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Original poster

If you were looking for a new partner tomorrow how many children/mother’s would be your limit?

202 replies

UseMyName · 08/04/2021 22:58

Mine would be max 2 children from 1 mother.

Would not be able to deal with more than 1 ex and set of childcare arrangements.

OP posts:
digthroughtheditches · 09/04/2021 08:16

Wow. I hope I never come across you judgemental lot in my lifetime.
Blended family here and we work just fine. Anyone saying they don't work, have you met them all?
Glad my partner 'took his chances' with me & my daughter. How lucky we are Hmm

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 09/04/2021 08:21

Zero too, wouldn’t want step children or hair siblings adding to the mix but I wouldn’t want a new partner either whilst my children were still home.

00100001 · 09/04/2021 08:21

We're not being judgemental... just honest about the fact we wouldn't want step children in our lives.

Given the horrible stories you hear, why would you willingly do that??

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 09/04/2021 08:22

@digthroughtheditches

Wow. I hope I never come across you judgemental lot in my lifetime. Blended family here and we work just fine. Anyone saying they don't work, have you met them all? Glad my partner 'took his chances' with me & my daughter. How lucky we are Hmm
I’ve been the child in a blended family as have friends and we all have a very different view than that of the adults.
Sunshineday1 · 09/04/2021 08:27

Meeting someone new with no kids and no serious past relationships would be a massive red flag for me, ( age dependant of course, and also dependant on weather they actually wanted children or not, but if not, they wouldn’t like me anyway as I do have DC ). So I’d say, preferably one long term ex with any amount of children, that just didn’t work out, but I’d much rather just stay married ☺️🤣

PurpleBiro21 · 09/04/2021 08:30

@digthroughtheditches I’m really glad that it’s worked out for you and your family, I am aware that some step families work.

When it goes wrong, it sounds like utter misery, there’s a lot of scope for issues, just look at the step parent threads.

There’s no need to feel judged, people are talking about what’s right for them and their families.

ekidmxcl · 09/04/2021 08:35

Zero
Things are hard enough

SuperintendentHastings · 09/04/2021 08:35

Wow. I hope I never come across you judgemental lot in my lifetime.
Blended family here and we work just fine. Anyone saying they don't work, have you met them all?
Glad my partner 'took his chances' with me & my daughter. How lucky we are.

@digthroughtheditches whose posts do you think are 'judgemental'? People are just answering the OP honestly, would you rather they didn't? I see people with different opinions but just because your situation is different is no reason to feel 'judged'. It's great that things have worked out so well for you, they did for me too, but other people's experiences may be different and that should be respected too.

digthroughtheditches · 09/04/2021 08:39

@SuperintendentHastings 'blended families don't work'
That's not a generalised sweeping statement? You don't think people wouldn't be offended by that viewpoint?
Just makes me wonder if some of the women in my daughters playground feel the same and perhaps sorry for my children somehow. Without actually knowing us.
Yes it's nice to be respectful of other peoples opinions but isn't it also nice to give them perhaps another insight into something they've already made their minds up about?

HeadNorth · 09/04/2021 08:39

I would accept 2 or 3 adult children, as I have adult children myself, as long as they were from the same mother and well supported. No dead beat dads or serial impregnators for me, thank you very much.

User5747384 · 09/04/2021 08:40

"Wow. I hope I never come across you judgemental lot in my lifetime.
Blended family here and we work just fine. Anyone saying they don't work, have you met them all?
Glad my partner 'took his chances' with me & my daughter. How lucky we are."

For me it has worked with my husband with my own children, so yes they can work.
But with his ex making life hard it has put me off of wanting to blend again.
So yes I agree it can work but I wouldn't try and do it again if this marriage didn't work.

megletthesecond · 09/04/2021 08:44

I'm a lone parent and wouldn't consider anyone without dc's.
But as I'll be single for at least 20 years (12yrs in), if not forever, it's probably not something I'll have to worry about.

JackieWeaverFever · 09/04/2021 08:45

0!

Waxonwaxoff0 · 09/04/2021 08:45

@digthroughtheditches

Wow. I hope I never come across you judgemental lot in my lifetime. Blended family here and we work just fine. Anyone saying they don't work, have you met them all? Glad my partner 'took his chances' with me & my daughter. How lucky we are Hmm
In my experience all the adults in the situation say their blended family works fine and it's all great. But the children often think differently.

It's not judgemental. It's realistic. Blended families very rarely are all sunshine and roses.

3CCC · 09/04/2021 08:46

Have spoken to friends about this. Usually with it would be 0 but if he was the dream man in every other way then it wouldn't be as much of a dealbreaker, if he had 1 ex and 1or 2 kids

Having said that I know I wouldn't like that I wouldn't be number 1 in their priorities

So on balance 0

UniversitySerf · 09/04/2021 08:47

I always knew I wouldn’t choose a man with children, I never wanted the hassle.

Now as a much older woman I would consider someone with grown up children who had left home. That’s purely practical as in middle age the majority will have dc.

One thing I wouldn’t do is intertwine money or remarry. I actually don’t think I would want to live with a man again.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 09/04/2021 08:48

0 for me anyway, but I don't want a partner. I'm divorced and have been a single parent for 7 years. Don't want to force a stepfamily situation on DS and I've never met any separated parents who are as amicable as myself and my ex husband.

Funfairballoon · 09/04/2021 08:49

Love dp but wouldn't ever do it again.

I imagine I'd be single for quite some time because I wouldn't want anyone with children, but someone who was good with children because I have one, who probably didn't actually want children because I don't really want more.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 09/04/2021 08:49

I have kids. I wouldnt want to navigate new relationship / other kids while mine are at home with me.

SuperintendentHastings · 09/04/2021 08:53

You don't think people wouldn't be offended by that viewpoint?

I'm not offended by it remotely @digthroughtheditches. I don't agree with it, but I'm not offended by things that are not true for me. For many people it will be true, unfortunately.

Maybe I've got a thicker skin, but I think that sometimes you have to have. I know that DH and our crew are just fine, I really don't care what other people think about that.

weegiepower · 09/04/2021 08:53
  1. I am divorced with 2 children, I would never consider starting a relationship with someone with children, I would rather stay single forever. I would consider older grown up children far in the future.
AmandaHoldensLips · 09/04/2021 08:56

ZERO

I don't understand why anyone chooses to goes on to make more children with a different partner/already-parent. It never works out well for the "first-set" of kids. It's the ultimate betrayal of their parent.

Yes of course there are unplanned situations, but to PLAN to have kids with an already-parent is such a bad idea and totally selfish.

needadvice54321 · 09/04/2021 08:57

@digthroughtheditches

Wow. I hope I never come across you judgemental lot in my lifetime. Blended family here and we work just fine. Anyone saying they don't work, have you met them all? Glad my partner 'took his chances' with me & my daughter. How lucky we are Hmm
I answered up thread that I wouldn't be with someone who had a child. That's not me being judgemental, that's me saying that I wouldn't want to be party to something that could go so wrong for a child. I'd fear I'd get it wrong.

DS and I were lucky that DH took us both on, as a package and we are his family. DS2 then appeared and we were a unit, both boys treated as equals.

DS gained a step mum through his Dad. They had a terrible relationship and since his dad and wife separated there was just no going back.

Would I want to take the risk? No I wouldn't. I'd like to think I'd be a lovely step mum , as good a step parent as my DH, but I can't guarantee that, so I wouldn't do it.

User5747384 · 09/04/2021 08:59

I think also @SuperintendentHastings people replying on here may already have done the blended family thing like me and so wouldn't want to do it again through having a bad experience or just not wanting to introduce another partner and step kids to their children.
There can be so many reasons.
If I split up with my DH I couldn't really see myself wanting another man to live with either whilst my kids are still at home.

Funfairballoon · 09/04/2021 09:01

@AmandaHoldensLips

ZERO

I don't understand why anyone chooses to goes on to make more children with a different partner/already-parent. It never works out well for the "first-set" of kids. It's the ultimate betrayal of their parent.

Yes of course there are unplanned situations, but to PLAN to have kids with an already-parent is such a bad idea and totally selfish.

Never is unfair.

I am a first child and I disagree that it's the "ultimate betrayal" Hmm

I also don't think it's selfish, I actually have a much better life with my step dad and my younger brother who I wouldn't have had.

Your comment is actually quite offensive.