If you're female and frequented rock clubs...

[whoami24601]

Can you help me? I have a theory...

With #toomanymen trending and everyone sharing stories I've been mulling over my own experiences of harassment. Whilst thinking about my time as a teenager I've realised that, although I mostly went to rock pubs and clubs, all of my bad experiences happened in 'normal' nightclubs.

I have long thought that the rock scene is much more relaxed, friendly and accepting than others, and I'd like to know if that is your experience as well? I'm interested if I'm the exception or the rule.

Thanks!

Yep, I can identify with this. The scruffiest rock dive pubs were always fine: trouble happened in 'nicer' bars or Wetherspoons.

I used to have great games of pool with strangers in the former. Happy days.

I've never thought of that before but this was my experience too.

There was never any problem waiting in there on your own if your friends were late, either.

I felt like I could hold my own in a rock club if low level stuff happened. In a dance club, there was a feeling that you never knew how it might escalate.

I would agree with this. I went to a lot of indie/rock gigs and pubs when i wad young in the early 90s. Never had any harassment in those types of places. Rarely went to mainstream clubs. Most of the harassment i received was walking and cycling to school or on public transport.

Yes my wife has had this theory for years. Rock clubs, pubs and even festivals have a very safe vibe compared to mainstream music venues.

I haven’t thought about it before but yes you are right! Any nuisance people or issues were always in “normal” night clubs.

Got punched in the face whilst walking home in a mixed group from an indie club though. By a group of 'townies'.

I never had issues at metal or punk gigs and festivals, or at dance music gigs. I even crowd surfed and never got wandering hands then either, although I've heard this can be (was? Can people still do this?) a problem. I was going to gigs very very regularly 2000 - 2014 and covid aside, go to at least 1 festival a year now plus 1 or 2 gigs.
The places I've been manhandled/assaulted/flashed etc have been naice pubs, raves, and night clubs.

Yep.
I never got groped in a rock club, the local meat market however.....
I could also have a perfectly normal and civilised conversation with a man without having to fend him off.

This has been my experience too. I could really relax in rock clubs, pubs and festivals and never had or saw any issues. In mainstream bars and clubs I am always subconsciously on the lookout for situations escalating and more often there are problems. Whether it was me and my friends being harassed or groped or seeing fights break out.

Yep, same for me too. Not sure if it’s because of the types of men that go to rock clubs v other places or because rock clubs tend to be all about the music whereas the aim of places like Wetherspoons seems to be to get as drunk as possible. Definitely a different atmosphere though.

Yeah that’s been my experience too and I also found that when I did have problems, other people were more likely to step in or call it out.

I'd agree. People go to rock/ indie clubs for the music. The trendy bars/ clubs were a meat market to go around "on the pull"

This was around the millenium.

I wouldn't say they're immune, but there was a different vibe and culture in them.

Yes 100%. Occasionally my friends blew me out and I’d still go alone and feel quite safe. I was quite shocked when I went to uni and started going to “normal” clubs and men’s behaviour was quite different.

Yep, my experience too.

Yes I agree, and I also found that more specialist clubs (like Latino or jazz) were very safe. My theory is that men go to rock/jazz/Latino clubs because they like the music, men who just want to get laid and harass girls go to the mainstream places.

I've never really thought about it but, yes, I agree with pretty much everything on this thread

I’d agree. I felt so safe to just disappear in a rock club and people watch and never felt as if I needed a friend with me or that I was unsafe, it tended to be the same crowd and people would recognise faces after a bit. Other bars, not so much

I spent a lot of time at indie clubs and people were far too cool to indicate that they fancied you let alone harass you. Which made it hard to pull actually but you could certainly dance all night and not get any harassment.

My friends are old rockers and we went to a rock club a couple of years ago and there was a pole that all the girl rockers were Pole dancing on which TBH was a bit grim - all the men were standing around letching at them and cheering them on. There was a really nasty undercurrent of pornified harassment and it spoilt the night for me.

No problems in either. My only problem occurred on the street.

Same; I hadn’t thought about it before!

Yes agree. I used to go to rock clubs, big rave clubs and meat market clubs as a student (eclectic friendship groups!). Rock clubs and rave clubs never an issue. Rave clubs people were mainly off their faces and wanted a cuddle. Rock clubs were where the nice people went and the men were lovely and respectful. Even the ones wearing collars with spikes

I agree, I went to rock clubs in Bristol and Manchester and felt perfectly safe on my own.