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Original poster

If you were looking for a new partner tomorrow how many children/mother’s would be your limit?

202 replies

UseMyName · 08/04/2021 22:58

Mine would be max 2 children from 1 mother.

Would not be able to deal with more than 1 ex and set of childcare arrangements.

OP posts:
Rapunzel91 · 09/04/2021 09:59
  1. I'm a stepmum and my partner and I have a child together. Drama and hostility from the exhaust almost broken us. I wouldn't do it again and if I knew what was to come I would honestly left my partner a long time ago.
FMSucks · 09/04/2021 10:02

0 on both accounts for me too I'm afraid, but then I also don't expect a man to be bothered with me either. I'm late 40s and hoping menopause will completely kill off my libido so I want even want another man!

I would however make an exception for Colin Farrell :)

QuidditchQueen · 09/04/2021 10:06

0!!! Been there, done that and once was enough.
Same here.
Realistically any man I meet pf my age will either have kids or be an eternal kid himself or be gay.

I would potentially date casually but definitely not move in with or mingle finances with a man who has baby mothers.

toocold54 · 09/04/2021 10:07

I’m single and looking.
I’ve always happened to meet men without kids and it’s never worked out as they don’t understand how I don’t have as much free time than them and I also don’t want another child myself, so I’ve been hoping I meet someone with kids from a previous relationship - but going by some of these replies maybe it’ll be best to avoid them!

Dizzy1234 · 09/04/2021 10:07

Done the step parent thing, never again.
My exDP would have a list of wrong doings I had committed through the week, DSD lived with us full time, I think she must have thought I was the staff 🙄
Not hung her clothes up that she dropped on the floor.
Not cooked what she fancied for dinner.
Packed lunch not up to par.
Not cleaned her room to her standard.
Didn't remove her dirty cups, plates etc from her bedroom.
Hadn't changed her bedding.
Not done her washing, clothes that she would put in the wash at night she seemed to expect them to be washed and hanging in her wardrobe in the morning.
I removed my expensive lotions, shampoos from the bathroom as she used them up, family stuff available but she wanted my stuff that I treated myself to.
Hid my perfume and make up as she helped herself despite me asking her not to, that makes me greedy and spiteful apparently.
DSD was 13 when she moved in and 23 when I booted them both out.
And breathe.......

30scrisis · 09/04/2021 10:07

Ideally 0 and that coming from someone with 3 to two dads. Having had two
Previous relationships with men that had children it's really not worth the heartache. Plus my children really don't want other kids around. My last relationship was with a much older man with 0 children and it worked better than any of the others. I'd accept one at a push but they would have to be older. I've done the baby and toddler years with my own children and really wouldn't want to repeat them with someone else's.

Wizzbangfizz · 09/04/2021 10:08

0 on both counts for many reasons!

DenisetheMenace · 09/04/2021 10:10

Can’t imagine being in that situation but I think none, unless they were adult. I’m too old to do all that again Grin

GCAcademic · 09/04/2021 10:15

Zero. I wouldn't bother with a new partner either.

VettiyaIruken · 09/04/2021 10:17

I don't have it in me to be the stepmum a child deserves and because I know that I would never put myself in a situation where my own failing could negatively affect a child.

itsgettingwierd · 09/04/2021 10:23

Children - however many they had!

Mothers - 1

My own ds is an older teen now and I'd want to know this was someone who had staying power and not likely to get the itch after a few years!

Also I'd want someone with children at least secondary school aged if not older. I love children and work with them daily. But I'm done 'mothering' young children now and doing things in my spare time for that age group.

itsgettingwierd · 09/04/2021 10:27

Having said that I split with ds father when he was 1.

Had a few short term non communal relationships when he was 6-8yo but I found it so hard. (Never introduced them to ds)

People are often shocked (and I'm sure don't believe me!) when I say I have actively stayed single through choice.

needadvice54321 · 09/04/2021 10:29

@Dizzy1234

Done the step parent thing, never again. My exDP would have a list of wrong doings I had committed through the week, DSD lived with us full time, I think she must have thought I was the staff 🙄 Not hung her clothes up that she dropped on the floor. Not cooked what she fancied for dinner. Packed lunch not up to par. Not cleaned her room to her standard. Didn't remove her dirty cups, plates etc from her bedroom. Hadn't changed her bedding. Not done her washing, clothes that she would put in the wash at night she seemed to expect them to be washed and hanging in her wardrobe in the morning. I removed my expensive lotions, shampoos from the bathroom as she used them up, family stuff available but she wanted my stuff that I treated myself to. Hid my perfume and make up as she helped herself despite me asking her not to, that makes me greedy and spiteful apparently. DSD was 13 when she moved in and 23 when I booted them both out. And breathe.......
Bloody hell!!
cannaethink · 09/04/2021 10:30

I actually prefer that my bf has kids! We won’t have any together and we also won’t live together so maybe that makes the difference. I’ve got 2 primary age dc, he’s got 3 all older than mine.
I’d worry that a guy with no kids wouldn’t get that the kids come first, and that it’s important to me to maintain some kind of friendship with their dad. Plus he’d need to be happy not having his own kids as I’m not up for more.
So I think if I was to find myself single again I’d be looking for someone who has kids.

Hoppinggreen · 09/04/2021 10:32

None
I’m not keen on kids other than mine. I would rather be single

Mumoblue · 09/04/2021 10:37

Probably 1.
I have 1 kid, and I wouldn’t want him to feel left out or ganged up on if I went with someone who had more than 1 kid.

To be honest though I kinda don’t want to date at the moment. I like being single.

Andithoughtiwasspecial · 09/04/2021 10:44

The children were never the issue- they were lovely. Some friction with mine initially but got better.Exw and now exp though. Well. No words.

Greygreenblue · 09/04/2021 10:47

I can’t imagine being able to make it work with anyone other than DH if I can’t make it work with him.

But I guess 1 mother, multiple baby mamas would be complicated. And number of kids I guess would depend on who he was and where mine/theirs were all at.

I don’t know though, turning into the crazy car lady is quite appealing.

AlwaysOnAbloodyDiet · 09/04/2021 10:59

I don't think it would be an issue for dating or casually seeing somebody, maybe even being in a relationship with a father, but I just couldn't live with somebody else's children, even if it was only weekends or every second weekend.
My own 3 are enough Wink

Maybe I'd feel differently if I had only 1 or 2 probably not

SnoopyOnALude · 09/04/2021 11:59

None.

Been there, done that. Married now to a guy who has no kids, the same as me. Our lives are so simple and drama free compared to my previous relationships where partners has kids from previous relationships. Also selfishly I enjoy being numero uno too much!

Chunkymenrock · 09/04/2021 12:02

...

EpicPopcorn · 09/04/2021 12:09

I am also in the 0 camp. I couldn’t face the hassle. I’ve got two autistic kids, I don’t need their lives getting complicated by stepchildren. I’d probably change this once they were adults and not living with me. I’d maybe casually date someone. But if it involved families getting together, no, I don’t want the hassle. I also wouldn’t want a relationship that involved a man with no kids moving in though.

Lonoxo · 09/04/2021 12:23

Depends on what age i am and how old he was. If I was in my 20s, 0 as I have time to hold out for what I want. In my 30s, I would accept some men come with for want of a better word “baggage”. Would try to limit myself to one baby mama as I don’t want to be in a long line of baby mamas. Also it would depend on what sort of dad he was and the relationship he had with his ex.

Thisgirlcando · 09/04/2021 12:33

None! My partner has 2 with 1 but I wouldn’t do it again.

LemonSherbetFancies · 09/04/2021 12:38

Mumsnet does give an unrealistic viewpoint of blended families though. Many of us are very happy, it does exist.