I am so unhappy and not sure if I need to return puppy to breeder. Can anyone help?

[Notaurewhattodo]

We have had her two weeks. She is delightful at home. Sleeps well, eats well, toileting going well. She is very sweet and family all enjoying her company. Only the usual bites phases in the evening to deal with. She is however very shy out and about. Scared of loud noises. Scared of children. Often refuses to get out of the car if she hears loud noises and I have to lift her out against her will basically as I can’t leave her in the car and we need to go places. I do treat her to ease the process but it’s worrying me.

And I am feeling so overwhelmed by the task of what lies ahead socialising her. We have two children ourselves who she loves but she is scared of their friends. And I am worried this will be difficult for her. She tries to hide from them when they come to visit. How will I ever take her to parks and beaches where screaming kids are running around? Will it be very stressful for her. Maybe she would be better in a home with adults only.

Also I am worried about my own health. I have a mild prolapse which I feel is being impacted negatively by it all. She sometimes refuses to get into car and I have to pick her up and she wriggles around. Also she pulls on the lead at times and I am worried this will not get sorted and I will not be able to manage her and my prolapse will get worse 😕

I am so sad about it all. My children adore her and I feel it would break their hearts to return her. But I do feel maybe we aren’t the right family for her.

Can anyone help me? Please be kind. I feel I can’t discuss with anyone in real life so posting on here.

Two weeks is not long and if she is settling in and fine with your own children it bodes well for the future. Plenty of handling and interaction at home will build confidence. Have you got her fully inoculated at this point? I’d suggest going somewhere that is busy and where you can let her play off the lead. Off the lead time will help her to get used to being away from your home and less anxious when out abs about. I was nervous walking ours at first and she definitely was able to pick that up through the lead.

She is a collie

@Notaurewhattodo

When we go out for walks she often stops and refuses to go any further as she is scared of for instance a rubbish bag at the side of the pavement. I guess she doesn’t know what it is. Is this normal?

Very normal. Try taking her to places with less noise and people around. It's more about sniffing and seeing new things than actual walking.

In fact, a 12 week old puppy shouldn't be walking very far at all

Somewhere that is Not busy !

This is classic puppy blues. I promise it gets better.

Also at 12 weeks the pup shouldn't really be out and about too much, and certainly not on the ground walking as she probably won't have had all her vaccinations yet I believe. Puppy classes will start again soon, get booked in for those and start the socialisation then. Socialisation doesn't mean that she has to be best mates with every dog she meets, it simply means learning doggy manners and also it trains you to read the signs that she's not happy and what action you can take.

With regards to being out on a lead, pulling is also normal. Harnesses can encourage pulling, especially in larger breeds. Try and encourage lead and collar using treats and stopping the minute she starts pulling. Reward nice heel walking with kind words treats.This is a long process but worth it! Everything you describe in your post is normal, please try not to worry don't expect too much of your pup at these early stages.

Having a timid puppy is way way way better than having one that charges, jumps on everyone and constantly on the run.

She’s a baby! Don’t act worried or feel problematic when trying to introduce her or when people are around, act normal and confident as she will feed from your emotions.

Lots of treats and praise. Give others treats to give her, she will soon think meeting others means a treat is coming!

Mines two years old and still runs fire when there is a loud noise or really sudden movement- better than a dog who sees everything as a danger and attacks rather than runs!

I have booked a one to one trainer for next week who will also do some puppy socialisation with her with the other dogs she trains

You could start playing those 'noise' cds to her at home so it won't be all coming only when on a walk. start them at a lower volume and gradually increase. (these might be on youtube as well)

Her stopping... are you sure she's not just tired? How big is the puppy/how long are the walks?

Everything is new to her. This is why dogs need socialising so they can get used to the world. Did you read anything about puppies before you got her?

I’m wondering if this can actually be real.

Yes we do have a noise cd already. But thanks I appreciate helpful suggestions so please any more would be lovely.
The walks are 5 - 10 minutes long.

The first time I took our dog out (we got her a little later, she was 16 weeks), she was totally freaked out by a large dog who came to say hello but was a bit overbearing. On the way she saw more dogs and barked and owner asked me to cross over. I got home, shed a few tears (not like me) and told DH I had broken the dog.

She’s nearly 12 now and none the worse for that incident as did loads of socialisation and if anything she became over friendly . She has a bit of a fan club on walks, people know cross over to see her.

Really early days yet, yours is still so little. It will be a lot of work but that’s puppies for you and the reason I am never repeating the experience! Someone said you get out what you put in and with a few exceptions I think this is very true.

I am glad you are all saying this is normal. I did read a lot about it before but I suppose it’s a bit like getting a new baby. You think you know but the reality is a lot different.

What breed of dog is she?

Sounds like she is completely overwhelmed, it's understandable that she would be scared of loud noises, loud children etc. Could you step things back for her a little? Have your children play calmly with her, maybe introducing one friend as the weeks go on, rather than a houseful of boisterous kids. Same with car journeys, can you take her out in the car to somewhere quiet, go for a little walk, back in the car, all positive, nothing scary. Little steps.

She's just a baby, and for her initial socialisation period her experiences should be geared towards her, introducing her to the world gently. Puppies are hard work!

Ultimately though if you don't feel that you can give her the time and attention needed now, then now is the time to seek out a new home for her rather than wait another month or so. The socialisation period is critical to the development of the personality of the adult dog she will become. Any reputable breeder would be happy to take the puppy back and rehome themselves. Where did you buy her from?

If not possible to return her to the breeder I would contact the breed welfare charity and see if they can help. Please don't advertise her for sale on gumtree or the like.

Puppies are hard work. Really hard work. You need to accept that it’s going to be shit for a while and work through it. Do the research, put in the work and it will be worth it.

My pup was terrified of everything that's the whole point of socialisation in this period. You need to expose the pup gently to loads of things. I had to carry mine in town he was terrified of cars, people etc.
Interestingly he is suspicious of horses, motorbikes coming up behind the car and men in hats I didn't socialise him with those so it really is that specific. Postman, bin man, cows etc we went out and met in that socialisation phase and he is perfect.

Take it back right now.

Never get another dog.

Be ashamed of yourself.

I got her from a breeder who specifically said to me that if I couldn’t look after her for any reason to please return to them and they would rehome her.

OP you do know that at 12 weeks she shouldn’t be walking more than 15 mins a day in any case? I wouldn’t even look it as a walk - it’s more a very steady bumble about to look at the world, have a sniff, maybe meet somebody and say hello. Your dog is totally reliant on you for everything - and that includes confidence and reassurance that the world is a safe, good place to be.

Do you have a DP at home with whom you can talk about your worries? You sound very anxious about it all.

Is this real???

Op you need help and quickly. Have you seen a trainer? If not, get her booked in for 1-2-1 if nothing else. It’s going to take weeks of gentle training. The whole world is scary for her and she needs you to help her understand it all. And you need to take it slowly and make every interaction positive. Pick one thing at a time to work on.

Please don’t have your children’s friends running around and bothering her. It needs to be handled in a kind way. You’ve got a highly intelligent dog and handled badly, the pup could end up with behavioural issues. A collie does not make for a dog first dog but you’ve committed to her now so you need to do what’s right by her and step up. Books and groups will only go so far. You need dog training will an actual trainer now.

I had been taking her to the school at pick up time but I think that is overwhelming her. So maybe I need to tone down to quieter places.

@Notaurewhattodo

When we go out for walks she often stops and refuses to go any further as she is scared of for instance a rubbish bag at the side of the pavement. I guess she doesn’t know what it is. Is this normal?

Walks?

She’s 12 weeks old. She should only be getting 5 mins exercise per month of age, so only 15 mins at the moment.

So this could mostly be in the garden in three 5 min slots.

Give her a chance, she’s a baby, you’re expecting too much too soon.

Some puppies are more timid than others.

When your children’s friends are over, teach her to go on her bed and that the children aren’t to bother her on her bed. She’ll come off her bed in her own time, if she wants to.

Socialise her. Take her to a pub garden. Walk her round the park. Take her everywhere you can think off. If you have a market near you, have a walk round there with her. When she’s encountering something new that she’s unsure you can use treats as positive reinforcement when she inches closer to the thing. Use an encouraging tone but don’t baby her. Don’t pick her up and coo at her but say “that’s a good girl, look nothing to be scared off, if that’s a good girl” and treat.

Lifting her in and out the car, she’s too young to jump at the moment and will be for some time. You can get steps and ramps that fold into the car. Put those in the house, let her sniff them. When she goes near, praise and reward. Then move the ramp to the car. When she goes near it, praise and reward. When she’s comfortable with the ramp you can use a treat to get her up into the car. Just take it slow and if she goes back a step, just go to the step before that and build up again.

This is excellent advice:

Sounds like she is completely overwhelmed, it's understandable that she would be scared of loud noises, loud children etc. Could you step things back for her a little? Have your children play calmly with her, maybe introducing one friend as the weeks go on, rather than a houseful of boisterous kids. Same with car journeys, can you take her out in the car to somewhere quiet, go for a little walk, back in the car, all positive, nothing scary. Little steps

Yes I have booked one to one lessons already

She’s a baby and in two weeks she’s already had a lot new things. New home, new family, new noises, new smells. I would probably be a bit scared too and I’m not a 12 week old puppy.

I second the sling if you can and the sitting on the doorstep to hear road/people noises if you live in a busy area or tv noises if not.

She’s new to all of this, give her a chance.