If you're female and frequented rock clubs...

[whoami24601]

Can you help me? I have a theory...

With #toomanymen trending and everyone sharing stories I've been mulling over my own experiences of harassment. Whilst thinking about my time as a teenager I've realised that, although I mostly went to rock pubs and clubs, all of my bad experiences happened in 'normal' nightclubs.

I have long thought that the rock scene is much more relaxed, friendly and accepting than others, and I'd like to know if that is your experience as well? I'm interested if I'm the exception or the rule.

Thanks!

Rock City and The Cookie Club. Happy Days.
I'm old enough to be an old crusty now

The tricky bit was lifting your feet off the floor in The Rig. We did joke that the Old Crusties had been stuck in there since the 80s.

Someone upthread said about gigs. It has never occurred to me actually just how close you are to so many people at a gig. I was always down the front so properly squashed in. Not a single wandering hand ever 🤔

You know what, you're right, in my experience. I'd never really thought about it before.

Night out on the town = sexual harassment agogo. Rock / indie night = no issues whatsoever. What's that about then?!

Yes, I never had any problems at rock/metal/industrial clubs. Everyone always seemed very welcoming/accepting/tolerant and laid back there. I felt completely safe.

Conflicting opinion here.
Felt ok in rock/indie/punk clubs because that's where my appearance fitted in, still was aware of risk of violence though.

Trendy/town places/clubs more dangerous - possibly due to the way I dressed ( punk/alt)

History ;
Beat up in town by trendies because of how I looked ( aged 18)

Sexual assault - walking alone.
Indecent exposure - again I was on my own but I was reluctant to give in to the fear that the sexual assault had left me with. This exposure ensured that fear has remained with me since.

Domestic violence ( age 17-21) perpetrator was a rocker/ alt guy.

I have never felt completely safe since being about 14 ( now 51). I have had to constantly think about where I am/ safety.

Have always had to think about how I am getting home/ fear was always present ( still is if even driving home alone in the dark) for me fear has never left me.

I have daughters, we have tried to ensure that they are confident but aware of risk.

Rock clubs are definitely less gropey than regular clubs, but I've had some 'accidental' contact at gigs.

I agree, I was very underage when I started frequenting rock clubs some distance from home, never had an issue. If anything, I felt looked after and safe, even with men I didn't know. I think its against the rock/metal ethos and it wouldn't have been allowed to happen without consequences.
Whilst walking back from the bar in a trendy bar a male stranger put his arms around me from behind and grabbed both my breasts and half the bar cheered him.

Yes much safer - no creepy types. One very kind genuine guy even looked after me when I got shit faced at a party and didn't take advantage even though it would have been easy to. Very safe. Average clubs and bars always some crèep.

Yes I have always thought this too!

Never had problems in rock clubs and bars, but aged about 14 someone in the crowd at a metal gig tried several times to get their hands down my waistband. Couldn't move or see who it was, eventually managed to stab them in the hand with the spikes of my collar which put a stop to it - benefits of goth fashion!

I agree with this post. Frequented a lot of rock pubs/clubs and always felt safe and nothing ever untoward happened.
People were generally friendly too without being in your face

Totally agree

Of all the live gigs I've ever been to I have only experienced sexual harassment at download. This was both times from men older than me (50s plus).

One was me having to hear things two guys were saying about some 20 something girls and what they wanted to do to them ( so I wasn't actually harrassed in that instance)

Second time was another older guy passing me as I went to the loo asking if I wanted to come to his caravan and be put over his knee.

I'm late 40's now and spent my teenage years from 15 in rock clubs & I loved it, there was never any fighting or inappropriate behaviour from the men - we all just loved the music

Yes. I always felt safe in the biker, rock and Goth clubs that I frequented in my teens and early 20s. The mainstream places my friends took me to in my 20s-30s were much more likely to kick off or get sleazy.

I always felt bikers were “manly” and protective of women. I’m sure there are countless stories of that not being the case, but it was how it felt.

I should’ve married a long-haired biker type, really. I’ve always loved them. Wistful sigh.

1990s I was in my 20s

Swindon had a couple of sawdust-on-the-floor biker pubs and I do recall the men being courteous and protective. This is biker rock pubs with led zep cover bands and everyone wearing fringed leather jackets that kind of place !

Conversely as I (reluctantly) grew out of that scene and started clubbing, it was well known that most nightclubs and bistros/bars were just purely meat markets. Yeah Route 66 I’m looking at you

Agree with this 100%.

I wouldn’t say I’ve never had any hassle at rock/goth/punk clubs and gigs, but it’s been minimal, unlike at regular bars and clubs. Some of the nicest people I’ve talked to were at death metal concerts. Everyone just relaxed and friendly and no aggro.

100% agree

Completely agree. You still get perves eyeballing your boobs, but that’s as far as it goes in rock bars.

Yep. I went to indie and rock clubs a lot from around 2001-2010 and never had any issues. In fact, I went to gigs on my own fairly regularly and only ever met nice, fun men who had no ulterior motive.

I was sexually assaulted (although I wouldn't have classified it as such at the time) pretty much every time I went to a mainstream club without a boyfriend during the same period.

Agree, definitely.

Yes. Went to 'rock clubs' from the age of 13 and there has always been the case of men looking out for the women. Still a goth a couple of decades later. Still feel the most safe among 'my people'. At gigs, clubs, gathering in a public place as a teen. We've always been in it together and anyone violating that has had a quick and well handled exit. Gigs as well, it's so easy and natural to make friends. I went to Berlin a couple of years ago and I've never felt so safe walking around dressed as I choose in the day. Smiles from people passing by, people making conversation and general acceptance instead of insults and/or smirking. Went to a metal bar over there and it was just an amazing night.

@BarefootHippieChick I miss the Rock House days! Can’t remember ever seeing any serious trouble in there, mind you, I’ve witnessed a few being ejected down the stairs fir trying anything

This was just standard and I never really analysed it.

In Brighton there was the strip going down to the sea and the clubs were meat markets. Bum groping to the max.

Whereas in the more independent pubs and bars it was more about the music.