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Original poster

If you were looking for a new partner tomorrow how many children/mother’s would be your limit?

202 replies

UseMyName · 08/04/2021 22:58

Mine would be max 2 children from 1 mother.

Would not be able to deal with more than 1 ex and set of childcare arrangements.

OP posts:
LifesLittleDeciders · 09/04/2021 12:40

None.

I wouldn’t regime a dog that came with puppy-baggage.

Same applies to men.

LifesLittleDeciders · 09/04/2021 12:40

Rehome, sorry!

lunar1 · 09/04/2021 13:19

Zero! If DH Boggs off I'll be happily single, with an occasional fling with a man or woman who I will never, ever live with or bring into my children's lives.

I have no interest in making my children live a life that is in any way comparable to mine.

FrangipaniBlue · 09/04/2021 13:28

Number of children wouldn't bother me it's the ages - they would all have to the same age or older than my DS13, I'm not doing the children years again!

It would also have to be one mother. I would question whether any man with multiple children to multiple women is the right type of man I'd want in a partner.

hennybeans · 09/04/2021 13:30

0
But realistically, I'm in my early 40s so would probably wait a few years and then try to find someone a bit older with grown DC.

I grew up with step parents, half siblings, and step siblings and I wouldn't inflict that on my DC. It's just too many people's needs to meet in a situation like that.

lightofthetrees · 09/04/2021 13:43

Zero. The idea of divorce and then starting again is horrendous

GoodbyeToCare · 09/04/2021 13:54

Zero for me too.

I have 4 children of my own, my youngest is 15 and no way would I go back to having younger children around.

ShadierThanaPalmTree · 09/04/2021 16:38

I’ve been the child in a blended family as have friends and we all have a very different view than that of the adults.

You also can't speak for every child of a blended family.

AlexaShutUp · 09/04/2021 16:47

I'm sure that some blended families work beautifully, but I know too many cases in which the kids are really struggling with it to ever consider inflicting that situation on my dd. I just wouldn't want to take the risk.

LemonSherbetFancies · 09/04/2021 17:11

I'm really surprised at some of these answers.
Surely if you really love someone you will take on their kids as well? I can't imagine turning down the chance to be happy with a man just because he has kids. As I said, I've never been happier and my man has a lot of baggage.
It's the way you deal with all the challenges that may come about as a couple that make a relationship worthwhile.
I'm not criticising anyone for not feeling the same as I do, just surprised I guess.
I also agree that the older you are, the harder it is to find a partner who does not have an ex wife/husband or kids.

EL8888 · 09/04/2021 17:12

0 for me. Simply can’t be bothered with the hassle

Devlesko · 09/04/2021 17:13

0 If they can't manage the first they won't manage anymore. They are someone's x for a reason.

Devlesko · 09/04/2021 17:14

@LemonSherbetFancies

I'm really surprised at some of these answers. Surely if you really love someone you will take on their kids as well? I can't imagine turning down the chance to be happy with a man just because he has kids. As I said, I've never been happier and my man has a lot of baggage. It's the way you deal with all the challenges that may come about as a couple that make a relationship worthwhile. I'm not criticising anyone for not feeling the same as I do, just surprised I guess. I also agree that the older you are, the harder it is to find a partner who does not have an ex wife/husband or kids.
How long have you been with him? He was someone else's ex for a reason.
LemonSherbetFancies · 09/04/2021 17:15

Now that is not fair Devlesko.

Devlesko · 09/04/2021 17:16

Fair or not, it's true.
How many threads on here from women taking on men with kids, who are surprise surprise useless fathers and husbands.
Some of us just have higher expectations from life.

Bagelsandbrie · 09/04/2021 17:17

When I met dh I had been engaged twice, married once and already had dd aged 5 - we’ve now been together years and years (dd now an adult) and we have one son together aged 9. For us it’s worked out amazingly, we have a very happy blended family and I’m glad he gave me a chance! My first engagement was to dds dad and he was abusive and I left him when she was 6 months old (we’d been together 5 years by then). I then married someone else and had a happy 4 years with him before he ran off with his ex he’d found on Facebook....! I hate that some people would judge me without knowing the full story of what happened just because I’d been married etc before.

But - being honest - and this is weird of me I know - I would never date anyone with kids myself. When I met dh he was 8 years younger than me and I was glad he didn’t have the complicated background that I did. I just couldn’t be dealing with another set of kids / exes etc. If dh and I split up tomorrow (hopefully not!) I wouldn’t date anyone who had children unless they were grown up and living completely independently.

Funfairballoon · 09/04/2021 17:23

@Devlesko

Fair or not, it's true. How many threads on here from women taking on men with kids, who are surprise surprise useless fathers and husbands. Some of us just have higher expectations from life.
Some of us have partners who are very good dad's thanks. Hmm

Not sure you'd say it to a woman with kids from different dad's either. Wonder why that is.

drspouse · 09/04/2021 17:27

If I lost DH and was looking for a new partner I'd only consider adult or VERY independent older teens. I have a colleague who has adult DCs though who behave worse than my 9 year old with SEN. So there's no guarantee. But my DCs are young and needy and I don't think they'd cope with same age step siblings.

LemonRoses · 09/04/2021 17:30

If they were widowed, I wouldn’t mind any number of children. Divorced or unmarried parenting would put me off.

ButtonMoony · 09/04/2021 17:41

@Devlesko

0 If they can't manage the first they won't manage anymore. They are someone's x for a reason.
What absolute rubbish.

So no man should ever consider a relationship with a woman who has ex partners because it was probably her fault? Or are you suggesting it is always 100 percent the man's fault a relationship ends and no women has ever contributed to the demise of a relationship ever?

Frequentflier · 09/04/2021 17:41

Zero. Can't handle other people's children.

Goldenphoenix · 09/04/2021 17:49

I don't think I would rush into another relationship of my DH broke up but would definitely consider a relationship with a guy with kids. IF he was a good dad to them. Biggest turn off ever if he was a crap dad. Also given I have two kids it would hopefully be easier for him to interact with them if he was a Dad himself

Misty9 · 09/04/2021 17:52

I agree with a pp that you don't know how you'll react until it happens - the number of replies from seemingly happily married people skews this significantly I think. Wanting companionship and love is a human basic need, so if you find that (rare after divorce) and they have children...who knows? I'm single and won't blend for all the reasons stated, but I also won't rule out another partnership in the future, just in separate houses. Or am I writing off finding love at age 40? Because there aren't many adults over 40 without dc ime.

dubyalass · 09/04/2021 18:11

My ex had three kids (early teens) and we got on great. I also got on with his ex. He was the problem, just didn’t really care about his kids on the weekends they were at ours, so if I did it again it would only be if the man demonstrated that he was a decent, involved dad who looked forward to time with them.

The number of kids wouldn’t be an issue, but from more than one ex would be a no. I’m the age where kids could be aged anything from 0 to 25 and I wouldn’t further limit an already limited selection of men in my local area by saying they mustn’t have kids.

MeadowHay · 09/04/2021 18:25

I'm married, if we split up I don't think I'd have a blanket ban but I would certainly be more wary of involvement with someone with kids than without. I'm young so if we split up in the near future it wouldn't be difficult to find men who don't have kids anyway but obviously that would be different if I was much older. I am also not sure I would ever want someone moving in with me and my kids and doing the whole step-parent thing. I've seen so many cases of it going wrong and ultimately the children suffer the most when that happens, and I don't think I'd want to take those risks with my own children, I don't think any man would be worth the risk.