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Original poster

I am so unhappy and not sure if I need to return puppy to breeder. Can anyone help?

208 replies

Notaurewhattodo · 16/04/2021 10:32

We have had her two weeks. She is delightful at home. Sleeps well, eats well, toileting going well. She is very sweet and family all enjoying her company. Only the usual bites phases in the evening to deal with. She is however very shy out and about. Scared of loud noises. Scared of children. Often refuses to get out of the car if she hears loud noises and I have to lift her out against her will basically as I can’t leave her in the car and we need to go places. I do treat her to ease the process but it’s worrying me.

And I am feeling so overwhelmed by the task of what lies ahead socialising her. We have two children ourselves who she loves but she is scared of their friends. And I am worried this will be difficult for her. She tries to hide from them when they come to visit. How will I ever take her to parks and beaches where screaming kids are running around? Will it be very stressful for her. Maybe she would be better in a home with adults only.

Also I am worried about my own health. I have a mild prolapse which I feel is being impacted negatively by it all. She sometimes refuses to get into car and I have to pick her up and she wriggles around. Also she pulls on the lead at times and I am worried this will not get sorted and I will not be able to manage her and my prolapse will get worse 😕

I am so sad about it all. My children adore her and I feel it would break their hearts to return her. But I do feel maybe we aren’t the right family for her.

Can anyone help me? Please be kind. I feel I can’t discuss with anyone in real life so posting on here.

OP posts:
BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 16/04/2021 11:16

There have been a lot of tough replies here.

She is a tiny baby and needs to be introduced gently to new environments and things like roads/traffic/potential for sirens etc. Small things sitting down for a couple of minutes on a bench or a wall with her in your lap, feeding her treats as traffic goes past will soon help her learn that road noise isn’t a scary thing.

I recommend the puppy support threads on here, they are great. Smile

currahee · 16/04/2021 11:17

Depending on your dog’s breeding, this is the type of dog you have probably purchased. It sounds like your expectations are very different.

Original poster
Notaurewhattodo · 16/04/2021 11:18

Thanks I have carol price book already. I really am trying to do everything right. I knew this post may bring some harsh replies but I was hoping for a few nice ones to help , which I have received a lot of thankfully

OP posts:

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Dogs
JungleIsMassive · 16/04/2021 11:20

I would always recommend no walks for their first week at home. Spend a week indoors and in the garden for a sniff and toilet. That way they have a week to understand that this is there new home. They are safe.
Then it's just a potter up and down the road in front of your house. Making sure to be super proud and happy when home to let them know that you will always come home to your safe space again.

Start small and build on that. I wouldn't take such a young pup in the car. No need.

Make sure she has a safe space at home. That no one else touches or is allowed in.

Hold her when she meets new people for the first week. Let her sniff them and have a quick stroke then remind her she's a good girl.

MegaClutterSlut · 16/04/2021 11:20

My dog started out like this as a puppy, She's 3 now. She's still nervous with unknowns and other dogs but so much better then as a pup. You do have to keep socialising her, she will improve over time but you have to be consistent with it. Shes a baby with so many new things to see and hear, its bound to be scary for her

Original poster
Notaurewhattodo · 16/04/2021 11:22

The breeder told me to get her out and socialise her. Take her on the school Run, take her to pets at home, train station etc.
But maybe we did too much too soon

OP posts:
Summergarden · 16/04/2021 11:23

Hi OP.

You just sound full of anxiety and overwhelm to me. As someone who suffers from anxiety I can imagine myself worrying and stressing over getting things “right” with a puppy and feeling a bit overwhelmed by the responsibility of it all.

But it sounds like you and your family do enjoy having her around and she is in theory a good fit for your family life. You’ve taken a great step by booking 1:1 training sessions, they will help a lot. It sounds like little and often is best for the socialising for now as she’s still very young.

So stay positive, you can do this. You’re obviously taking it seriously as you’ve already bought books and open to booking training etc... sounds like you’re just having a wobble and doubting yourself.

I’m sure in a few months time after the training she will be a different, more confident dog. And as she grows bigger and stronger jumping into the car will be far easier.

Original poster
Notaurewhattodo · 16/04/2021 11:23

I haven’t actually done train station yet. But we did do school run and pets at home

OP posts:
LudoBear · 16/04/2021 11:24

@Notaurewhattodo

She is a border collie. I have had one before but not from a puppy. We are a very active family so thought she would fit with our lifestyle
She will fit in with your family, when she is fully grown. Right now she is a baby who needs to learn about the world around them. Get a sling as others have suggested (5 month chihuahua still uses his as he can't go as far as we can). Take her EVERYWHERE. Garden centres, pet shops, parks to sit on benches. Let people stroke her. My mum had her pup just before lockdown so its been hard to socialise him but every single day he was taken somewhere. If he doesn't like something, such as he was terrified of walking on gravel, we encouraged him and gave treats and then worked on that one thing. If we saw gravel we took him over to it to get him used to it. Now he'll walk quite happily over all floor surfaces.

How old are your children? People think having puppies is a good idea with young children. Completely disagree. Pups need just as much attention as children do. More sometimes.

SummerWillow · 16/04/2021 11:24

I think take it a bit more gently maybe. We got our border collie at 7 months and he had had almost no socialisation and had been harshly treated, and with time he has relaxed hugely in most situations. Follow your dog's cues - it's too much at once at the moment, so just do a little everyday would be my suggestion, but I'm not an expert! We had a trainer who suggested very gently increasing interactions, starting from a distance. Always accompanied by treats. It worked but takes time. I wouldn't take my border collie on a school run even now though, he'd be freaked out by too many people!

FishWithoutABike · 16/04/2021 11:24

@Notaurewhattodo

The breeder told me to get her out and socialise her. Take her on the school Run, take her to pets at home, train station etc. But maybe we did too much too soon
Many dog will thrive from that and some need a slightly easier introduction. You haven’t done anything wrong.
lancashirelady · 16/04/2021 11:24

Do you know anybody with a calm older dog who you could go on a few meet ups with? Being in the presence of an older dog who isn't phased by anything can often have a positive attitude on a timid pup.

ArcherDog · 16/04/2021 11:25

Pretty much everyone who gets a puppy goes through the ‘omg what have I done/I can’t do this’ phase.

Nothing really can prepare you for raising a puppy.

You’ve had some good advice about scaling back, starting small.
My advice would be to always have pockets full of treats.
Anything she doesn’t like, chuck treats at her.
Then she will associate scary thing=treats.

Pick a quiet park, sit down and reward her constantly.

JungleIsMassive · 16/04/2021 11:25

That sounds like a lot in 2 weeks. Very overwhelming for her.
You have to let her get to know you properly first.
I would say that now go back to very basics. Start again.

wouldukissafrog · 16/04/2021 11:26

Sounds like typical puppy behaviour and she's just left her mum and is settling in with so many changes. It's your job to help her with that

This makes me cross actually, why didn't you give it proper thought before getting her in the first place this is normal puppy behaviour

GingerFigs · 16/04/2021 11:26

I think you need to build her up gradually rather than overwhelm her with school runs right from the start. She's gone from zero to full on and is just a baby. Remember how your children were scared of the hand dryer in the toilets, or balloons bursting etc? Well your puppy is the same. This is all new and you're being unrealistic in expecting her to take it all in her stride (him? her?). Like children, puppies have never seen a bin bag, a car, 40 people and screaming kids at the school gates. Give her a chance. And if you don't think you can then take her back to the breeder and give yourself a slap for being so ridiculous. It's a dog not a soft toy.

bluebluezoo · 16/04/2021 11:26

It is completely normal. I had a mare toilet training mine as anytime there was the slightest noise of bang when we were in the garden he’d run straight indoors and refuse to go back out.

Imo timid is better than one who is super confident. Mine is 3 now and if off lead in parks etc he doesn’t wander off, isn’t tempted by families with picnic calling him over (he’s small and cute), and generally just ignores everything, preferring to stay with me, his safety zone.

Having said that collies can be tricky, if you do keep him get as much support at you can, join training groups, activity groups, walking groups, anything to keep his brain working and stop him getting bored and neurotic.

SunflowerOwl · 16/04/2021 11:28

Agree with much of the advice on here about taking small slow baby steps with her.

We found with ours that treats were our friend and lots of positive reinforcement eg a little treat when a car goes past, a cyclist etc. Wait until she is calm and unfazed with quieter places and people before building up to busy places. Be a constant source of calm and reassurance for her while her confidence increases.

Puppies are hard work but you will get there and it's completely worth it to see them grow into lovely well socialised family dogs and knowing your hard work has paid off.

All the best to you Flowers

HeartsAndClubs · 16/04/2021 11:28

Some harsh replies here.

The reality is that we see puppies as outgoing creatures always wanting to play. And if others who see her are remarkinG on the fact she is very timid then that is going to increase the over thinking that something could potentially be wrong.

Reality is that no-one here can actually tell you whether your puppy is normal or not. They will speak from their own experiences, but every dog is different, and while the way she is may be entirely normal, it also might not be, which is why you’re doing the right thing by getting her seen one to one by an expert who will hopefully be able to reassure you.

And ignore the poster telling you to be ashamed yada yada yada. There’s always one.

BagORats · 16/04/2021 11:29

@Notaurewhattodo

The breeder told me to get her out and socialise her. Take her on the school Run, take her to pets at home, train station etc. But maybe we did too much too soon
I would say that she needs socialising but you still need to look at the dog you have in front of you and be guided by her. She's getting lots of exposure but she's not happy or confident about any of it, so I definitely think you need to take a step back.

I'm sorry you've had some shitty replies on here,its pretty clear you're trying to do the best for your pup

Rubyrecka · 16/04/2021 11:29

Bizarre people get a puppy yet don't do any research on it at all then want to return it when it makes their life hard!!

She's a baby. She's not even used to you yet never mind the completely New things she's sees and hears out and about.

Also I'm not sure why you are leaving her in your car that is not good practice at all.

Maybe stop comparing her to your friends dogs aswell. You quickly forget how hard the puppy stage is when your a dog owner.

Original poster
Notaurewhattodo · 16/04/2021 11:47

I am not leaving her in the car. I do short (5 or 10 minute journeys) in car then take her out for little walk at park or something. The issue is she sometimes refuses to get out of the car.

OP posts:
GingerFigs · 16/04/2021 11:54

Someone made a really good comment about looking at the dog you have in front of you and I think that is key. The breeder will tell you to socialise and friends with pups may be knocking your confidence by saying your pup should be this or that. But they are all different, all individuals just like people.

Dial down what you're doing, get your pup confident in you and build everything up slowly slowly. A friend has had borders for years and last pup was very timid but is now a confident bouncy adult. Just take your time and be happy with small steps. Getting one on one is a good idea. Enjoy your pup!

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 16/04/2021 11:56

Don’t push her if she refuses. Just gently encourage and if she still isn’t interested, go home and try again. Your first few (or more) goes may just be sitting in the car with the door/window/boot open, watching the world and eating treats. She needs to build her confidence in tiny steps.

DarlingWithoutYou · 16/04/2021 11:57

OP, please don't worry. She sounds fine. My pup was the same and now is full of confidence and joy a year on. Just persevere.