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Original poster

If you were looking for a new partner tomorrow how many children/mother’s would be your limit?

202 replies

UseMyName · 08/04/2021 22:58

Mine would be max 2 children from 1 mother.

Would not be able to deal with more than 1 ex and set of childcare arrangements.

OP posts:
DoYouRememberTheInnMiranda · 09/04/2021 09:01

I think it is a different prospect for a man than a woman though, as often the bulk of the "wife work" falls on the woman. Her taking on his kids is likely to mean more washing, cleaning, cooking etc for her, as well as all the additional inconveniences of someone else's kids around will mean for him if he takes on someone else's kids. I know that's very generalised and could be totally different for each particular blended family.
On the other had, I guess he is more likely to have step kids there most of the time, whereas she is more likely to have the EOW and a night or two in the week. Still suspect it's more work for her than for him, despite that.

Magnificentmug12 · 09/04/2021 09:02

Preferably none, if he did though it would be by one mother and the kids would have to atleast be 18. Not doing no childcare for someone else or tolerating all the stuff that comes with it.

Wishitsnows · 09/04/2021 09:03

Zero I would assume the probability was she left him for a good reason. I know sometimes it's the other way. Also seems too many men use the step mother so they have someone to do a lot of the childcare for them.

User5747384 · 09/04/2021 09:06

"I don't understand why anyone chooses to goes on to make more children with a different partner/already-parent. It never works out well for the "first-set" of kids. It's the ultimate betrayal of their parent."

Well that's not true is it. Never is a pretty strong word.
My children were actually betrayed by their biological father when he left them and abdicated his responsibilities, my now DH has been their father figuire so yes it has worked out better for them they are certainly better off with him than without.

Roodicus21 · 09/04/2021 09:14

Zero. I would never have married a man who had children already. I couldn't be bothered with potential drama.

JorisBonson · 09/04/2021 09:16

Huge big fat zero to both.

SionnachRua · 09/04/2021 09:21

Zero, unless they're adults (and then there's probably be an age gap between us so a big fat no to that too). I couldn't care less who left who or what the history of their relationship was, I'm just not getting involved in raising kids that aren't mine.

MiloAndEddie · 09/04/2021 09:22

Ideally I’d say zero.

However I think there are a lot of variables:
Whether I was separated or widowed
Whether he was
The ages of the kids
If they were the RP
If their relationship with the ex was amicable

idontlikealdi · 09/04/2021 09:24
MajesticWhine · 09/04/2021 09:27

I would not set a limit. It depends on the circumstances.

TheCrowening · 09/04/2021 09:35

It depends on the circumstances, but honestly I doubt I’d be interested in a relationship anyway so it’s probably moot.

tunnocksreturns2019 · 09/04/2021 09:37

I was widowed when my children were 7 and 5 and I’m likely to stay on my own now. I’m not interested in separated or divorced men - my marriage was great thanks and I think it’s better I stay on my own than risk complicating my kids’ childhoods further.

It does amuse me when people announce what they would do if their DH died or left - reality is you have absolutely no idea how you’d react. I didn’t behave as I thought would, and I had 3.5 years’ notice.

Mabelene · 09/04/2021 09:37

...

Chickychickydodah · 09/04/2021 09:38

Zero for me too, I’d happily be single and never want children again...

tunnocksreturns2019 · 09/04/2021 09:40

I realised I didn’t answer the question 🤣 0 unless a widower with grown up children

Egghead68 · 09/04/2021 09:42

...

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 09/04/2021 09:46

If anything happens with me and DP I can't imagine going through the whole dating thing again

I'd get a dog and or a cat instead

MrsKingfisher · 09/04/2021 09:47

So glad I have my dh but if it all went wrong tomorrow I’d rather be single than have to go through the step parent route again. No thanks.

CantBeAssed · 09/04/2021 09:48
  1. its a condition i have made should i ever have the desire to get involved with a new partner,which is highly unlikely i ever will.
Its just not worth the grief..
MrsPinkCock · 09/04/2021 09:50

None. Been there, done that and it’s hard bloody work particularly when birth mother is a waste of space and decides to abandon her kids altogether and suddenly you’re expected to be mum 100% of the time

I wouldn’t leave DH because of the kids but it’s been really tough at times. However my eyes are open now and if I found myself single and in the early stages of a relationship if I knew they had DC I’d run a mile!

MrsTophamHat · 09/04/2021 09:50

I would never want a complicated set up, but I also would be very concerned about a 40+ man who had never had a serious relationship, and children often come as part of that.

I think i'd rather stay single if i'm honest.

dobidobidooo · 09/04/2021 09:52
  1. Why would you want there to be any? Confused
Jocasta2018 · 09/04/2021 09:53

None if possible however I'm fully aware as being 49, it might not be possible.

Failing that, adult children only. I wouldn't live with the DP - I've tried it and found it stressful - I like my own space.

The adult children would hold Power of Attorney over their father's affairs & any will that was written, they would be made aware of - I would not expect any bequest.

I'm financially independent & don't want to be seen as a woman latching onto a man for a better standard of life. If the adult children are aware of this, hopefully any future relationship with them would be eased by the fact that I wasn't after their father's money....
It goes without saying really but I don't want a cocklodger either!

Not much to ask... I could end up with a FWB I guess!

carolinesbaby · 09/04/2021 09:58

None.
Been there, done that, wouldn't do it again and certainly wouldn't put my kids through it.

If I find myself single (widowed) I will be remaining single.

SuperintendentHastings · 09/04/2021 09:59

@User5747384

I think also *@SuperintendentHastings* people replying on here may already have done the blended family thing like me and so wouldn't want to do it again through having a bad experience or just not wanting to introduce another partner and step kids to their children. There can be so many reasons. If I split up with my DH I couldn't really see myself wanting another man to live with either whilst my kids are still at home.
I couldn't agree more. My situation has worked out well for us, but I'm under no illusions that it's easy because it's been a fucking nightmare at times, especially the teenage years. I also think it's very different when it's two adults getting together with one young child than it is with two adults getting together with 4 early teens between them, though both situations can be incredibly difficult.

My sister's situation was literally hell on earth for her for years until it just got too much and she and her DH split. She was sick of being threatened by his ex (often physically) and felt that being together was detrimental to both of the children (one his, one hers) involved in the end.