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Original poster

If you were looking for a new partner tomorrow how many children/mother’s would be your limit?

202 replies

UseMyName · 08/04/2021 22:58

Mine would be max 2 children from 1 mother.

Would not be able to deal with more than 1 ex and set of childcare arrangements.

OP posts:
MangoSeason · 09/04/2021 02:44

0 for me. If DH died or disappeared, I would never bring another man into my children’s lives. In fairness, I am an introvert who is very happy with my own company so wouldn’t need another relationship. My natural happy place is being alone.

Someone should start a thread asking about poster’s experiences growing up with step siblings. It would be enlightening.

AlexaShutUp · 09/04/2021 02:56

Definitely zero. Just not interested.

AlexaShutUp · 09/04/2021 03:03

For those with kids who also said 0 but would like a relationship, do you not think that’s quite hypocritical? Presumably you’d want a man that you formed a long term, committed, relationship with to accept your children, and possibly live with them.

No, if I ever split from DH, I would never move another man in while dd was still living at home because I don't think that would be in her best interests. I'd rather be single.

AlexaShutUp · 09/04/2021 03:04

I should add...fully independent adult children wouldn't be so much of an issue for me. I'm talking about kids who are still dependent.

PerveenMistry · 09/04/2021 03:05

@Sstrongtn

God this makes me sad, because I assume the answer is the same way the other way around.

I have 3 children, 6 and up. So by this logic (and I’ve been told in real life), I can write off anyone caring about me and any emotional attachment. That’s just awful.

Unfortunately the supply of decent men is skim enough they can pick and choose. Few would want an encumbered woman when even the dumpiest man seems able to attract then young, lithe and childfree.
MiddleParking · 09/04/2021 03:35

Zero here as well. I would happily date someone casually, but I wouldn’t want them near my child/ren and I wouldn’t want to go near theirs if they had any.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 09/04/2021 03:38

Zero. Dont want step children or a dp that's tied to an ex in any way.

JackieTheFart · 09/04/2021 04:55

0, unless they were adult children that I wouldn’t be expected to have a parental relationship with. I’m a step mum now and wouldn’t do it again.

Toddlerteaplease · 09/04/2021 05:31

...

Effinell · 09/04/2021 06:13

Been there and would never do it again. Newly single now at 40 and at the minute I'd be perfectly happy to stay single for the rest of my life.

bengalcat · 09/04/2021 06:19

Would aim for zero

joystir59 · 09/04/2021 06:22

...

ShadierThanaPalmTree · 09/04/2021 06:33

Having one or two children by one partner wouldn't bother me as long as their mother was not a massive pain in the ass! I would actually prefer younger children than teenagers. Of course blended families can work, the parents involved just need to act like adults and work together.

Smallonesaremorejuicy · 09/04/2021 06:34

0 unless they were grown up , but then again if they were ‘ daddy’s girls’ it would be a no from me !

Original poster
UseMyName · 09/04/2021 06:35

@MangoSeason

0 for me. If DH died or disappeared, I would never bring another man into my children’s lives. In fairness, I am an introvert who is very happy with my own company so wouldn’t need another relationship. My natural happy place is being alone.

Someone should start a thread asking about poster’s experiences growing up with step siblings. It would be enlightening.

I wonder if there’s any studies into family set up as child and relationship choices as an adult.
OP posts:
Shehasadiamondinthesky · 09/04/2021 06:39

I would never date a man with kids.

Ylvamoon · 09/04/2021 06:45

I wouldn't mind. At my age, a man without kids would be either gold dust or there is something fundamentally wrong with him.
But, I don't think I could be with an other man after DH. I definitely won't share my home or get married again.

transformandriseup · 09/04/2021 06:52

Ideally none but it's rare to come across a (straight) man without children where I live. A few of friends male and female have children with different partners.

I would say definitely one mother max.

DinosApple · 09/04/2021 06:53

Realistically, a lot of men would have had children by my age so if I wanted a relationship it is something I'd consider very carefully. But I'm not sure I'd want the chaos of a new relationship (at all, childfree or not) and two preteen daughter's though. Maybe if they were older.

Lanique · 09/04/2021 06:53

This is interesting... all those posters saying 0 would therefore be happy with men having the same feelings back at them? I'm surprised so many feel this way, but also very much in agreement that no kids would be a lot easier. Personally I've no interest whatsoever in being a step mother to others' children! I'd rather stay single than have a blended family, that is not my thing at all, but I thought I was the anomaly until I saw this thread. Most divorced parents I know in RL have moved on to new partners, some with and some without children.

If anything happened to dh there's no way I'd jump into a serious relationship with another man and his family. I'd keep it very casual until the kids have left home - his and my own.

PurpleBiro21 · 09/04/2021 07:11

This is interesting... all those posters saying 0 would therefore be happy with men having the same feelings back at them?

I would assume most men would feel the same as me and not want a woman with a child?

At my age most men will have kids, I’d be happy with a super super casual relationship, no kids involved just some adult time every so often but that’s it.

Also DH and I have a very equal relationship, if we split (always possible) the relationship stories on mumsnet would make me super cautious. All these men who do no/little housework etc, hell no.

PurpleBiro21 · 09/04/2021 07:15

I do wonder if it’s age related? I became a mum in my late 30s and have been married over 15 years.

I dated a man with kids in my early 20s and sharply realised that it wasn’t for me as even then I knew kids should come first but didn’t appreciate my life being curtailed due to that.

RosieGuacamosie · 09/04/2021 07:29

0 and I’m heartened to see the number of other women saying zero as well.

I think we have a bit of a societal problem where women (and to a lesser extent men) form a relationship with someone who’s already a parent and then expect the step kids to become less of a priority, especially when they decide to have a new baby with the existing parent.

It takes a very kind, giving and strong person to treat someone else’s children in the way they should be treated (i.e. remaining a priority) and I wish more people would just admit they aren’t cut out for it - I know I’m not!

Accentor · 09/04/2021 07:36

Fatherhood is an utter turn-off.

AuntieStella · 09/04/2021 07:39

I'm just wondering how old you all are.

I'm in my 50s, and so expect that if I had (hypothetically of course) shoved DH under the patio, and was selecting a new partner, that he would have DC. Just as I would hope that a good man dating at that age would realise that women are very likely to have DC

I'm not too bothered about the number, but would be more wary of a string of failed relationships.

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