I am so unhappy and not sure if I need to return puppy to breeder. Can anyone help?

[Notaurewhattodo]

We have had her two weeks. She is delightful at home. Sleeps well, eats well, toileting going well. She is very sweet and family all enjoying her company. Only the usual bites phases in the evening to deal with. She is however very shy out and about. Scared of loud noises. Scared of children. Often refuses to get out of the car if she hears loud noises and I have to lift her out against her will basically as I can’t leave her in the car and we need to go places. I do treat her to ease the process but it’s worrying me.

And I am feeling so overwhelmed by the task of what lies ahead socialising her. We have two children ourselves who she loves but she is scared of their friends. And I am worried this will be difficult for her. She tries to hide from them when they come to visit. How will I ever take her to parks and beaches where screaming kids are running around? Will it be very stressful for her. Maybe she would be better in a home with adults only.

Also I am worried about my own health. I have a mild prolapse which I feel is being impacted negatively by it all. She sometimes refuses to get into car and I have to pick her up and she wriggles around. Also she pulls on the lead at times and I am worried this will not get sorted and I will not be able to manage her and my prolapse will get worse 😕

I am so sad about it all. My children adore her and I feel it would break their hearts to return her. But I do feel maybe we aren’t the right family for her.

Can anyone help me? Please be kind. I feel I can’t discuss with anyone in real life so posting on here.

Considering everything you’ve said about yourself, I am very surprised that you went for a collie as a very first dog.
However getting a trainer on board is a good step and as others have said, puppies are hard work. They really are. The blues are a real thing. And she is a baby who has only known you and your world for 2 weeks. Patience and taking it gently on both of you.

If it helps, for reference, I spent 3 years looking after other people’s dogs, building up an understanding of dogs behaviors/needs etc. I would never have gone for such a high energy intelligent dog such as collie, lab or springer, I went for a King Charles. He is so easy

Lots of harsh responses here.

Puppies are incredibly overwhelming - all the research in the world won't prepare you for how overwhelming and scary it can be!

Collies are, imo, lovely dogs but they need specialist homes. They are prone to nervousness, will herd from a very young age (not great as they often try and herd children, cyclists, joggers and cars), are very noise-sensitive and are very clever, meaning they need lots of time, exercise and stimulation.

Just take your time and do things slowly. It can feel very pressured in the early weeks but honestly, it will be okay. Just work with the dog you have, not the dog you want.

Dogs get scared of things just as humans get scared of things.

I used to walk a 12 mth dog (for a friend) who was scared of paper cups.

Hi. I have a rough collie, now 17 weeks. She is quite noise sensitive and was wary of dogs and people at first. Loves dogs now and now reserved but friendly with people but not ott.

You are only just taking her out. Being picked up and put in and out of the car is normal. It's a long way down and up. They shouldn't be jumping. Let her just sit and watch. So our first road walk we had to stop and watch every car. I picked a quiet time. School gates sounds a bit full on unless you carry her. Just start off slow and quiet and small. Ours is flatly refusing to cross the main road so we are working on that. She is so young yet and if she's good in other ways, I'd keep her. As to your kids friends perhaps just one round who is quieter and calm to stroke her.

When we went out for a little walk tonight she actually seemed like a different dog. All cheerful and keen to say hello to everyone. Walking nicely on the lead. Maybe something else was going on before perhaps she wasn’t feeling well.

In my experience, first time dog owners come in for a lot of criticism. Remember at baby groups, when there were those annoying parents who would ask incredulously "gosh is he not sleeping through yet? Mine is such a good baby. He sleeps 12 hours, plays on his own and is playing mozart on the piano by now". This is a similar situation. Smug dog owners will make comments that unnerve you.

You are learning. You have the self-awareness to ask for help. You have puppy blues. This is all normal.

Dial back your expectations. Treat the puppy like a young toddler. They need regular naps and help to enter new situations (nothing wrong with carrying the puppy, they will feel safer then and the other humans will look less gigantic).

Some dogs are naturally more cautious than others, and with loving support they learn to take things in their stride even if they are never the ones who instigate play with other dogs.

Repeat the exposure to situations with lots of positive reinforcement. Something as simple as holding the puppy in your arms, standing in your open doorway and watching the bin lorry go by, is a good learning experience.

Your 1-1 trainer will help you learn as much as your puppy.

Good luck, and remember: it's your first puppy. Stay aware of your lack of knowledge and ask questions. No-one becomes an experienced dog owner without having a first dog experience.

Essay nearly over. Ask on your local facebook page for recommendations of good dog sitters who offer careful puppy socialisation (not the puppy creche that puts 20 dogs in a barn...). My sitter offers 2 hour sessions of very careful gradual introduction to the adult dogs she cares for who she knows are great with puppies.

Proud dog mum here, my previously very timid dog who would not walk beyond the driveway, took time to socialise but is now an adult, self confident and very caring towards puppies, he teaches them to play and intervenes if he senses another dog is getting too boisterous. These are the dogs you hope to find, to give your pup confidence.

If you are near Cambridgeshire let me kniw, I'll pass my sitter's details to you.

Thank you that is very kind. Unfortunate we are a long way from Cambridgeshire or I would have taken up your kind offer

Get over to the doghouse forum. You’ll get the support you need.

Puppy blues / regret is real

When you see other owners chatting in a group at the park, talk to them (holding your puppy in your arms unless he wants to get down). Chances are one of them will have had a similar situation and may know local places that offer puppy socialisation that's good for intelligent nervous pups.

Collies can be very nervous dogs and not always a first time owners one
I have a collie and even now he has his moments but I we had colljes before so am aware of issues they can have and did a lot of research
We took out dog to puppy training classes and also a one to one trainer who kept collies herself ( border collies )
Some advice of a good trainer will be useful and read up on breed and see if its for you ( ideally before getting, but you aren't the first and won'e be last )

Sorry didn't see you had a collie before

Honestly you are daft to have got such a specialist dog and talking about your prolapse. What has that got to do with anything to do with a puppy?

You clearly haven’t done any research. And you are now complaining about the pup 2 weeks later...

I won’t say anymore but people who do this make me really really annoyed.

People on here are being so horrible.

Get over to the Doghouse, OP, lots of kind helpful people with good advice including about the nightmare of anxiety that very young puppies can be!

Bit of a warning. The vultures will come out to get you with a topic like this.

I had to have a thread deleted on Tuesday because I regimes a dog who bit my daughters face. 😕

Firstly, I think it's fantastic you've decided to get a dog, they are such amazing extra family members and I love that you're committed to positive training.

However, I think you might be a bit mad to have gotten a collie. I've grown up on farms with gun dogs and guard dogs. I wanted something for agility, to go on huge runs with the horses and am really into training behaviours. I got a collie x because a full collie was too intense for me and my life!

I think you should think really carefully about if she is the right dog because she could be a lot of hard work and rehoming a neurotic collie teenager will be way, way harder than popping her back to the breeder now.

It sounds like you want something a little smaller and less energetic? Maybe something spanielly or a lab type? Something a little more well designed for a proper 'pet' life :-)

They all go through phases, she’s normal. Please don’t send her back. 🐶😭

@LadyOfTheRingsS

Bit of a warning. The vultures will come out to get you with a topic like this.

I had to have a thread deleted on Tuesday because I regimes a dog who bit my daughters face. 😕

Rehomed not regimes 😑

Bit of a warning. The vultures will come out to get you with a topic like this.

I had to have a thread deleted on Tuesday because I regimes a dog who bit my daughters face.

Sorry to hear about your daughter. Is she ok?

There’s a bit of a difference between rehoming a dog that bites a child than the situation OP describes.

Eek a collie! Not the best family pets. Super intelligent but with this they also can be completely neurotic.

I know because we are having problems with our rescue collie. And we are experienced collie owners.

You want specialist help and advice from trainers who specialise in this breed.

Also, if you are tense and gripping the lead, then they are stressed too. You can do this - you've got two kids. I think you just got spooked and puppy blues is a thing. Your collie will be fab and the fact that she is fine at home and with her 'herd' bodes well. Gently and slowly.

I haven’t read all 7 pages but have read all of the OP’s posts.
We got a puppy at the beginning of this year. She started off extremely timid. We started off carrying her out of the house and along the road. She’d literally shake and cry when cars drove past or when she heard a loud noise. We just reassured her and kept each outing to a few minutes, slowly building up the time.
She also was scared of other dogs. We arranged one to one training and the trainer brought her dog to our garden and allowed our puppy to approach at her own pace, giving lots of treats.
Our puppy is now 5 months old and has become super sociable and friendly (maybe too much sometimes!) The key was to take it slowly, not pushing too hard, and reassuring her and giving lots of treats.
Don’t expect too much too soon. Puppies are really hard work. We went in eyes wide open and thought we knew what to expect but it’s been even harder than I expected. However, she’s a lovely puppy and all the hard work at the beginning seems to be leading to a happy and confident dog.
Also, I’d advise taking what other people say about their puppy’s behaviour with a pinch of salt. All dogs are different and will develop at different paces, and there’s also an element of competitive ‘parenting’ from some people.

@ivfbeenbusy

And I am feeling so overwhelmed by the task of what lies ahead socialising her.

Honestly what did you expect???????

And the OP has two children.

I hope she is having better luck dealing with their socialisation!

Did they come with a how to handbook and a money back guarantee I wonder.

I love border collies. Give it time. Nearly everyone wants to give their new puppy back at some point.
Also it wont make a prolapse worse. Walking is great low impact exercise that you can still do with prolapse

Branleuse please tell me about your dogs