share. It can take them up to 45 minutes to go to sleep but they just natter to themselves, play with their teddies before falling asleep on their own.

It really depends on your child. DS had a hrd time going to sleep by himself. I stayed with him until he was about 1.5 years. DD always just self settled ever since she was born. But her in bed, kiss her good night and walk out, no issues at all. So with her i didnt stay.

Both have single adult sized beds, so plenty of space to stretch out. When they were in cots, I used to lie beside the cot until they were asleep.

I cuddled DD to sleep until she moved to her big bed at 2.5, then she was happy with story and cuddles abs then falling asleep on her own.

Honestly OP, it sounds like you like doing it so keep going and don’t worry! It might not be for everyone but there’s nothing wrong with it. You’re only going to get to do this stuff once, do it the way that makes you happy.

I had two children. Now I only have 1, who is 5. I stay. I stayed when I had 2 as well. Just did stories with both in DS's room, then transferred DD into my bed after they were both asleep. DS has very occasionally told me to go. But he wants me to stay, so I do. If he faffs about, I tell him I am leaving as I have things to do, and I will come back when he is ready to sleep. He has done that a couple of times, but usually is out within a couple of minutes after lights out. I love that time. It is when he is most snuggly and cuddly. They grow up so fast.

Yes I do. He’s only 1. I pop in cot and he self settles whilst I read in bed opposite. I will probably start leaving him to it if he’s happy soon.

However I do think it’s rubbish people say it’s terrible to need props to sleep with, or they must sleep alone. Do you do that as an adult? I know I sleep far better with dh next to me, with my favourite pillow and in my own bed. Than say when I stay alone in a hotel room without my usual ‘sleep aids’. So why is it different for a child?does it matter if they like the nightlight on, or want someone with them or a special teddy?

I used to sleep alone as a child. And I will sleep alone now as an adult when I need to. But I still prefer the comfort now of falling asleep with someone beside me if I can.

Yes we stay with DS1 who is now 3.5

Sometimes he wants us to stay, sometimes he asks us to leave and will go to sleep himself within minutes. Other times he’s an epic dickhead, like tonight and takes fucking hours regardless of what we do 🙄 (can you tel I’m knackered?)

Have a 4 week old also, and I don’t plan on getting in to the whole sitting with them routine when the time comes for him to actually work out wtaf sleep is.

@OpusAnglicanum

God, no. Learnt that lesson from my brother. He and his wife were still doing it when his kids were 10 or something - they couldn’t break free. Madness.

I know someone who is still doing it and her child is 14. It's not a good situation at all,

I wish I didn't have to. I also have things to do but my 18 month old would scream the house down if not. Even though her big sister is in the same room.

Yes.

No. My DC chatters endlessly to me if I stay and tries to start a party instead of going to sleep.