I am so unhappy and not sure if I need to return puppy to breeder. Can anyone help?

[Notaurewhattodo]

We have had her two weeks. She is delightful at home. Sleeps well, eats well, toileting going well. She is very sweet and family all enjoying her company. Only the usual bites phases in the evening to deal with. She is however very shy out and about. Scared of loud noises. Scared of children. Often refuses to get out of the car if she hears loud noises and I have to lift her out against her will basically as I can’t leave her in the car and we need to go places. I do treat her to ease the process but it’s worrying me.

And I am feeling so overwhelmed by the task of what lies ahead socialising her. We have two children ourselves who she loves but she is scared of their friends. And I am worried this will be difficult for her. She tries to hide from them when they come to visit. How will I ever take her to parks and beaches where screaming kids are running around? Will it be very stressful for her. Maybe she would be better in a home with adults only.

Also I am worried about my own health. I have a mild prolapse which I feel is being impacted negatively by it all. She sometimes refuses to get into car and I have to pick her up and she wriggles around. Also she pulls on the lead at times and I am worried this will not get sorted and I will not be able to manage her and my prolapse will get worse 😕

I am so sad about it all. My children adore her and I feel it would break their hearts to return her. But I do feel maybe we aren’t the right family for her.

Can anyone help me? Please be kind. I feel I can’t discuss with anyone in real life so posting on here.

This is my worry 😢

I just don’t know what to do for the best. I could persevere for a month or two and see if she settles but it would be kinder for her to be rehomed young

My dog is now 10 and is honestly a perfect dog, she is well trained, confident, so tolerant of the kids and absolutely brilliant. But when we got her she was afraid of her own shadow. She was scared of even being on grass. We sat outside near the road with her on our laps to help her get used to the world, we sat with her on the grass. Puppies are like babies, you need to teach them everything and just need to take things slowly. Let her take an hour to do a ten minute walk if you need to. If she gets scared of some rubbish just stop with her and wait for her to get a bit braver. This stage can be hard work but I promise it is so so worth it to end up with a confident, happy dog x

What kind of dog do you have goldenPhoenix ?

She is a Golden Retriever. It is an easier breed than a collie but I know lots of collie owners and they are fantastic dogs. As they are a clever breed they can be trained to be the most fantastic family pet. This period of socialisation is really important but just imagine your collie is like an alien from a different planet, imagine she hasn't ever seen cars, heard washing machines or seen other dogs, expose her to every experience you can but just do it slowly and with loads of reassurance. If she's terrified just pick her up and cuddle her, speak soothingly and she will get more confident. It's important for her to meet as many dogs as poss, let her go up to them and sniff them (if they are friendly!) so she isn't fearful of other dogs.

Owning your first dog is a learning curve but after just a few stressful months it all becomes much more fun, I promise! Hang in there

She is a collie

The only two collies I've known have belonged to experienced dog owners. Both were incredibly sensitive to noise/movement, probably because they are working dogs who need to be sensitive to these things to be able to do their jobs. Both of the dogs I knew had specialist training and one was sensitive to noise all his life.
I do think you're expecting a lot of a tiny baby of this breed.

She is a lovely dog at home. Dh is enjoying her a lot more than he thought he would and doesn’t really understand my concerns. But it is me that is taking her out so I see a different side to her then

What kind of breeder was she from OP? Mine was a barn dog, her parents were working gun dogs so she was raised in a barn with her brothers and sisters and parents. I don't think she had ever been in a house. She would have been much easier if she had been bred in a home, a good home breeder will do lots of socialisation before you even collect them. If your dog was from a barn or somewhere she will take more socialisation to get used to the world, that is normal in my view

She was from a home breeder. Kept inside a family house

This doesn't make sense to me. You're reserved do you wanted a reserved dog but now that she isn't relaxed and outgoing she's too reserved and you're considering sending her back because of it. I don't think this puppy could get it right for you unless she was wind up.

You wanted a dog like you but if you're reserved and prone to catastrophising you actually needed a dog who was more relaxed than you, one who would not be so sensitive to whatever vibes may you give off.

I adore collies but I doubt this is the last issue you'll have with her. The collies I've known have been gorgeous but...needy, sensitive to noise and sometimes unpredictable when they became overwhelmed. They're not legendary for being great with other dogs, either. I feel you need a dog that collapses in the corner after a walk, not something bred to be continually alert and vigilant. You will definitely have work ahead of you regardless of what puppy you have and I question if it's really a dog you want. They all have flaws.

“CommunistLegoBloc

12 weeks is the fear period. She needs lots of positive socialisation for the next 6-8 weeks. Exposure to noise and new places, + treats. Really you should have done this prior, but have a read of Easy Peasy Puppy Squeazy. Terrible title but a good book that can guide you through this.”

Yes this. The puppy still has a window of opportunity when her brain is receptive to very gradually being socialised.

But she is an animal BABY. You cannot just expect her to face the world in one go.

You have accustom her to many many things a little at a time.

Also she needs a crate/ safe place away from the children.

You need to read about how to do all this. Maybe ask at your vet for the name of a reputable trainer and get help.

Puppies are a lot of work, and owning a dog a great responsibility. But also give a lifetime of the most wonderful companionship.

I apologise as had not read tft.
If she is a collie she will be super sensitive, alert, intelligent, need training and exercise to stop her being bored, perhaps not placid enough for children.

Maybe she does need a new owner who would understand her.

Why on earth did you get her? Rehome her soon with someone who knows how to look after her.

Being around other (laid back, older) dogs will help too. I think my pup is really benefiting from living with my 10yo lab as nothing phases him and I suspect that reassures her.

Bloody hell she's a Collie!! They are wonderful wonderful dogs but they require a huge level of committment, exercise and time.

If you are going to provide her with the life she deserves you need to understand that it is a big time and emotional committment.

Time and commitment is something I do have lots of

@Notaurewhattodo

I just don’t know what to do for the best. I could persevere for a month or two and see if she settles but it would be kinder for her to be rehomed young

Honestly, you haven't broken her or done anything horrendous. You've just taken advice from a breeder that didn't allow for a more nervous dog.

Really ALL you need to do is take a step back. Keep her in your house and garden, play with her in short spurts, let her sleep on you, get used to you. Walk through the house calling her name, so she gets used to following you. You could even start to train sit, down, paw, her, wait etc, find out what treats she really likes, play with her.

Do all of that inside, then in a different room, then with someone else calling her back and forth. Repeat in the garden, alone and then with someone else as a distraction.

And keep her very short wee walks to quiet times, from your door and back again. 5 minutes is enough, remember her paws have to get used to pavements! Repeat all those commands whilst walking, say at a kerb, anywhere you want to have her attention.

Build that up.

Other play would be chewing and leaving a favoured toy, swapping it for a treat - but that's quite a feat at her age (or even 2 1/2 like our Toad). But learning to chew things she is given rather than you or the furniture. Get a few dofferent textures for her to chew.

In a week you'll feel very different, so will she!

And yes to a crate. Some don't like them but a nervous dog may well get a lot out of having a safe space, one that no human ever reaches into! Ours only sleeps in his, but seems to like the safety, the dark (drape a blanket over it) and sleeps almost as soon as he goes in.

Take a deep breath and just start again, slowly. You'll feel far less anxious and so will she!

If it’s making you ill you will not enjoy it snd your puppy will not enjoy it. If it’s not meant to be accept it’s not meant to be. You are not going to be the first person or the last to give up a puppy. Make a decision and you will feel better once it’s done. If she can go back to the Breeder (assuming the Breeder is a responsible person) send the puppy back. If u need more time to think about it set yourself a time. Don’t beat yourself up.

I feel awful to be considering it

@Daisydoesnt

I had been taking her to the school at pick up time but I think that is overwhelming her. So maybe I need to tone down to quieter places

Yes you do! Can you not see how terrifying that must be for her?!

School pick up in the playground etc is bad enough as a grown adult! Let alone being a tiny puppy 😀

I wasn’t actually going in to playground. I was about 30m away in a quieter spot. Still though it was obviously too much

Btw I'd say keep at it. Take a step back with her and slow down the pace a mo. If you have the time and are prepared to do the work she will grow in confidence.

Thank you leibnizqueen

Puppies when out and about need a) for you to be relaxed b) crouch down when they meet someone/some other dog. If you can’t relax Employ a dog trainer to give u confidence and guidance. If you have to let go and return the dog - it really isn’t the end of the world, it’s sad and it’s upsetting but if you can’t relax........

Actually she sounds really clever pup being wary of the world will keep her safe