Do you stay with your children whilst they go to sleep?

[TrainTraining]

DS is 16 mo. He self settles really well. He cries a little bit going into bed but soon gets into position and goes to sleep and usually sleeps well for about 10/12 hours. I lie on his floor whilst he goes to sleep and then leave once he is. My partner never does bedtime and said if he did he wouldn't be staying in the room with DS he'd say goodnight and leave. He did this with his two older children. I don't like the idea of doing this but I wonder what is more usual, stay with them or leave them to it?

@Kintsugi16

Thanks for replying *@Historytoo*

That’s understandable.

There’s a whole thread right here of reasons!

@HereComesATractor

I’m just wondering if it’s mostly for the benefit of the child or the parent.
There’s no need to get defensive.

Haha ok. You’re just too lazy to read the thread then.

@Kintsugi16 So many people have already given their reasons in this thread! For some it's lovely quiet quality time in the evening. For others their particular child seems to really need the extra security and cries & screams if you leave. For others, staying with a small child in the dark to help them feel safe is just what you do, as the default.

I have always stayed with my kids if they need it, but not all of them wanted me there.

All of them have always been fine with babysitters and not made a fuss but the babysitters usually sat with them to fall asleep while little as well.

I still stay with ds, he's 5.6yo. It's what he needs 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have to say, we were one of the families that didn't do that, but now they are teenagers they have taken over our evenings to a much greater extent, needing to be driven here there and everywhere for sports and other hobbies, wanting to chat at 11pm etc. I wouldn't change a thing and we go out without them lots too, but it's not something I thought about when they were tiny. For us it was about forming good habits more than wanting free time but I do agree that each family needs to do what's best for them.

Long time ago but mine always fell asleep with me and/or their dad with them. I can't imagine putting an awake child to bed.

What madness is this? If the child is able to self settle then leave them be.
They may get dependent on someone being there as they get older which will become very tiring.

However obviously understand if the child needs it, but why stay if not.

Nope, I’ve never stayed with mine. We always have the same routine- bath, teeth, clean nappy/pee if potty trained, pjs, drink of water, 2 books of their choice, cuddle and sleep. Never had any issues, never stayed in their room with them.

No, we don't stay. Milk, cuddle, story, bed. She (20months) will chat to her teddies and read a book to herself, then fall asleep.
Books etc removed once asleep.
Since 6 weeks she made us aware she wasn't in need of cuddles to go to sleep. Just wanted to be left alone.

In the morning she will happily play and chat to herself for 30+mins before we go and get her.

If you're feeling guilty about it I'd explore that as that probably isn't quite right.

It's fine to stay if you want to or if they seem to need it and you don't mind. You shouldn't stay if you hate it but think you should/need to.

I stayed with DS1 until he was about 5 and DS2 is 2.5 and we stay with him still.

[quote Kintsugi16]@HereComesATractor

I’m just wondering if it’s mostly for the benefit of the child or the parent.
There’s no need to get defensive.[/quote]
Bit of both, but mainly as it's easier to lie with them for ten minutes (often less) then leave. Job done. Move on with evening.

@foodtoorder

However obviously understand if the child needs it, but why stay if not.

Because when they are little it is nice to BF to sleep, and when they are older it is nice to cuddle.

Also I quite like a nice lie down at 8pm myself.