What do SAHMs with school age children do?

[Ahbahbahbah]

I’ve been SAHM for 7 years, and my youngest starts school next term (didn’t start in September due to covid).

DH is happy for to just relax/take up a hobby etc - and certainly after the last year of homeschooling I will do that for a while! Financially I don’t need to work.

But how will I actually fill my days? I feel like I have no idea what I would do or who I am without my children constantly needing me.

Can any SAHMs with school age children tell me how they fill their days? What should I be thinking about?

I have a friend who doesn’t work- no DC but very wealthy parents (shes 25!), we’ll she works for 8 weeks a year on a healthcare project and the rest of the time is funded by her dear parents. She always seems busy and fulfilled! Pre-Covid she lunched with friends, slept, went to the gym, read, baked, socialised, took her niece on day trips and in the winter would go to her parent’s second home in a warmer climate. She was never bored and is a very interesting person! Just born to rich parents, perhaps not the brightest or highest achieving (unlike her parents) and somebody who doesn’t feel the need for competition.

I think too many people self define by their job as their purpose and forget the might be Gin who likes to bake carrot cake, sunbathe for weeks on end and read the work of Tolstoy! I say all of this after just finishing 20 hours on call, but it never occurred to me my friend wouldn’t have things to do.
She has very doting parents who just want her to be happy

The hours between 9-3 pass as at least 10x the speed so basically you come home, have a brew, fill the dishwasher, pop to a shop, ram down a sandwich, check Mumsnet and then realise you're late for pick up and wonder wtf happened cus it feels like about 11am.

It sounds like so much time when you're working but, well, soon you'll see what I mean!

I always found that by the time I got back home and then had to start out again to get a parking spot there were 4.5 hours.
An hour for a dog walk, an hour cleaning, shopping, gym, lunch and other bits and pieces there wasn’t a grey deal of time left.

I hate housework and I feel if I was a SAHM of school aged kids, the expectation would be to do a lot more of it. I think i would feel guilty if I spent the time doing fun stuff all day while my husband worked.

My children are currently aged 4 and 1 and I am a SAHM. I volunteer for 2 organisations, and I have my own small business which I work on a few hours a week (NOT an MLM), mostly in the evenings or when DD4 is at preschool and DD1 is napping. That is my hobby I guess, but conveniently it also pays.

I expect when they are both at school I will do more work or take on a part time job so I don't have to work in the evening.

Being a sahm sounds blissful! I have to squeeze all these activities you do during the day, into evenings and weekends. Enjoy your days!

If I was in your position (which I'm sadly not!) I'd go to exercise classes, work a few hours a week for financial independence, join the school PTA and enjoy being able to take and fetch my DC from school.

I would suggest that you do at least something for you. Something that isn't about your children. There are so many people on Gransnet who are lost now their children have grown up.

I go to yoga class 4 times a week straight after school drop off, and depending on what needs doing or what I feel like - do housework, nap, do the food shopping, decorate the house, read, go for walks, go out for lunch with DH when he is free. Its great tbh and the day flies by really

I'm a SAHM to school age kids. While they were in primary it was surprisingly easy to fill the day. I did all the things you're talking about doing - got all the housework etc. done in school hours, cooked from scratch, volunteered at the school and did a second degree with the OU. There was a lot less time than I had anticipated - my school run was 2.5 hours a day for a while, so I only had 5 hours a day - an hour for exercise, about 2 hours for housework/shopping/cooking, 2 hours for study/volunteering and it was gone. I often had to study in the evenings or at the weekend which hadn't been the plan. With school came after school activities, so I was running around from 3:30 til bedtime.

It didn't have to be like that though. If I'd wanted more time to do something else there were plenty of ways I could have carved some out - it would have put more stress on me and the rest of the family, but it could have been done and to some extent I wish I had. Since my kids hit secondary age they really don't need me ferrying them around or volunteering at the school. My degree was done and I felt a bit at a loose end. I finally got around to retraining to try and get back into a career, but it's been hard (partly because of the pandemic) and I haven't found anyone who will hire me yet. Beginning to regret not pushing harder, earlier, if not at a career then at something not connected to the kids and home that I could keep up now.

Gosh I think I've on a different planet to most people.

When dd started school, I had literally tidied up by 9.30am!

For SAHMS by the time she started Yr1 I had a part-time school hours job. Up at 6.30am, tea, tidy, get children up and tidy as you go along. Drop DC at school for 8.55am. Walk to work and start at 9.15. Work until 2.30, home at 2.50 - empty dishwasher, hang laundry, put away laundry, collect dc at 3.35. Teas, tennis, plays, football, piano, etc. Usually we were home/fed by 6.30/7 - then tidy up, get ready for the morning, sort out dh's supper (he worked v long hours then).

Part-time work was totally exhausting. Went full-time after two years and got an au-pair who did the dishwasher, washing machine, children's tea and after school activities. I got home at 6ish and managed to fit in professional qualifications. One caveat was always taking the dc to school.

I shall never forget a SAHM mummy telling me in the playground one morning that she was sooo stressed with all the Christmas arrangements and just didn't know how she'd fit in the shopping and cards, etc, as the boys kept her so busy. I think it took me a while to clear up my jaw from the floor.

@RosesAndHellebores lots of tidying but when did you actually clean? Shop? Meet friends? Read? Do a hobby? Exercise? Do anything for you? Sounds very rushed.
I love shopping, especially for Christmas & birthdays and I wouldn’t cram that into an hour.
The point of the thread is we’re all different & enjoy different things.

The cleaner cleaned. Exercise was 40 minutes brisk walking every day, I read in bed, I met friends on Friday evenings at our tennis club, and at weekends, shopping was and is swift.

What I did for me was forge a 2nd career, financial independence and a jolly good pension.

I filled all my time constructively to ensure the family had more free time at the weekends - but was still a little mopey and bored, and had nothing urgent to get me up in the morning. I spent some time researching jobs then getting one. Now I work part time - on my days off I tidy, do laundry, batch-cooking, brunch with friends, house admin such as researching tradesmen or buying stuff the children need.

They are only in school 33 weeks a year.
Plus days off sick.

I swam in a nice pool (doesn’t accept children) x3 plus sauna
Joined a pottery course every week
Go for lunch into London to meet my husband (saves on b sitters)
Go out with a couple of mums lunch x 2 a week
Like to watch holly and Phil whilst sorting out the house / folding washing
Prepare dinner
Sometimes afternoon zzzz
It’s nice to have chill out time
Pick kids up and the fun begins

At primary lots of school based things:

• PTA
• Listening to readers
• Being available to help on school trips both for DD's class but also others, often at short notice (sometimes the same day)
• Walking y4 kids to swimming
• Sourcing items for world book day costumes and adapting, rather than just buying.

Generally

• Being available in school holidays, half terms, inset, illness
• Jobs & admin done in school day rather than at weekends so at weekends we could do more fun things
• Swimming
• Spending time with DH when he retired

And later, being able to help dyspraxic DD with her GCSE revision

I started working two days a week. I was too bored not to. Luckily, my work is flexible and allows time off easily if we want to go away or the kids have something going on.

Walk dd to school, walk home. Prep food, run hoover around. Watch This Morning. Watch Loose Women. Clean something. Pick up dd from school. Trust me, you won't be bored.

@RosesAndHellebores ahh I missed the cleaner! That sounds brill and well done on the 2nd career.

I do a lot of fundraising and I find this fills a lot of time too, whilst being very fulfilling. It’s also a charity that supports my disabled DS, so it means a lot to me.

This is all really helpful, thank you.

I think the pp who said I need to spend some time working out who I am/what I enjoy was right. I read all of these descriptions and think “would I like yoga? Do I want to garden?” I honestly don’t know.

I’ve been quite a full on attachment parenting type, and my kids are always with me, I can’t envisage doing gardening without a small child making a mess/trying to eat worms/pulling up my plants etc. I should probably have carved out something just for me a long time ago.

There’s still plenty of time OP - I was just getting into my groove after a term of it after my DC started reception in September, then obviously she’s not been at school so all change again! But it will almost certainly take you a while to adapt - I missed my child hugely to start with & felt at a bit of a loss, but as I say was just getting settled into it. It’s hard to work out what you want to do though - I fully sympathise!

OP it might be worth thinking about what you'd like things to look like in 1/5/10/20 years, when your kids are even more independent. How much social contact do you need? How much do you value work in and of itself? What would a good day look like? And also, sadly, how would you cope financially without your spouse? (Not because he's going to run off with his secretary but because unfortunately sometimes life circumstances can change drastically and suddenly.)

I have a 3 year old so not exactly in a position to comment, but I've seen a lot of women with kids age 10+ look around and realise that their lives revolve entirely around their kids in a way that no longer works for them or their kids.

I've just made enquiries about a course at college. It's exciting! Should fit in the school day one day per week and has the added bonus of getting me into the city centre.

@supadupapupascupa fingers crossed for you!