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Original poster

I am so unhappy and not sure if I need to return puppy to breeder. Can anyone help?

208 replies

Notaurewhattodo · 16/04/2021 10:32

We have had her two weeks. She is delightful at home. Sleeps well, eats well, toileting going well. She is very sweet and family all enjoying her company. Only the usual bites phases in the evening to deal with. She is however very shy out and about. Scared of loud noises. Scared of children. Often refuses to get out of the car if she hears loud noises and I have to lift her out against her will basically as I can’t leave her in the car and we need to go places. I do treat her to ease the process but it’s worrying me.

And I am feeling so overwhelmed by the task of what lies ahead socialising her. We have two children ourselves who she loves but she is scared of their friends. And I am worried this will be difficult for her. She tries to hide from them when they come to visit. How will I ever take her to parks and beaches where screaming kids are running around? Will it be very stressful for her. Maybe she would be better in a home with adults only.

Also I am worried about my own health. I have a mild prolapse which I feel is being impacted negatively by it all. She sometimes refuses to get into car and I have to pick her up and she wriggles around. Also she pulls on the lead at times and I am worried this will not get sorted and I will not be able to manage her and my prolapse will get worse 😕

I am so sad about it all. My children adore her and I feel it would break their hearts to return her. But I do feel maybe we aren’t the right family for her.

Can anyone help me? Please be kind. I feel I can’t discuss with anyone in real life so posting on here.

OP posts:
Whitney168 · 16/04/2021 10:55

@Notaurewhattodo

She is a collie
What kind of Collie, OP? Was she eye tested (difficult at the moment, I realise)?

Obviously you can only do short walks at the moment, but there is nothing at all to stop you wrapping up warm and finding a park bench to sit on. Pick one that isn't too 'in the thick of things' to start with and just sit and let her watch the world go by and get used to noises, movement etc.

It does sound as if she is quite timid - what kind of breeder did she come from? Was she reared in the home? However, I have no doubt that taking things gently you will be able to bring her on in leaps and bounds.

Daisydoesnt · 16/04/2021 10:56

I had been taking her to the school at pick up time but I think that is overwhelming her. So maybe I need to tone down to quieter places

Yes you do! Can you not see how terrifying that must be for her?!

idontlikealdi · 16/04/2021 10:56

I used to take mine for a walk like a babe in arms even after he was vaccinated. Meant we could go further, see / hear more, get used to things.

You are expecting a lot from a 12 week old.

Are puppy classes running again? My vets are doing puppy parties again in the park to help with socialisation. See what's available where you are.

Any reputable breeder would take her back though if you can't cope with her. Did you do any research beforehand? Collies are not exactly a low maintenance breed.

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romdowa · 16/04/2021 10:57

It sounds like you are doing way too much way too soon with a dog that young. Especially one that is nervous. You need to get the dog used to the lead first, then the car. Getting the dog to go in and out of the car without ever taking it anywhere , once it will do that , then you go for a very short drive and build up. Same with socialising it , slow and steady. You are trying to do everything and once and you are overwhelming the animal. Not every puppy is this nervous , some are quite confident. If increasing the dogs confidence is too much work for you then I would return it to the breeder.

TokyoSushi · 16/04/2021 10:58

She's 12 weeks so basically a baby, but puppies are hard and you need to work with them to 'set them up' to be a good dog, but it takes work.

I think you have 2 options here OP, have a little word with yourself, and get on with the training and socialising. Or see if you can send her back to the breeder fairly quickly for another family to take her on.

It sounds like the reality is different to your expectation, maybe this wasn't the right decision for you.

Original poster
Notaurewhattodo · 16/04/2021 10:58

Yes she had all health tests including eyes. She was reared in a family home I am sure of it, not a puppy farm

OP posts:
LetsSplashMummy · 16/04/2021 10:59

Have you got a crate or somewhere she can relax and be left alone?

A collie is not an easy first dog, especially when you are limiting their exercise in the early days. I'd make sure she is getting enough stimulation, and has a place to relax.

We had a rescue that was terrified of everything, a feather blowing in the wind, the telephone, blossom falling from the trees. In about 4-6 months he was fine and after 2y with us didn't even bother with fireworks - he also had more train to be scared, having a bad start- so there's hope, honestly, but it'll take effort.

Original poster
Notaurewhattodo · 16/04/2021 11:00

I do have plenty time for her to put in

OP posts:
GlutenFreeGingerCake · 16/04/2021 11:02

Not everyone is a dog expert at birth but I think you got people riled up by suggesting taking the puppy back, but at least you are being honest and asking for help. There are plenty of dogs around with problems because their owners didn't do that. I would say a collie is a very sensitive breed and they can be a lot more nervous than some other dogs like Labradors but on the other hand they are often very intelligent and easy to train once you know what to do. It's great to get a good trainer to help you and maybe join some online dog groups for advice.

Sarahlou63 · 16/04/2021 11:02

Can I ask why you chose a collie? They are high energy, intelligent dogs that need a lot of input, masses of exercise and mental challenges; otherwise they can become neurotic and develop bad habits.

Whitney168 · 16/04/2021 11:02

@Notaurewhattodo

Yes she had all health tests including eyes. She was reared in a family home I am sure of it, not a puppy farm
That's a good start then.

What breed of Collie?

1starwars2 · 16/04/2021 11:03

Collies are twitchy. The 1 to 1 trainer you have arranged is a good idea. It is totally reasonable for her to be scared of new things.

Howmanysleepsnow · 16/04/2021 11:03

Mine was scared of loud noises at 12 weeks, and of yappy dogs. She’s 16 weeks now and fine (though she glances at me to check I’m relaxed if fireworks go off on our walks). I started walking down our road, nowhere else, until she got used to being out, cars passing and people. I used to ask people if their dogs were friendly and, if so, if they’d mind bringing them to say hello, until she was confident to walk towards them.
Then I changed the route daily and deliberately walked her by the main road/ past houses where yapping dogs lived/ past the school playground/ by roadworks. I didn’t make a big deal of it, just chatted away calmly to her the whole time.
I spent time teaching her to walk to heel etc in the house with treats and also on familiar/ quiet routes. Now we’re focusing on walking to heel off lead past people/ dogs rather than approaching unless I tell her it’s ok: she’s so confident she’d approach anyone if I let her!

Veterinari · 16/04/2021 11:03

@Notaurewhattodo

Use this checklist to score her responses to socialisation experiences and track her progress

drsophiayin.com/app/uploads/2015/12/Socialization_Checklist.pdf

Where is your pup from? What were her parents temperaments like? What breed is she? Understanding this will help to determine if her nerves are part of her personality or just the normal developmental phase

Scbchl · 16/04/2021 11:04

Sounds like every puppy I have come across.

Original poster
Notaurewhattodo · 16/04/2021 11:05

She is a border collie. I have had one before but not from a puppy. We are a very active family so thought she would fit with our lifestyle

OP posts:
crackersncheeeeese · 16/04/2021 11:05

This is pretty normal for a young puppy, and you need to ease her into things gently without overwhelming her.

Traffic - it can help to just spend time sitting on a bench somewhere with her, just watching the cars go by. I always start somewhere fairly quiet and build it up to busier roads.

People - don't try and force her to interact with people. Now that lockdown is easing, let people come into your garden and just sit quietly, let her go to them and sniff round them, keep it low key and gradually build up her interactions.

Speak to a local trainer about classes, they should be starting up in person soon, so get her booked in.

It can be very daunting having a new puppy (like having a new baby) it's important not to expect too much from her and take things at her pace. You can't just immerse them in busy family life and expect them to take it in their stride.

Gubanc · 16/04/2021 11:05

@Sarahlou63

Can I ask why you chose a collie? They are high energy, intelligent dogs that need a lot of input, masses of exercise and mental challenges; otherwise they can become neurotic and develop bad habits.
Well... this is what OP is doing and clearly not what's needed at the moment.

Dare someone ask for advice here.... noone ever is a 'good enough' dog owner if they ask for advice.

LudoBear · 16/04/2021 11:06

What breed is she? As in, is she a big puppy or tiny puppy? My mums 5 month old chihuahua is nervous of things he hasn't seen before. It's normal. Its a fine balance between fussing over a puppy to reassure them and fussing too much that they start to worry that something is scary.

WombatChocolate · 16/04/2021 11:08

To some degree your opening post makes me wonder why you got a puppy.

You seem to have a lot of issues going on already and have just added a significant extra responsibility to the list. It could just be a case of early anxiety which probably everyone feels to a degree with a new puppy like they do with a new baby and yo7bwinder what you’ve got yourself into, but there is a difference between these kind of worries and the reality of a puppy being far too overwhelming for the life people already lead. The latter makes me annoyed and unfortunately there’s been a it often it in lockdown - people buying puppies because ‘it will be lovely’ without nearly enough research or consideration given to the realities into the long term, especially once lockdown is over and what you have to be able to do to give a puppy a good home. Too many are going back to the breeders, not because there is anything wrong with the puppy but because those people just should have never got a dog.

GreenSlide · 16/04/2021 11:09

Border collies are probably the most intelligent breed of dog - with that comes multiple issues as others have explained. Of course your dog is a bit more timid than Sharon down the road's cheerful and friendly pug or cavalier, they're happy to be companion dogs.

If you can't cope now I think I would think about rehoming her because life with a border collie isn't ever going to be a piece of cake - she's going to need so much input, plan to take her to agility etc

Original poster
Notaurewhattodo · 16/04/2021 11:11

Sorry the only reason I am considering if she isn’t right for us is because I want to do the right thing and for her to be in a home that suits her. And I am aware rehoming at a young age is easier than in a months time.
But you have all reassured me a bit. Off to sit in a quiet park just now

OP posts:
BrownEyedGirl80 · 16/04/2021 11:12

If you don't want her ill have her

FishWithoutABike · 16/04/2021 11:12

You getting a really hard time here. I don’t think the stuff you read can prepare you for the reality and anxiety of puppy ownership. Many people really struggle and the ‘puppy blues’ is a huge thing. Like kids I think all puppy’s are different so people saying it’s normal is only half true, many pups don’t have the shyness your describing. FishPup was so timid at 12 weeks he growled and snarled at children on his first school run. He is 5 months now and is a different dog. He is still a little wary of strangers who approach him suddenly but has become very confident with dogs and loves everyone once he knows them. We thought there was no way our children could have friends round and we would never be able to leave him with other people but we can now.
We got him a dog walker and sent him to puppy socialisation classes so even though our mixing was limited he was still meeting people.
My advice is get a pocket full of chicken and cheese and go and sit on a quiet park bench and offer treats and reassure her (Don’t put her on you knee). Give her the treat when she looks at you after a person/dog has walked passed. Reward when she disengages. The theory is when she sees something scary she’ll think ‘ooh I get treats for this’.

FishPup also used to get spooked by all sorts of random things. I think most puppy’s are like that sometimes.
I’m worried about the future and how FishPup will be as an adult dog but so far he is doing amazingly. He’s recall is great because he looks to us when he is worried.

SummerWillow · 16/04/2021 11:14

We have a border collie and a collie cross, both rescues. The breed is naturally quite neurotic at times so I think your puppy's behaviour is very normal at a young age. However, lots of socialisation is absolutely vital done in a sensitive way to your own dog.

Breed specific reference books are very helpful.
"Collie Psychology" by Carol Price is an absolutely brilliant book imo and includes lots of detail in how to socialise your border collie puppy.