If you're female and frequented rock clubs...

[whoami24601]

Can you help me? I have a theory...

With #toomanymen trending and everyone sharing stories I've been mulling over my own experiences of harassment. Whilst thinking about my time as a teenager I've realised that, although I mostly went to rock pubs and clubs, all of my bad experiences happened in 'normal' nightclubs.

I have long thought that the rock scene is much more relaxed, friendly and accepting than others, and I'd like to know if that is your experience as well? I'm interested if I'm the exception or the rule.

Thanks!

I agree, interestingly as well all my male 'rocker' friends are the ones that I've seen, stand up for women, congratulate women on their successes, call out other men for their bad behaviour, be self aware enough to challenge that maybe they might not have handled a situation well, actually listened to a female friend and took advice how to do better next time.

That was my experience too, and if I did come across someone being a dick, then invariably that behaviour wasn't tolerated. I went to grotty rock clubs and gigs from about 16, and there was always a vibe of community and camaraderie and looking after the more vulnerable people. Guys would pick you up if you got knocked down in a mosh pit, I rarely got groped unless it was clearly consensual, and had little fear going in on my own of my mates were late. My friendship group was male and female and anyone who behaved badly was ousted. The bouncers were quick to boot out any shitheads too.

Walking to and from the club was a different matter though. I wouldn't do that alone.

@whoami24601

Can you help me? I have a theory...

With #toomanymen trending and everyone sharing stories I've been mulling over my own experiences of harassment. Whilst thinking about my time as a teenager I've realised that, although I mostly went to rock pubs and clubs, all of my bad experiences happened in 'normal' nightclubs.

I have long thought that the rock scene is much more relaxed, friendly and accepting than others, and I'd like to know if that is your experience as well? I'm interested if I'm the exception or the rule.

Thanks!

I agree partly. I am BAME and found rock clubs a hot bed of racism. I often experienced things my white friends just didn’t - like getting ignored when I wanted to buy drinks because the barman hoped I would then just go away, to white men openly questioning why I was there and not in a club aimed at hiphop fans and then making fun of me because I told them I was a rock fan. Goth clubs were a lot worse - some of the worst racism I ever experienced happened at UK goth aimed clubs.

Having said that I think this may be a cultural thing because I rarely experience racism or sexism at German rock clubs. But maybe they’re just able to hide it better.

Yes!

I also agree with pp that people in genre specific places are generally there for the music and it's easy to strike up a conversation because of the shared interest. Generally as well dancing is less sexualised so you can have a bit of fun.

I was in a mainstream club at the bar minding my own, waiting to be served when a pair of hands reached around me and grabbed my breasts. The prick then rested his chin n my shoulder, grinning as though he was hugging me - I told him to get the fuck off of me or I'd break his wrists and he called me a "sour faced bitch". The bar staff saw this and didn't bat an eyelid so I can only assume it's standard/acceptable practice 🤨

I’m late 50s and totally agree. From pubs and clubs to festivals the rock scene has always felt and been safer in my experience. Still is.

This is my experience too. I worked as a bartender in a couple of different places during my student days. At the regular pub harassment from drunk males was to be expected, we all just put up with it. When I worked at the rock club, they had a no harassment tolerance policy so if a sleazy guy tried it on, the bouncers would boot them out.

Agree. Always felt looked out for in mosh pits etc

Yes never any issues either, I wonder if a shared interest in the music made people more respectful

Anecdotally same here.
I'm old enough to have marched when Sutcliffe was active.
Never felt uncomfortable in rock or biker pubs.
Working men's clubs were safe too.

Rock clubs, I could wear whatever I liked and not get hassled. And when the odd 'non metal' bloke came in and thought he could hassle women based on what they were wearing they would be ejected by any man who saw it and determined that you weren't interested in them.

DP and I were talking about this last night. We both frequented rock pubs and clubs, and there is definitely less of a threat there, more of a feeling of community. DP is a metalhead, and is possibly the kindest, most respectful man I know.

The only time I can remember someone trying to grope me, many many years ago, I punched him on reflex. Before either he or I had a chance to react, some of the other men there grabbed him by the shoulders, and within seconds, the bouncers had him on his way out.

I went to rock clubs in the late 60s in Manchester, usually cellar clubs, no alcohol sold, and loved them - only happy memories.

Definitely. I worked in a rock bar in the early 90s. The upstairs of the bar was mainstream. And that was where the security staff were, they were never needed in our bar.

The male rockers and bikers that frequented our bar were always friendly and respectful, never experienced any comments, groping etc.

Absolutely agree with this. I’ve never had a problem at dive bars, rock clubs or rock/metal gigs. Any issues have always been in mainstream type places.

Until you mentioned it I hadn’t made the connection

Late 40s here and I'd agree.
It was only the 'white shirt' brigade who gave me any grief.

Same @mangobiscuit I had a guy buy me a drink in a rock club once, and then make out like I owed him something, got up in my face, very aggressive like. so without thinking I shoved him and told him to fuck off. Before he could react, there were three guys and two bouncers there, firmly helping him out the door, and making sure I was OK. Sticks in my mind because that's the only incident I had like that in several years of going to those clubs and bars.

Ditto, I have never experienced any harassment or trouble of any kind at a rock club or gig.

Same experience here. Always made sure we got in a taxi home too. Didn't have to worry about turning down a drink from a man.Always a good night. Rarely any fights. I had a family member who was a member of a bike club. Treated with respect by men there that I'd probably have crossed the road from on a dark night lol. I miss them days

Completely agree, and it's taken this post to make me realise that's probably most of the reason I preferred and gravitated towards the rock/indie scene and still make excuses when invited to 'mainstream' nights out. And not enjoyed myself if I have gone.

Constant feeling of being on alert and unsafe, unable to truly relax and enjoy it.

I agree, and the same applies to electronic music events which were often illegal and unpoliced.

People were there for the music, usually with their friends, and there was a sense of being part of a community.

Same

Yes I agree too. Went to rock bars and crappy clubs for years and never had any problems. I got groped once at a motorbike rally, but it wasn't a biker, it was a local guy who tried his luck.

I went out with biker mates for years to all sorts of places and never felt unsafe.
DH had one friend who said some inappopriate things about teenage girls...he was immediatlely kicked out of his club and nobody will have anything to do with him now.

Wow yes I've never realised this but it's so true. I was in rock clubs etc from 16. Always felt fine and never harassed there. Ditto rock festivals etc.

Me too, always looked after and safe, few issues with some degenerate dealers but the actual people, so safe and protective

Yep, completely agree. I never once felt uncomfortable at rock venues, it was always a 'we're in this together' vibe. I always encountered sleazy men at 'normal' clubs, where they seemed just desperate for a shag.