If you're female and frequented rock clubs...

[whoami24601]

Can you help me? I have a theory...

With #toomanymen trending and everyone sharing stories I've been mulling over my own experiences of harassment. Whilst thinking about my time as a teenager I've realised that, although I mostly went to rock pubs and clubs, all of my bad experiences happened in 'normal' nightclubs.

I have long thought that the rock scene is much more relaxed, friendly and accepting than others, and I'd like to know if that is your experience as well? I'm interested if I'm the exception or the rule.

Thanks!

The only trouble I ever remember in rock/alternative places was occasionally when townie men would come in and expect all the women to fall at their feet because they were the only ones in suits Some got very confused and overly insistent but were usually seen off with firm solidarity from the regulars.

This would have been late 80s to late 90s.

I've always thought this too OP.
Rock clubs, were and still are (the last time I went was 2 years ago) very friendly places to go. Never had any unwanted advances ever! Unlike dance clubs. I have been going to clubs since the mid 90's (both types) and that's always been the case.
I wonder why that is?

I agree to an extent with OP and also share a similar experience with @GrumpyHoonMain

I am also BAME group and more often than not I'd be asked why wasn't at a hip hop club or r'n'b club or comments along the lines of 'I didn't realise your type are into rock and metal' etc

I do find rock and specific genre places friendlier although in the past few years (pre lockdown obv) in my experience racism has definitely gotten worse.

I miss a good festival

Same here too. I used to use the men's loos sometimes in Rock World/Gilly's in Manchester and never had an issue. No queues in there so I'd mess chance of missing moshing to my favourite song. I was sexually assaulted at a Guns n' Roses gig in 1992 though but clubs, no. It was all about the music. Donnington felt very safe back in the early 90s but maybe it was more the invincibility of youth. Although I got catcalled regularly in the street around the same time.

I personally found the same - worst harassment was in mainstream clubs. The most laid back and welcoming crowd are bikers, they are fearsome reputation in some quarters but are the most accepting group I've met

100% my experience. I was only once harassed in the indie/rock club I went to - and that was by some out of town 'townies' who weren't regulars and were clearly there to be dicks.

Ah to go back to the 80s and 90s. I was a regular at the Hacienda, DeVilles and The Ritz in Manchester - happy days.

I agree.

I always used to find it odd how my mother disapproved of any long haired, leather jacketed boyfriends, but IME they were always far more respectful of my boundaries and much lovelier to hang around with than the perceived “nice” boys who usually got dumped pretty quickly for being too pushy.

I would agree in the Indie clubs I have frequented. Mass market pubs and clubs were where u experienced problems. Never had an issue in places like Gatecrasher (the original) either - much more music focussed.

I think you're right.

I used to go clubbing a lot, twice a week in my heyday. Never had any trouble from men in rock clubs, it was always the posey dancey dress-up-y places (this being the late 80s) that seemed to have that contingent of incoherently drunk pawing men that wouldn't take no for an answer. I genuinely never had that experience in a rock club.

Ditto fighting in clubs (either men or women), the only places I ever witnessed that were the posey places.

100% agree

Motorhead fans are lovely people

This was my experience too

I agree. I've had the same experiences. Mostly in the 90s for me. Any 'trouble' I've had/seen was always in mainstream pubs and nightclubs, nothing in rock pubs or at metal/indie nights. Wouldn't like to speculate on why this is though.

I'd never thought of this before but yes, that's my experience too.

Totally agree. I took my friend to an indie club (not her thing) and she was shocked that no one perved on her all night

Yes, you're absolutely right OP.

I'm afraid it's probably because indie or rock attendees tend to be better educated, less angry etc. The men hate women less.

But like how Rugby match day always safer than football match day.

I agree to an extent. The occassions when men were gropey with me happened in mainstream nightclubs but I've also been to a lot of rock festivals where women getting their tits out and being picked up by the screens resulted in every man in attendance cheering

I didn't go to that many rock clubs, occasionally but not much. The few times I went to an indie club there was no sexual harassment or groping.

I also went to rave clubs and the 'clubbing' clubs with house/techno music and though everyone was loved up and hugging I'm sure that maybe a couple of times someone would grope someone but it wasn't overt from my experience.

I'm also old enough to have gone to high street clubbing clubs - 80s etc - and yes there was groping, sexual harassment but not to a huge extent.

Actually I remember now - there was a friend of a friend, who was male - more a 'rock type man' but into the rave clubbing scene too - he wouldn't leave me alone - wouldn't have groped me but was seriously on my case even though I didn't fancy him at all! So not all rock types are angels!

Yes - to this happening on the street, on the way home in cabs, on tubes etc from these venues.

I've never thought about it before either but yes I agree with PPs. I spent my youth in rock clubs or in nightclubs on "Rock Night" and didn't experience any bother there at all. Though I did get my car vandalized in the car park one time.

Nope, not for me. I've had this across the board.
Also regular groping at gigs.

Totally agree! A rock or heavy metal crowd tend to be friendly. I’ve been chatted up a couple of times in such places but never in a way that felt threatening and never groped.

The times I went clubbing however...

Same for me OP.

I totally agree. Even at concerts men have made attempts to protect me from the worst of the moshing. Only ever encountered total chivalry.

I've always thought this too!

This is my experience too. I could wander round on my own at indie clubs, join in with groups of strangers bouncing around to my favourite songs, sometimes I’d pull but it was always fun and not pushy. On one occasion I remember a drunk guy getting over excited and knocking me over and all the blokes around him told him off for being an idiot. Plus being picked up off the floor if people fell over in the mosh. I miss those days.